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Page 8 text:
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One Chief Ray, head of UNC-A Security Police, mistook his ma ce for his sine-aid. This tragic injury resulted in the acquisition of Baron, a German Shepherd skilled in sniffing and locating dope. Auditions for the role of student food service were held at Mission Memorial Hospital. As a reward for participating in the auditions, students were given three hours semester credit and a major medical plan. Upon verification of an electrocardiogram Dr. Walker was proved to be alive despite some rumors of Rigor Mortis. (He ' s expected to complete his sentence in a very few weeks.) The Student Government is presently attempting to pass some legislation calling for the union of the Infirmary with the Asheville City Morgue. The rationale from one to the other. Two students were discovered at the end of a line leading to the Registrar ' s office. Unfortunately, the two students were pronounced dead on arrival at Mission Hos- pital. Cause of death was determined to be dehydration and malnutrition. According to the attending physician, the two students had evidently been standing in that line for one year. A new super hero came into being on the campus at UNC-A. A dark-featured man wearing a wooly sweater with a big red Z sewn on the front, was seen dashing around the campus attempting to save students from the hell thev had enrolled in.
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Page 9 text:
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Dear Diary: I began today by knocking on Billy ' s door. In moments he had the dead bolt unfastened and the chain off the door. Looking as disheveled as usual in his full length, double-breasted terry cloth robe, he shuffled to the kitchen to make the first decision of the day which breakfast cereal from the variety pack to choose. A quick spin of the spoon, made it another Captain Crunch day. However, he couldn ' t decide if breakfast was wo rth it without his Donald Duck bowl leaving him to make the decision he gave me the keys to his room to pick out his outfit for the day. It being Cap- tain Crunch day, I quickly laid out his dark blue suit with the secret pockets. After putting his I.D. card in his jacket pocket, (should he need it for reference during the day). I also gave him 20 t for milk money. Billy came in and pro- ceeded to dress. While I was tending to his dirty dishes he filled his small flask and packed it along with a straw in his back pocket. Some people would say we ' re in a rut but with my Bill it would be a mistake to change any smooth function- ing routine, afterall love means never having to change one ' s routine.
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