University of Illinois High School - U and I Yearbook (Urbana, IL)

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Warren Goodell, inventor of the U-Hold-It-EZ.-Pencil fshaped to fit the earj, has been selling peanuts at intramural track meets for four years now, with great success. Gwendolyn Smith, now known as jazzy Gwen, is saxophonist in Ioe's Hot Four. Don Kane is now President of the Here Today-Gone Tomorrow Oil Company. Buy Now and Save. F. Dwyer Murphy, golfer-lawyer, is also a popular after-dinner speaker. His stentorian voice is often heard in politics, too. Betty Anne Carter, P. E. teacher for the Y. W. C. A., has just returned from China. Mary Iohnson, notorious gun-moll, secretary of Iack Kortkamp, has just been apprehended by the long arm of the law. Billy Cagle has just salvaged his precious alligator notebook from the ruins of the fourth laboratory he has blown up this year. Mary Sanford is now vocal music editor of the Off Key Music Magazine. Floyd Parks is the test pilot used by the U. S. Marines for unusual stress under heavy loads tests. He receives a phenomenal salary. Iohn Hofmann is now first trombonist for the New York Philharmonic Orchestra. Myron Sholem, ticket agent and ring master for the Colossal Two-Ring Com- bined Flea and Dog Circus, uses Pekingese dogs exclusively. Iane Burke, eminent surrealist, has just Finished her monumental biography of Iames Stewart. Christ Katsinas, noted lawyer, has developed a habit of leading the jury in cheers during the intermission. Louise Proehl's new novel, 'lOnly a Ditch Digger's Daughter, has been cut and recut from twenty thousand pages to seven. Ruth Iacobs, well known psychologist, is in charge of the paranoiac section of the U-Ketch-Em, We-Kure-Em Asylum. Celia Christie has been judging dogs at county fairs for the highest fees yet paid. Mrs. Gene Stern, once known as Evelyn Straub, runs a zoological garden and tames her own lions with modern psychology. Her husband is teaching speech and dramatics at University High School under the recommendation of Professor Emer- itus R. C. Skinner. He has clamped down on gum chewing. David MacMillan, multi-millionaire airplane designer, drives a family of little twirlers around in his year-after-next Packard Special. Lee Stevenson, famous surgeon, is writing a series of articles for the Popular Science Monthly on How to Cut Up People and Infiuence Friends. Mary Woodxvorth is using her wily ways to influence the patients at the Last Stop Hospital. She is head nurse now. CELIA CHRISTIE LEE STEWNSON DAVID VEST.AL MARY WooDwoRTH Page Twenty-five

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Page Twenty-four CLASS PROPHECY You are cordially invited to a d67720725ll'6lfli07'l of our newly perfected Time-Machine, The Chroinotron, at 7230 on the second of lane, Class Night. Professor Lainprey ancl Associates P.W.A.P., D.W.P. fPr0fess0r W'ith0iit Any Proofj lD0ct0r With Past Q R.S.V.P. Ruth Clifford, while teaching piano to Charles Wikoff, sprained seven fingers. What next? Thumbs. Sonny Busey is following in the footsteps of the great Cincinnatus, having given up the plow to lead the armies of his country. Martha Coodwine, Interior Decorator Extraordinary, has just designed the Iani- tor's Playroom for the Builtless Hotel. Nancy Carter, ancient language specialist, has been digging up clay tablets in California. Stephen Cleaver, President of the Anti-Saloon League of New York, has just refused testimonials to eighteen fcount lemj tobacco companies. Ioanne Hills, honorary member of the Bob White Clarinet Club, has succeeded Culbertson as the Buddha of Bridge. Mary Squires, who secretly bought the R. C. A. Building, has just published her new book, Do You Have the Voice of a Man or a Mouse?-How to Develop It. Bill Bullock, having spent an average of four years in each class in the University, hopes to become a senior fairly soon. His instructors advise attendance at classes. Barbara Boulware is now the NEW EMILY POST. Betty Iones, former airline hostess, is running a crocodile ranch in Florida. Forrest Wilson is chef in the Hotel Metropole in Paris. His hobby is photo- graphing his own cakes. David Vestal, poet of the Russian Revolution, is just finishing his spicy play, The Life of Pushkin. Erna Wolf, Dynamic Speaker for Democracy, receives four thousand letters a week from admirers. Wayne Bell is now living prosperously on the salary he receives for teaching Advanced Agriculture at the U. of I. Ruby fRedj McCormick, boxing instructor for the Navy, is very busy with her housework, a difhcult task on a battleship.

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Page Twenty-.fix HATCHET ORATION It has been the custom of my predecessors to laud unduly their own classes and to defame, in each case, the one which was to follow. I detest those who boast, but I have no compunction in relating the unvarnished truth about my class. As concerns the customary defamatory remarks, none need be made in this case. Among the outstanding successes of the year was the Senior Play. In fact, so outstanding was our dramatic presentation that my worthy opponent, seated in the first row, blistered his fingers in removing photo-Hash bulbs. University High School, by virtue of the Senior Class, has seen the most outstanding season in its sports history, which, I am proud to relate, has been the very essence of probity. However, having said this, I am here to present to the present Iunior Class this hatchet with a remarkable past. Prophecy with regard to its future does not become me. It is scarcely possible that I may exclude a note of pessimism at this timeg but since I perceive a spark of knowledge glowing in the present Iunior Class, I feel that if this spark is carefully fanned by our faculty, it may develop into a mediocre flame which will dissimilate a small amount of the light of wisdom in the year to come. With this rather Utopian dream I present this hatchet to the Iunior Class. F. WILLIAM CAGLE -5 fn' Mimi