VIT High School - Vitorian Yearbook (Table Grove, IL)

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'58 CLASS PROPHECY The date is July 4, 1978. We are Hinky and Dinky, two Jet-Propelled skunks looking for the lost class of 1958 and their sponsors who mysteriously disappeared on May 29, 1958. Cruising over the Sahara Desert we spot a......it’s a bird! it's a plane! No, it's Streak Thompson and his stagecoach! Come on Hinky, this is our tirst clue to the lost class of 58. Keep him in sight but keep out of range because that’s Bullseye Hunter riding shotgun. We follow the streak over a dune and in the shadow of a huge pyramid we spy the bustling little town of Chicken Roost Bend. We hover over the little town that looks very much like a small Western town of 1878. The stagecoach comes to a halt beside a sign that says Slarf down and live; that’s our motto. Look Dinky, ins’t that Feathers Harris and Double-yolk Jocklsch getting out of the stagecoach? Their hands are tied and there’s Sheriff Marcie Kookie Kadlttlehopper marching them off to jail. She stops to wake up Deputy Fuzzy Tompkins, who is working hard trying to stay awake by counting the flies in his long red beard. NT)?t td the Tail Is the Clownhouse Casino, owned and operated by Big Ed Waters. His two hired gunmen. Smoky Bair, and Ace Lannery. keep troublemakers out of the casino. Over in one corner, shuffling a deck of cards is the town gambler. Mississippi McCarty. He hasn’t won a poker game for the past twenty years. At another table is PoubleTndemnity Elliott and Bobby the kid Wright, arguing about chicken insurance. Feathers Harris and Double-yolk Jocklsch have rustled almost two hundred head of Bobby the kid's chickens, and Double Indemnity Elliott Is trying to persuade him to take out insurance on the remaining stock. (Standing at the bar are quite a few of the townsmen.) Taking a ten minute break from his pyramid dusting is Splc fn Span Bally. Hey Hinky, look over there on top of the piano. That's Shlnola Bohannon and Cavalier Curl ess I What could they be fighting over? Oh, so that’s it! They both want to shine Jezebel Graham's sandal. You can hardly hear Jezebel's song with the two shoe-shine boys fighting and sprawling over her one sandal. We stagger outside to get a breath of fresh air. Next door to the Casino is Pancho's Cowboy Shop. The sign in front says, I sell cowboys, short, fat, and full of noise. Upon entering we see Anvil Hlnrichs. the blacksmith, trying to talk Pancho Wise out of her best window display, Tarzan Tyler and his faithful companion, Snakey Sears. We can see them trembling in the window but we don't know whether they are more afraid of working for Anvil Hlnrichs or of Windy Reneau. The window washer, breaking their window. We decide to look for dryer surroundings and flee outside. During our flight we accidentally knock down Panama Palmer, who is making her daily rounds of door-to-door cigar selling. I (Dinky) help bewildered Panama Palmer pick up her spilled cigars while Hinky looks toward the next store. Over the door a sign reads, Shmo Shaw's Sack Shack. We peer through the window, freshly cleaned by Windy Reneau. and see Miss Shmo Shaw trying to sell Lash Robertson the latest in a sack dress. It is rumored about town that Lash is a hired detective working for Bon-Bon Burgard who runs the candy store. Someone has steadily been taking Bon-Bon's candy, but Lash fears it is an inside job. We cross the street and see a growing business on the corner. As we get nearer we see that it’s Hee Byers and Haw Haines, used donkey dealers. Next to their lot is Cactus Chenoweth’s livery stable. There is a constant Feud between Cactus and her neighboring donkey dealers because they won't keep their donkeys at home. What is that? Is It one of those terrible desert sandstorms? No, we can see now, it's only Squeegy Schleich. the stable boy, cleaning the stalls. We stagger out of the dusty stable and hear a hideous yell from the Barber Shop. You've gone and done it again! You've got your lollipop stuck in my beard again! We investigate and find that Lollipop Howell is trying to shave Pop Howard, who is a gold prospector. After searching for gold twenty years, all he's ever found is Jezebel's other gold shoe. On the other side of the tracks (camel tracks, that is) is a huge establishment run by Ma Agans. Ma has the best cook in town, Flapjack Cox, and her faithful dishwasher. Dash Peak. Sleeping against the door is Ma Agans energetic butler, Nathaniel Walton. A distrubance is heard from the other end of town. Turning, we see a large Conestoga wagon, drawn by two half dead camels. The driver is Broken Bones Stambaugh. and beside him is his favorite wife, Sheena. What kind of cargo could they be carrying to make the wheels sink into the sand like that? Oh no, its Broken Bones and his harem of seventeen wives. This is the end, says Hinky, Let's get out of here. This town is beyond help! We take out our tuning forks and tune up our jets. We take off and as we see the town of Chicken Roost Bend in the distance, we spy the hermit, Sahara Bohm guarding her domain from the top of the pyramid, where she is safe from the dangerous people below. To the horror of Hinky and Dinky their after-burners conx out and they are doomed, but, alas! the lost city will be lost forever to civilization. • 4

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THOMPSON BROTHERS