Upper Arlington High School - Norwester Yearbook (Upper Arlington, OH)

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SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY In the heart of a great metropolis, surrounded by the bustle and clamor of teeming crowds, stands that magnificent edifice—The Hotel Fritz-Carleton. The place seems all activity and confusion, and. as evening falls, little patches of light spring up in all parts of the building. It would certainly lie interesting to see just what’s going on inside—we might even see an old friend if we take a peek around the lobby. The lobby is large and ornate. People are continually rushing in and out. There’s J. Pierpont Waterman, the underwear magnate, waddling a little ponderously across the room. Carter Grinstead, his most efficient chauffeur, is carrying his bags. Registering at the desk, J. Pierpont dismisses Carter, who, left to his own devices, immediately departs to keep an appointment at one of the city’s playgrounds for tired business men. Apparently twenty-three years have not greatly changed Mr. Grinstead’s love for business. As the dinner hour approaches, we notice that our friend, Charles Brandt Tefft. is still to be found in the little barber shop that opens off the main lobby. He is enjoying a special facial that is absolutely guaranteed to raise sagging neck muscles. We understand Mr. Tefft is going to celebrate the twenty-third anniversary of his engagement to his one and only this evening. Looking more closely, we sec that his pretty operator is our former classmate, Martha Smith. It has taken her a long time to achieve her position as one of the foremost beauty specialists in New York, but at last her efforts are rewarded. Who could this meek looking individual coming toward us be? His face looks vaguely familiar—it's Tom Kibler! As he hurriedly brushes bv, his black derby set low over his ears, we learn that he is looking for Mr. Ingalls, a prominent lawyer from hio. Desiring to have a little chat with Mr. Kibler to talk over old times, we make inquiries as to his whereabouts, but are informed that he has become an income-tax collector and has very little leisure time. Our attention, as well as everyone’s else, is now diverted by the stately entrance of a most portly lady who, among other things, is carrying a lorgnette. We cannot help but hear her sarcastically inquire as to where “that worm, her husband is. While the former Miss Alberty is thus engaged, we are privately informed that her hen-pecked husband. Mr. Picked, is disporting himself up on the roof gardens at a party given by Jack Watson, the famous scientist and inventor of the education pills. These do away with studying. For instance, one has only to swallow a pill labeled Latin,” and a complete knowledge of the subject is acquired. The only difficulty is that the effect is not permanent and steady consumption of the pills is unheaithful. Nevertheless, Mr. Watson is without doubt one of the greatest benefactors of mankind. The party was being given in honor of Miss Arlene Seiller, the first feminine president of the International Debating Society. Among those present was a most distinguished guest—Mrs. Van Tasselman, the former Jane Simmons, whose husband is the owner of the famous Van Tasselman Racing Stables. We notice that Mr. Fickell is having a very good time. The dinner hour has come—we hear the strains of Don Port's Melancholic Knights from the main dining room. Could it possibly be the same Don Port that we used to know? As we hasten down the hall toward the elevators, we hear a low groan from 1035, on our right. We hesitate for a moment, wondering if any intrusion would be welcome, and then—deciding that we might be of some help— we push open the door. There is a poor, thin, wraith-like creature, lying weakly back in a chair, coughing spasmodically every few moments. With a shock we realize that this sickly person—who is certainly not long for this world—is none other than Bunnv Berlin. She motions for us to sit down. On inquiring the Page Fourteen

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EPITAPHS —(Concluded) MARY LOUISE MILLER She bubbled o’er the Styx In flights of fancy sweet. And wandered in Elysian fields And stopped there for a treat. BRANDT THEFT Death loves a shining mark. tis said. And in this ease it had one; Our handsome president is dead. Now each day is a sad one. DON PORT All through my life my tunes I've played. But now in this grave my corpse is laid. ARLENE SKILLER Sealed in this stone cold tomb Lies Arlene Seiller. sore oppressed By something she forgot to say, Though on this earth she said the rest. J NE SIMMONS To all my friends I bid adieu, A more sudden death you never knew. I lived for art—to the Annual due; When it was finished, I withdrew. HOWARD SMITH Our old friend “Smitty now is dead, And humor from the world has fled. MARTHA SMITH Four years I spent in steady toil By all my teachers guided. When my degree at last I won I sickened and I dieded. DOROTHY TODD Dorothy Todd has gone to Heaven, There she lives, an angel bright, Shining just as in the classroom With a sure and steady light. HERD UNCKRICH In memory of Ferd Unckrich This marble monument we raise. He died and left the world a-ringing With his honor and his praise. JACK WATERMAN Beneath this slab of marble cold Lies a lad of great renown; His face and deeds we’ll ne’er forget. Though this stone keeps him down. JACK ATSON He studied too much—the habit is bad— So in the tomb they lai I this lad. ED YANTFS He knew it was gas that made it go. But what happened to him, lie'll never know! —Martha Smith. Page Thirteen

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cause of her ill-health, we are told how Marjorie Kennedy, an undergraduate nurse, miscounted the instruments used in her operation twenty years ago. l-d. Yantes performed the operation. He became a horse doctor after that. Apropos of that. Bunny also told us that Dorothy Todd has departed this life, having died in a tit when the doctor told her that what she needed was more exercise. She also said that she had seen Jim Conn at a sanitarium the previous summer, looking very prosperous—he had become an undertaker. We left the sick woman then, fearing to tire her. We had a sad feeling that we would never see her again in this world. While we were waiting for the elevator, we saw a thin, spare looking woman, still nice looking although she must have l»een at least forty. We were not greatly Surprised to see that it was the former Mary Jane Evans. We had seen her picture in the paper often. She had become one of New York’s “Four Hundred. On the second floor, going down, we encountered Helen Kminer, in gorgeous evening array, with Paul Lanicli, a handsome man about town. They, it is rumored, are very much interested in each other. You remember that Helen, fifteen years ago, was the famous Czechoslovakian find of R. K. O. Pictures. We spoke of seeing many of our old friends to Marv Jane, who then told us that Howard Smith had become the caretaker of an old ladies' home. We could hardly believe that; time must have wrought a great change in his character. She also told us that Virginia Hohenstine and Ferd Cnckrich had both become missionaries, deciding to devote their lives in showing heathens the straight and narrow path. We took leave of her then and entered the dining room. We were just about to sit down when, at a table in a secluded corner, we saw Hollis C hase struggling with some spaghetti. Not having seen him for eighteen years, we of course sat down at his table, but strangely enough, he didn’t seem particularly glad to see us. lie was not at all disposed to talk about himself, but when pressed, with his old time politeness he said that he had become the supervising physician at the New York State Home for the Mentally Deficient. He said that Thelma Lyons was a dietitian at the same place. After a very delightful meal. Dr. Chase suggested that we go to a dance in the Spanish mom. where he had heard that Senor Hayhurst and Senorita Velasquez, formerly Mary Louise Miller, were going to give an exhibition. They are still considered to be among the best Spanish dancers in New York City. Dr. Chase himself, he explained, would be unable to accompany us. since he had to catch an early train. As we left the dining room. Don Port announced that the first non-stop Polar flight ever made by a woman, had just been completed by Helen Jones. On entering the Spanish room, we ran across Betty Clark and Janet Fisher, who had just returned from an extended tour in South America where they were investigating the condition of public schools to get material for their eighth volume of “Educational Facilities of the World, complete in ten volumes. Thev said that they had seen Mary Jane Benbow, who was a school teacher in Cuba and had heard that Betty Lee McFeely was teaching French in a Swis convent. Glancing at the clock we were dismayed to find that we wouldn’t have time to see all of Senor‘s and Senorita’s performance, as we were due to meet friends at the theater in ten minutes. W e were sorry to leave, for the evening had been a pleasant one, due to the renewal of the acquaintance of so many old friends. s we rushed off to keep our appointment at the theater, we couldn’t help thinking of the great changes that had taken place since our graduation back in 1034. Bunny Bf.ri.in, Dorothy Todd. I AC K W'aTKKM AN. Page Fifteen