University of North Carolina Asheville - Archive Yearbook (Asheville, NC)

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Letters to the Editor Dear Editors: What is not a 24 hour banking system, weighs 2,642 pounds, and never sleeps? The dog pound won ' t send anyone til we can tell them what it is and we can ' t get out to score. I must go help hold the door. Please hurry! FLIPPED OUT IN FLATBUSH. Dear Flipped: Her name is Elvira Simms. Tell her you are both homosexual and she will go away. Please do not give her our address. THE EDITORS. Dear Sirs: If one reads your magazine while hanging like a bat, it makes more sense. Is this how you write it? VLAD DRACUL, TRANSYLVANIA HEIGHTS. Dear Vlad: We write most of it from a squat. Three guesses why. ED. NOTICE: To our perterbed contributor; We send your manuscripts back unused because we have all the shit we need.

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Dear Diary: I began today by knocking on Billy ' s door. In moments he had the dead bolt unfastened and the chain off the door. Looking as disheveled as usual in his full length, double-breasted terry cloth robe, he shuffled to the kitchen to make the first decision of the day which breakfast cereal from the variety pack to choose. A quick spin of the spoon, made it another Captain Crunch day. However, he couldn ' t decide if breakfast was wo rth it without his Donald Duck bowl leaving him to make the decision he gave me the keys to his room to pick out his outfit for the day. It being Cap- tain Crunch day, I quickly laid out his dark blue suit with the secret pockets. After putting his I.D. card in his jacket pocket, (should he need it for reference during the day). I also gave him 20 t for milk money. Billy came in and pro- ceeded to dress. While I was tending to his dirty dishes he filled his small flask and packed it along with a straw in his back pocket. Some people would say we ' re in a rut but with my Bill it would be a mistake to change any smooth function- ing routine, afterall love means never having to change one ' s routine.

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For Your Enjoyment: More and Better Funnies by Ms. Leslie Deane j fyp ' THE WKDMAN,yftl j YHftftfil alias }m(m nsc|y jack Pua£ £»?«wmjS| IS REtAviMG if 1 whch u£ m- M oSl HEAKi THE M — B news of nkr ' 1 OOA ttro .v jbuB fl Br l l i.t A4C. . . Jl R cJi