University of Illinois High School - U and I Yearbook (Urbana, IL)

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Page Twenty-.fix HATCHET ORATION It has been the custom of my predecessors to laud unduly their own classes and to defame, in each case, the one which was to follow. I detest those who boast, but I have no compunction in relating the unvarnished truth about my class. As concerns the customary defamatory remarks, none need be made in this case. Among the outstanding successes of the year was the Senior Play. In fact, so outstanding was our dramatic presentation that my worthy opponent, seated in the first row, blistered his fingers in removing photo-Hash bulbs. University High School, by virtue of the Senior Class, has seen the most outstanding season in its sports history, which, I am proud to relate, has been the very essence of probity. However, having said this, I am here to present to the present Iunior Class this hatchet with a remarkable past. Prophecy with regard to its future does not become me. It is scarcely possible that I may exclude a note of pessimism at this timeg but since I perceive a spark of knowledge glowing in the present Iunior Class, I feel that if this spark is carefully fanned by our faculty, it may develop into a mediocre flame which will dissimilate a small amount of the light of wisdom in the year to come. With this rather Utopian dream I present this hatchet to the Iunior Class. F. WILLIAM CAGLE -5 fn' Mimi

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Warren Goodell, inventor of the U-Hold-It-EZ.-Pencil fshaped to fit the earj, has been selling peanuts at intramural track meets for four years now, with great success. Gwendolyn Smith, now known as jazzy Gwen, is saxophonist in Ioe's Hot Four. Don Kane is now President of the Here Today-Gone Tomorrow Oil Company. Buy Now and Save. F. Dwyer Murphy, golfer-lawyer, is also a popular after-dinner speaker. His stentorian voice is often heard in politics, too. Betty Anne Carter, P. E. teacher for the Y. W. C. A., has just returned from China. Mary Iohnson, notorious gun-moll, secretary of Iack Kortkamp, has just been apprehended by the long arm of the law. Billy Cagle has just salvaged his precious alligator notebook from the ruins of the fourth laboratory he has blown up this year. Mary Sanford is now vocal music editor of the Off Key Music Magazine. Floyd Parks is the test pilot used by the U. S. Marines for unusual stress under heavy loads tests. He receives a phenomenal salary. Iohn Hofmann is now first trombonist for the New York Philharmonic Orchestra. Myron Sholem, ticket agent and ring master for the Colossal Two-Ring Com- bined Flea and Dog Circus, uses Pekingese dogs exclusively. Iane Burke, eminent surrealist, has just Finished her monumental biography of Iames Stewart. Christ Katsinas, noted lawyer, has developed a habit of leading the jury in cheers during the intermission. Louise Proehl's new novel, 'lOnly a Ditch Digger's Daughter, has been cut and recut from twenty thousand pages to seven. Ruth Iacobs, well known psychologist, is in charge of the paranoiac section of the U-Ketch-Em, We-Kure-Em Asylum. Celia Christie has been judging dogs at county fairs for the highest fees yet paid. Mrs. Gene Stern, once known as Evelyn Straub, runs a zoological garden and tames her own lions with modern psychology. Her husband is teaching speech and dramatics at University High School under the recommendation of Professor Emer- itus R. C. Skinner. He has clamped down on gum chewing. David MacMillan, multi-millionaire airplane designer, drives a family of little twirlers around in his year-after-next Packard Special. Lee Stevenson, famous surgeon, is writing a series of articles for the Popular Science Monthly on How to Cut Up People and Infiuence Friends. Mary Woodxvorth is using her wily ways to influence the patients at the Last Stop Hospital. She is head nurse now. CELIA CHRISTIE LEE STEWNSON DAVID VEST.AL MARY WooDwoRTH Page Twenty-five

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JUNIOR RESPONSE Thank you. My opponent's remarks are quite pointed. However, I come to bury the Senior Class, not to praise it. I appreciate being the agent who restores this ancient axe to its due position of honor. I am apprehensive, not so much for the hatchet, but rather for its donors. Even though we dispunge and ignore the Senior dissimulative disquisition, we, in generosity to fallen foe, shall reward them with this gilded soap box for future orations. When cracking the Senior nut, we seek the sweetness in the kernel,-there is none. We, the Iunior Class, are disseminators of light and truth. The Seniors deny this. Yet how can they see our wisdom? How can the blind see, the deaf hear, the unenlightened know? The Senior Play-I've already forgotten its name-was fine, as Senior produc- tions go. The Photo and Snaps Editor of the U and I asked me to take pictures of the play. They were to be used to refresh onels memory at a later date. Why any one would care to remember the play is beyond me. I went to the thing with some doubts. It is suflicient to say that the above mentioned editor preferred to go skating that night. The Iunior Play was a success unparalleled in the history of the theatre of the school. By virtue of Iunior preponderance in the face of marked Senior paucity in the field of sports, the reputation of the school has been greatly enhanced. I wish to leave to the Sophomore Class this candy cane to assist them up the steep path of our accomplishments. We shall not be critical, even with an infinitesimal measure of success this hatchet shall be theirs. Lastly, a fond farewell to the Senior Class, and congratulations to Mr. Cagle upon his framing of an excellent Senior motto, Nihil, e nihil ergo nihil. Translated, the motto becomes Nothing can come of nothing, therefore we have nothing. CHARLES WHITMORE Page Twenty-:even .AM