University of Virginia - Corks and Curls Yearbook (Charlottesville, VA)

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CCD!-LKS ani! CZUFLLS evening, and Professor Wilson read selections from his book, ulVlamselle,H to the delight of many present. Dr. Watts, the great magician, told a remarkable story of pinning a man's finger to the place where his amputated nose ought to have been, and teaching the digit how to smell. This was a difficult task, at first, but after a while it got the hang of it, and can now distinguish Limburger from Sweitzer. An interesting paper was read by Professor Humphreys, showing how he had beaten Professor Dabney in a chess game of twenty-eight hours duration. Professor Humphreys is strong on military tactics, and is so omniscient that when a chap on the faculty gets sick, he is called in to substitute. He has taught German, French, Sanskrit, History, Logic, and students. He is said to be the most erudite man on the faculty, whatever that means. Indeed, 'tis known he can speak Greek As naturally as mice do squeakg And Latin is no more difficile Than to a blackbird, 'tis to whistlef, At a late hour telegrams were read from the Suffering Suffragettes and the Daugh- ters of Belligerency, in which dire results were threatened President Alderman if he did not get his co-educational scheme through the legislature P. D. This threw a blight upon the spirits of those assembled, but a message was read from Dr. Alderman, saying that he was having a fine time at Atlantic City, and would stay there until he got enough strength to stand the comment and imprecations that will arise when he goes to Richmond to get that very measure through next year. Just then, a messenger boy broke through with a cablegram from Dr. Smith at Berlin, who said that he had again been invited to take dinner with der Kaiser. Some unkind soul then said that the doctor would probably be eligible for Hot Foot upon his return next year. E At this stage of the game, loud cries of L'Ticar! Hpineoln Shampewoc!,' are uttered by Professor Graves, who insists that the tobacco smoke is thickening too fast and that the top window should be lowered. Dr. Dunnington runs to perform this duty, but the fumes have not escaped before fmirabile visull an uplifting sight fsleep, little childrenlj is apparent to all. Abaft the hall, through the mist of the Panatelas, is seen as Santa Claus to present the gifts, Dr. Green, who lives on East Range and studies all night such things as Beowulf and Piers Plowmanf, His career, which his martial bearing recalls, inspires the assemblage. In the Revolutionary War fawake, George Washington, and blow your hornj he once devastated a band of twenty Canadian Indians by seizing the leader and, using him as a belaying pin, felling the others. Still later, in the lncivil War between the States, he commanded a privateer and after 3l

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C ORKS .ma C LI12..I,S In the absence of President Alderman, the banquet was presided over by Dean Jimsweed Page, whose picture as the understudy of Napoleon was drawn on the black- board by his co-brother of the cleanery, Dean Thornton, an expert in drawing railroads, and like the other professors, salary. The conversation at first turned on the late examina- tions, the law professors declaring that even if any students should luck through the exams, it would be impossible for them to get by the penalties. Prof. Lile told an interesting anecdote of an Equity student who had made the exam with points to spare, but who had been called home by the death of his grandmother's aunt, gotten seventy-five on every excused lecture in spite of the excuse and failed by the margin of a tenth of a point. Professor Minor said that prima facie it looked like the Act of God and public enemy fviz. grandmother's auntQ combined ought to make the absence venial ab initiog but Professor Dobie declared that an ancient edition of Coke, which had never been overruled, said in emphatic terms: g'Lex excusationem non toleratf, and Professor Graves made a note of it to be used in the next edition of his 'alxlotes on Tortsf' Professor Echols promised Professor Stone that he would turn over to him via the astronomy loophole all math sharks who did not make his examination, and Professor Thornton said that he had invented a course called 'KTheoretical Mechanics, which makes an engineering degree as hard to engineer as the Panama Canal. It is part of this course to estimate how big a hole it would take through the earth's center for a marble to fly from center to center without hitting the sides, and to computate the velocity of a pebble leaving the earth's surface for cosmic quiet. , QT?-55.5 J :'ff1'Zs':vY Q-tsfnrafzfgfrf.-'Yinfuk- 'M 1 ' Jef, ,rl ' ' s I f' i H-was '.,,p5.1:,qQ,q1:irff:H - I,- . , - .-,Ir f 63- xfigigt J ' fjzalv l l .wif-. ' 4553 ' P iff? - ' : ' 1. , R421 ' :' . J effi',i- 'Ip ' F QT 'S' Iyghts. 4 . 1, . - P2 .f ' g. iz.-1... .11 x :silk .- 1 -sg:'1rr5af+f,fp:,,39, 1 'J 'iff fliqfli g X X '.ers?sfi.r . . -,wc ,. paw, .- 14- .L-1 Q. an ' 5:gv3,frpmif,.-i- sf: X - 1f.r:s':.i -1 ff- 1 th 'vZ ,i.,g57 J ,ff gr-22.3 i f vs Z- , r ,Qi tt Wk! f' :.: ma' 1' if Yagi 0 J 'Mia Z :SJ '5' ' rv. Wig! N, ff r' ,ew if A-9l12l'! 9 fllvmyw at in JL 3 1 I' ,f-5, 1-Ks-E-. sw . Q ' Q' ' s - VL V, ,., v l .ir ' - V 5, - ' s ,gf I- I V -1 I '. ' ..i' - , fa -,::'Q'iY:.'f L' - r V. X'-' . 'l I, e ,4 1, -X ' X :Jigga-:,,1a'1 'I fix ,-igagsfpff ' ' i 1. - T' -fi :F -ig-'jg V !- ' E-Talita: I ,- .. 1 M y we bfxi, ffQi.,-i'E'f,.V,fg'gE25. . . .1 Kent on My Experience as a Duellist at Heidelberg 30 This discourse was becom- ing as tiresome to the doctors as to the reporter, when one of the professors interposed that he was not in favor of post-mortems, and, he himself being a hunter of note, gave the conversation a Nim- rodic turn by chasing a Welsh rarebit with a Martini. Those who took part in this sport were sadder the next morning Bud Weiser. Post-prandial speeches by Dr. Lambeth on ulntercollegi- ate Pinochlei' and Professor were made in the course of the

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CCJQKSt .3118 C2Ij12,I4S Appomattox, kept the burgee, Damn the Yankeeslu nailed to his mast, and became a pirate. Nothing was then more fitting than that he should settle down among the faculty. I-le is a member of the Colonnacle Club, and exercises police power there by letting in plenty of fresh air and making Mr. Dobie take his feet off the mahogany furniture. Among the gifts handed out to the professors, their faces beaming with childish joy, were the following: to Professor Graves, a cluster and aprong to Dr. Dick Bird, an aeroplaneg to Sir Walter Raleigh Minor, a slight brochure of 2,000 pages on Lord Chesterfielcl's Polite Lettersgh to Professor Watson, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmesgn to Professor Dunnington, a crimsonbeak pince-nezg and to Little Albert Lefevre, a wig. Wait! I-las Dobie been forgotten? Give him the clog. With this distribution of gifts, a testimony of the regard in which the faculty is held among themselves, the banquet was over. l3Z