Valparaiso High School - Valenian Yearbook (Valparaiso, IN)

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CLASS OP 1905 ZADA CARR BESSIE CLIFFORD ALICE TALCOTT ADA ROESSLER GEORGE MCNAY RAY LAWRENCE CLEVE STALBAUM KACID LAWRENCE MARTI1A BENTLEY KATHRYN LEDERER MARY CONRICK

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HIGH SCHOOL ANNUAL 2 5 THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE OF THE of the management of the Valparaiso High School has been CLASS OF ’05. a history of repeated tests and examinations, having as a ! direct object, the forming of a brilliant senior class and to When in the course of human events it becomes neces- prove this let facts be submitted to a candid world. sary for the pupils of a school to dissolve the bands that The principal has refused us the right to whisper, making connect them with their principal, and to assume among [ violation thereof punishable with “standing up in the the people of the earth the free and equal station to which isle.” the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a de- Prof. Miller has endeavored to compel us to pick up cent respect for the opinions of said principal demands that tricks with a magnet. they shall declare the causes that impel them to the sep- Prof. Skinkle has requested his Trigonometry class to aration. prove the law of signs (sines). We hold these truths to he self-evident — that principals Miss Benny has asked her Virgil class to tell which was and pupils are created equal; that the latter are endowed the more interesting to them: To witness the love scene with certain inalienable rights, and among these are life, of Dido and Aeneas or the games held by Aeneas in cele- liberty and the pursuit of no lessons; and, whenever any bration of his father’s death— although we had witnessed form of school becomes destructive of tnese ends, it is the neither. right of the pupils to alter or abolish it, instituting a new We, therefore, the members of the Senior class, in general school, laying its foundations on such principles and organ- school room assembled, do, in the name and by the author- izing its powers in such form as to them shall seem most ity of the members of the class, state that this class is, and likely to secure their diploma. of right ought to be, free and independent; that in future Prudence, indeed, would dictate that customs long es- they shall have full right to go to school, stay at home, do tablished should not be altered for light and transient their lessons or not, with other privileges which independ- cause; and, accordingly, all experience hath shown that ent graduates enjoy. And, in support of this declaration, Seniors are disposed to suffer — while evils are sufferable we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our chances of rather than to right themselves by adopting the former ' honorable graduation and our sacred excellence in deport- custom of retaining the back seats. But, when a long train ment. of cramming and examinations pursues but one object, and Signed on the 26th day of May, 1905. that the establishment of a graduating class, it is the right THE SENIOR CLASS. of this class, it is their duty, to throw off such forms of school and provide new guards for their future greatness. Such has been the patient sufference of this class, and Miss MacQuilkin — “And now, Cleve, where was the Dec- such is now the sad necessity which constrains them to laration of Independence signed?” sever their former relations with the school. The history ; 5 Cleve — “At de bottom.”

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HIGH SCHOOL ANNUAL 29 F. P. DUNNE “MR. DOOLEY” ON EXPERT TESTIMONY. “Anny thing new?” said Mr. Hennessy, who had been waiting patiently for Mr. Dooley to put down his newspa- per. “I’ve been r-readin’ th’ tistimony Iv th’ Lootgert case,” said Mr. Dooley. “What d’ye think iv it?” “I think so,” said Mr. Dooley. “Think what?” “How do I know?” said Mr. Dooley. “How do I know what I think? I’m no combi-nation iv chemist, doctor, osteologist, polisman, an’ sausage-maker, that I can give ye an opinion right off th’ bat. A man needs to be all iv thim things to detarmine annything about a murdher trile in these days. This shows how intilligent our methods is, as Hogan says. A large German man is charged with put- tin’ his wife away into a breakfus’-dish, an’ he says he didn’t do it. Th’ question, thin, is: Did or did not Alphonse Lootgert stick Mrs. L. into a vat, an’ rayjoose her to a quick lunch? Am I right?” “Ye ar-re,” said Mr. Hennessy. “That’s simple enough. What th’ Coort ought to’ve done was to call him up, an’ say: ' Lootgert, where’s ye’er good woman?’ If Lootgert cudden’t tell, he ought to be hanged on gin’ral principles; f’r a man must kepp his wife around th’ house, an’ whin she isn’t there it shows he’s a poor pro- vider. But, if Lootgert says, ‘I don’t know where me wife is,’ the Coort shud say: ‘Go out an’ find her. If ye can’t projoose her in a week, I’ll fix ye.’ An’ let that be th’ end iv it “But what do they do? They get Lootgert into coort an’ stand him up befure a gang iv young rayporthers an’ th’ c.-) likes iv thim to make pitchers iv him. Thin they summon I a jury composed iv poor, tired, sleepy expressmen an’ tail- ors an’ clerks. Thin they call in a profissor from a col- ledge. ‘Profissor,’ says th’ lawyer f’r th’ State, ‘I put it to ye if a wooden vat three huudherd an’ sixty feet long, twenty-eight feet deep, an’ sivinty-five feet wide, an’ if three hundherd pounds iv caustic sode boiled, an’ if the leg iv a guinea pig, an’ ye said yestherday about bi-carbonate iv sode, an’ if it washes up an’ washes over, an’ th’ slimy, slippery stuff, an’ if a false tooth or a lock iv hair or a © gawbone or a goluf ball across th’ cellar eleven feet nine ® inches— that is, two inches this way an’ five gallons that?’ jg ‘I agree with ye intirely,’ says th’ profissor. ‘I made lab- g ’ratory experiments in an’ ir’n basin, with bi-chloride iv ® gool, which I will call soup-stock, an’ coal tar, which I will 5 call ir’n filings. I mixed th’ two over a hot fire, an’ left in i a cool place to haruen. I thin packed it in ice.which I will ) call glue, an’ rock-salt, which I will call fried eggs, an’ ob- ) tained a dark, queer solution that is a cure f’r freckles, J which I will call antimony or doughnuts or annything I ) blamed please.’ “ ‘But,’ says th’ lawyer f’r th’ State, ‘measurin’ th’ vat j with gas — an’ I lave it to ye whether this is not th’ on’y fair test — an’ supposin’ -that tw T o feet acrost is akel to tin feet sideways, an’ supposin’ that a thick green an’ hard sub- } stance, an’ I daresay it wud; an’ supposin’ you may, takin’ into account th’ measurements — twelve by eight — th’ vat bein’ wound with twine six inches fr’m th’ handle an’ a ! rub iv th’ green, thin ar’re not human teeth often found in counthry sausage?’ ‘In th’ winter,’ says th’ profissor. ‘But ! tli’ sisymoid bone is sometimes seen in th’ fut, sometimes 1 worn as a watch-charm. I took two sisymoid bones, which @ I will call poker dice, an’ shook thim together in a cylinder.