Upsala College - Upsalite Yearbook (East Orange, NJ)

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Clerk: O.K. judgie. You're a taxi! tWait a minute. How the dickens did that joke creep in? Remember, Larson, this is a serious bit of work! Now let's start over.j fudge: Clerk, call the first witness. Clerk: Will Mr. Larson please take the stand? Do you swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Hannah? Hrrox I do. But you can't pin it on me. I'm a nudist! QLaughter in the wings spon- sored by my relativesj Proscrzffiizg Attorney: Is it true. punk, that in the trail of two cities, namely, Newark and New York, that you cooled your heels in five thousand, two hundred and twenty-six employ- ment offices, places of alleged business, et cet- era, et cetera, et cetera, and did use unwar- ranted, malicious, and wily means. to wit: smiles, coaxing coos, vile language, and give extravagant promises? And did you not, on one alleged moment, roll up your sleeve and show a trusting contractor a well-turned bicep in hopes of tricking him into giving you al- leged employment as a wielder of a pickius shovelorem. what the layman would call a pick and shovel? And did you not show one prospective employer a counterfeit grammar school report card that showed that you had made a passing grade in deportment when I have proof that you were kept after school for twenty minutes one night for allegedly shooting a paper wad with a deadly rubber band and hitting one Minnie Perkins in the neck. causing the alleged victim to cry in deep anguish, 'fDarn you, Normie-I?ormie ? Answer me! Yes, or yes? Larson.: Stop! STOP!! It is only too true. in part. But I can't let you brand me a wolf in cheap clothing. It wasn't a paper wad shot from a deadly rubber hand. I shot Minnie Perkins with a bow and arrow!! But let me tell you 1Tly sad tale in my own words. Perehance my experiences may be of some value to those poor souls who are grad- uating from colleges in this year, nineteen hun- dred and thirty-seven, and will aid them in overcoming the dreaded Nothing Today hys- teria. Late in the fall of 1936 yours truly, after a tough summer in western Pennsylvania play- ing nurse maid to a certain recreation park which I will not mention unless you enclose return postage. I followed the beaten path and wound up in Newark. The windup must have been a little too leisurely for by the time I had anything on the ball, the employers had stolen home on me! My follow-through carried all the way to New York, an overgrown whistle stop, and there my winning average took a drop that may well be compared with the 1929 stock chart, that is, if you like to compare things! C I hope you are following me very closely, I think I'm getting lost !j After waving my diploma in divers faces Cdivers, pertaining to various employers, not unethical prize fightersj I came to the conclu- sion that smug editors, business leaders, etc., were a bunch of Simple Simons when they couldn't recognize genius right under their bulbous proboscuses. But lack a day, perscr- VCTQIICC will not be denied and I finally set up 1ny claim stakes with a firm on VVall Street. CPlcase take no stock in the rumor that I am now president of the concern. You know how those things get aroundlj So you see. Judgie, life is not a path of roses, all is not gold that glitters, and if you will always keep in mind my favorite motto, Don't do today what you can do tomorrowf' you, too, will be a big success and be able to afford a S4 room Cper weekj. Don't let the fact that your shoes are worn thin from tramping about poaching on employ- ers get you down. just think of my trials and tribulations, my heartaches and stuff. and you will take new heart since, if you put two and two together you will arrive at the conclusion that if a mental cripple like me could fool an office manager into giving me a job, you w0n't have any trouble at all! Proscrufiizg Atfowzeyz I object! Hissoizfr: You ought to. You don't do any work at all! Case dismissed. Next case! Clerk: Make mine Scotch! Monsieur Hagglund, Iim sorry this is such a mess. But I keep listening to the radio while I'm trying to write and I can't seem to co- ordinate my thoughts and stuff. If this is too rank, toss it down the drain. Fraternally, IYIONSIEUR I.ARRRsoooN. CEc1'1'z'or's Nota: What did the drain ever do to me?j I TIME TO GO! LMOST time to go. Ten small minutes and we'll be walking our last Walk together. Funny, how we've longed for that red-letter day-dreamed of graduation. and now that it's here, we wish that we could inveigle Father Time, as a special graduation gift, to turn back his pages four little years, and let us live again those perfect, happy days. The thrill is gone. I'm not proud today-not a bit. I've cried all morning. QEven now, my make-up is smeared, and do red eyes ever rob a cap and gown of all its charmlj I look like heck, but I don't care, I feel worse. Gosh, why is it so hard? Have we been so spoiled by fun and easy hours and snap courses Page One Hundred Eighty-Seven

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each other as usual, Birger as the dashing minister who so easily converts the young ladies, and his red-headed wife so aptly playing the role of First lady of the congre- gation, flitting from sewing circle-to siCk bed to social-and back again. Rev. Mar- tin Bystrom, who incidentally is one of the members of Upsalals Board of Trustees, is comparing notes with Rev. Johnson as to the activities of their respective Young People's Societies. LeRoy Mason, earning his livelihood by posing for collar ads, is complimenting Meeker Neville on - his Pulitzer Prize Play The Futil- ity of Love . It's been ten years, in- cidentally, a n d Meeker is still on the vain quest for his dream girl. The deeply tanned woman at the end of the table is the cruise-going Miss Michaels, wh o I has just returned l from a trip around the world in her own plane. The well-fed looking Swede in the pink shirt is none other than Bert Nystrom, football coach at a snooty Rhode Island prep school, Qalways in hot water, though, for charming all the faculty wives. Still the same old bee, Hitting from flower to flowerj VVe were so proud to hear that the Nobel Prize for Science was recently awarded to Hannah Steinhardt for her amazing contri- butions in the held of scientific reproduc- tion, obtaining babies from slot machines. Florence Jacobs was unable to be present. She has the unique position of hostess in a smoothey night club in Barcelona, translat- ing the orders of all American travelers. Gunhild is the proud possessor of her own nursery school, while Jake Johnston has six little tow heads of her own. VVhat a motherly, housewifely person she turned into-of all people! Ingrid, also, was unable to attend, having moved to Sweden, mar- ried a Sven Somebody, and spending her days having people over for coffee. Blanche Johnson is the new basketball coach at Upsala-a regular guyv. The girls are simply crazy over her, the only rule sheis made is no cigar smoking before breakfast. Kopleman, resplendent in check- ered vest and bowler hat, looks too debon- aire to be anything but a racketeer, but heis the same old Kopleman except that he hand- ed cigarettes out to everyone at the ban- quet! Yes, and furthermore, if they didn't smoke, he told them to take some home to Page One Hmzdmfd Eighty-Six the family!! He shares his bachelor apart- ment with Howie Anderson. whois still single, and manages still to look collegiate in spite of his thirty-odd years and a slight paunch. Gladys Gilbert spent last year as a bare back rider in the circus. She says it was a grand experience, and is engaged at pres- ent on a trilogy entitled Life Behind the Tent . Mr. Diljenidetto attempted to sell real estate to everyone in sight throughout the six courses, but gave up when Carl Zipper hooked him for some life insurance. Anna Minervino, who has been training for grand opera for quite some time, saved the class from tedious after-dinner orating, and rendered instead, an aria from Carmen , Her friends call her the Little Girl with the Great Big Voice. Being now in a musical mood, and hating to break up so soon, the class adjourned to the Club Normandie for old time's sake, and there we shall leave them, lest in our enthusiasm we may shat- ter your illusions regarding their dignity. A swell class-a grand bunch. XVe meet again in ten more years to see what new laurels have been acquired, increasing the fame-and spreading the name, of the class of '37. ADIEU. TI-IE TRAIL QF Z CITIES OR f'Woo1NG A Jose By NORBIAN 'iNO'I'HING TODAYH LARsoN HIS is not a Horatio Alger story for the simple reason that the author is not a booming success, a person who has not climbed from the gutter to the pinnacle of success while acquiring a flock of diamonds, steel mills, or a protruding stomach. At least, if he is, he's kept it a darn deep secret. I've asked myself and I whispered, UNO, Monsieur Larson, you are just a poor guy trying to get along. All of which lifts a great load from my alleged brain. Now I can write in an unso- phisticated manner, without the strained super- iority to which the self-made man oft falls heir. I promise to use only one syllable words and if you find one that surpasses that used by any one higher in the scale of intelligence than a moron, you'll know I used a dictionary! Order in the court! The first case on the docket in the Court of Humorous Relations is that of f'The Graduat- ing Seniors vs. the Employers of the Worlcl.,' fudge: Clerk, call me a taxi.

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that we're afraid of getting out and facing work? No, it's not the future, it's the looking back that hurts. Remember how we crabbed, all of us. The food-the rules-the standards. You can't get away from it. Here awhile, and the Viking spirit seems to seep right through your veins, so you'd beg or even steal from babies just to stand in that registration line once more. So many things: Our freshman days, the hazing, scared and small and measly, learning the ropes and then climbing them, sorority and fraternity rushing, our first Spring VVeek- all so new and wonderful, First year away from home for many of us. Water fights in the Boy's Dorm, trying to figure how to sneak out of the Girlls Dorm on a date. And those swell sessions, precious hours seemingly frittered away, like loaling. but the memories are still there, and very, very precious. Outside contacts with our profs, all their little idiosyncracies, knowing their famil- ies, going on day trips with them and finding 'em down to earth. Those are the things we might have lost in a big university. And others Qyes, I know it's latej. Setting up the newspaper 'til 3 A.M., filling in four columns, racking our brains with only one col- umn of material. Those football games, and ,member how griped we were at so much re- hearsing for one little play, and wouldn't we almost sell our souls to have to do it over again! And little things, when Percy got the hot- footl' in class, and Eleanore was campused, and Hannah practice teaching, and Birger preach- ing, Lil Walker and her views on life, Spin- elli and his swing it, Lois and her engage- ment ring, Marty and those unforgettable pep talks, Anna Johnson checking up. Gosh, I could go on for hours. And then the big ones. Grade A College. How proud we were it happened in our year. New buildings, more students, football contract with Fordham, endowment fund. How swell, able to help a little on our Alma Mater's climb uphill. And Prexy, dearest Prexy, so lovable and sweet. Honestly, was there ever a college blessed with a more sympathetic or understand- ing head? The only real grief we knew-to lose him-to have to graduate without him. Somehow, it will all seem a little flat today without him there. VVe miss him so-a true philosopher, who lived his ideals-sense of humor still there when things looked black. God grant him peace. Stop crying, Ruth, it's time to go. Nope. no more escapades. No classes now to cut. Hand me my cap. Lookfall the people down there. VVonder if they know how blue we are. Good-bye, dear Upsie, time to go! Sing bravely, Alma Mater Gloriousf' IIIIIIllIIllIIllllllllllllllllllllllllllll CQMAPANY BERKELEY Sci-lool. 22 Prospect Street: East Orange, N. J. ATTLEBORQ, IXIASSACIIUSETTS Te'e h e oRa 9e 3 2 6 4 COLLEGE training in the , , , radical arts. Class Rings and Pins - Crested Rings P' U - : An l1'lfC'l1SN.'C OT1C'yCdT CUHTSC, 2 Commencement - Fraternity Badges preparing highselwolgmda- Announcements - Charms and Keys d E Diplomas - Party Favors - Personal Q fialbvsifivfls- - Cards - Dance Prog-rallls - Background courses are given - ' by university professors ot rec- , 1, - ognized standing. Technical - Malin of Spnng lVrr'le Programs ' subieci-5 are taught by expe- ' Irzviiaiioriis and Personal Cards for E FIGHCC-PCI college 9r6dU6i'eS- E Senior Class of Upsala College Cbafmihgiy appointed r00f : garden studios. Restricted en- : . I t. F b ll t' dd Represented by A. F. HURER, :EemS?rec+o?r u e In a ress 535 FIFTH AVE., ,jg H H H H JA NEIY YORK CITY gj - -1' 'lun' ul UUBIILIIJIIII EEHH Page One Hundred Eighty-Eight ...f.s.......1.s4,......a., .