University of North Carolina Asheville - Archive Yearbook (Asheville, NC)

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I ©©Mggcfla Funny Pages (Deep Philosophical Ruminations) Editorial (Shit Hits Fan) Letters to the Editor (Dear Abbey Strikes Again) True Facts Ms. Highsmith ' s Diary (Midnight Confessions) Biggies on Campus The New Senate Game by Mattel 23rd Bong UNC-A Divinities Uncle Bill ' s Coloring Book (Cravons not Included) 1 2 3

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One Chief Ray, head of UNC-A Security Police, mistook his ma ce for his sine-aid. This tragic injury resulted in the acquisition of Baron, a German Shepherd skilled in sniffing and locating dope. Auditions for the role of student food service were held at Mission Memorial Hospital. As a reward for participating in the auditions, students were given three hours semester credit and a major medical plan. Upon verification of an electrocardiogram Dr. Walker was proved to be alive despite some rumors of Rigor Mortis. (He ' s expected to complete his sentence in a very few weeks.) The Student Government is presently attempting to pass some legislation calling for the union of the Infirmary with the Asheville City Morgue. The rationale from one to the other. Two students were discovered at the end of a line leading to the Registrar ' s office. Unfortunately, the two students were pronounced dead on arrival at Mission Hos- pital. Cause of death was determined to be dehydration and malnutrition. According to the attending physician, the two students had evidently been standing in that line for one year. A new super hero came into being on the campus at UNC-A. A dark-featured man wearing a wooly sweater with a big red Z sewn on the front, was seen dashing around the campus attempting to save students from the hell thev had enrolled in.