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Page 33 text:
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CCJQKSt .3118 C2Ij12,I4S Appomattox, kept the burgee, Damn the Yankeeslu nailed to his mast, and became a pirate. Nothing was then more fitting than that he should settle down among the faculty. I-le is a member of the Colonnacle Club, and exercises police power there by letting in plenty of fresh air and making Mr. Dobie take his feet off the mahogany furniture. Among the gifts handed out to the professors, their faces beaming with childish joy, were the following: to Professor Graves, a cluster and aprong to Dr. Dick Bird, an aeroplaneg to Sir Walter Raleigh Minor, a slight brochure of 2,000 pages on Lord Chesterfielcl's Polite Lettersgh to Professor Watson, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmesgn to Professor Dunnington, a crimsonbeak pince-nezg and to Little Albert Lefevre, a wig. Wait! I-las Dobie been forgotten? Give him the clog. With this distribution of gifts, a testimony of the regard in which the faculty is held among themselves, the banquet was over. l3Z
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Page 32 text:
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CCD!-LKS ani! CZUFLLS evening, and Professor Wilson read selections from his book, ulVlamselle,H to the delight of many present. Dr. Watts, the great magician, told a remarkable story of pinning a man's finger to the place where his amputated nose ought to have been, and teaching the digit how to smell. This was a difficult task, at first, but after a while it got the hang of it, and can now distinguish Limburger from Sweitzer. An interesting paper was read by Professor Humphreys, showing how he had beaten Professor Dabney in a chess game of twenty-eight hours duration. Professor Humphreys is strong on military tactics, and is so omniscient that when a chap on the faculty gets sick, he is called in to substitute. He has taught German, French, Sanskrit, History, Logic, and students. He is said to be the most erudite man on the faculty, whatever that means. Indeed, 'tis known he can speak Greek As naturally as mice do squeakg And Latin is no more difficile Than to a blackbird, 'tis to whistlef, At a late hour telegrams were read from the Suffering Suffragettes and the Daugh- ters of Belligerency, in which dire results were threatened President Alderman if he did not get his co-educational scheme through the legislature P. D. This threw a blight upon the spirits of those assembled, but a message was read from Dr. Alderman, saying that he was having a fine time at Atlantic City, and would stay there until he got enough strength to stand the comment and imprecations that will arise when he goes to Richmond to get that very measure through next year. Just then, a messenger boy broke through with a cablegram from Dr. Smith at Berlin, who said that he had again been invited to take dinner with der Kaiser. Some unkind soul then said that the doctor would probably be eligible for Hot Foot upon his return next year. E At this stage of the game, loud cries of L'Ticar! Hpineoln Shampewoc!,' are uttered by Professor Graves, who insists that the tobacco smoke is thickening too fast and that the top window should be lowered. Dr. Dunnington runs to perform this duty, but the fumes have not escaped before fmirabile visull an uplifting sight fsleep, little childrenlj is apparent to all. Abaft the hall, through the mist of the Panatelas, is seen as Santa Claus to present the gifts, Dr. Green, who lives on East Range and studies all night such things as Beowulf and Piers Plowmanf, His career, which his martial bearing recalls, inspires the assemblage. In the Revolutionary War fawake, George Washington, and blow your hornj he once devastated a band of twenty Canadian Indians by seizing the leader and, using him as a belaying pin, felling the others. Still later, in the lncivil War between the States, he commanded a privateer and after 3l
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