University of Wisconsin Eau Claire - Periscope Yearbook (Eau Claire, WI)

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Collegiate It should be of greatest interest to all educators to discover that the class of '34 has opened the portals of learning, and has added hitherto unknown realms of knowledge. The new store of facts was brought to light by a general information test administered (without previous warning) by Mr. Fox. Some of the amazing and almost Riplcy-esquc responses to the test questions revealed the following data: Zook (United States Commissioner of Education) is a river in Russia, also the Chief of the Soviet Korea is an island in Japan, or as one Senior would have it. the Mohammedan Bible. Carthage, despite the teachings of our geography and history teachers, may be located any where except in America Amur (river in Manchuria) is now Mayor of New York. La Guardia has mysteriously become the Commissioner of Education. This is a secret unknown even to President Roosevelt. The Volga is a river in Manchuria. Hypotenuse, that banc of the mathematics student struggling with the Pythagorean proposition, appears in the new light of a character in Greek mythology- The Fox. Rock, and Chippewa rivers flow into the Wisconsin River, the Mississippi River, and l-akc Superior. simultaneously. Racine and Kenosha have moved to the banks of the Mississippi. Perhaps the mayors of the two cities preferred a river location. The Magna Carta is a charter drawn up by the Pilgrims before landing at Plymouth Could it be that English historians have been mistaken these many years1 If so. there is a chance that they were wrong about Feudalism, which one Senior defined as “a social practice in the Kentucky mountains, in which the natives engaged in feuds.Feudalism was also defined as an industrial system in France during the French Revolution. The Ganges is a river, u country, a city, a mountain range Choose according to your preference. Silas Marner has become one of Dickens' most famous novels. Only a few of the samples of the answers found in the test have been listed. Without a doubt, nearly every one. after reading them, will sec the great advantages offered by a college education. The Friz-Toe Tragedik Canto I The glasse-faccd songster. Bvgc liennc Cloc I Ian wounde hys bugle home. And toldc the wcarie professor The commyngc of the morne. Kyngf A. L sawc the ruddie streakes f lyghtc cclypsc the grcic. And herdc Mrs. A. L.’s boomyngc voyce Proclayme the fated daie. Okch, quod hcc. for. by the Goddc Ihatt syttes enthron'd' on hyghe. My studentes surclie crowdc the doore; For mce theye pync and syghe Thence, wythc a boxc of F ! F's (iContinued on page 158) Dells Paper Pulp Co. EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN Manufacturers of School Papers, Tissue Papers, Fruit Wraps, Paper Towels, Figures and Manilas, and all Specialty Papers made from Sulphite and Groundwood. one hundred fifty-seven

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H. F. Vanderbie JEWELER and SILVERSMITH Highest Cash Prices Paid for Old Gold EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN Interesting Companions Undoubtedly realizing that they have heretofore neglected the “Book of Books. many college students when approached with the old yet thought-provoking ouestion as to what five books they would choose for a desert islund companion, chose the Bible first. They gave no reason for including the Bible on their list— its value was taken for granted. However, the professor who has labored through tedious periods to make his classes appreciate literature will be proud to know that Shakespeare's plays achieved a place second only to the Bible. The list included such favorites as Hamlet A Midsummer Night 's Dream, and The Tempest. The choices of those who were asked the question ranged all the way from the classics to contemporary books. Joan Fisher confessed her fondness for Cyrano dc Bergerac, and James O'Donnell insisted on taking a copy of Milton's Paradise Lost. Edna Mary l ec named Galsworthy's Forsyte Saga. Undsct's krsiten Lavransdalter. and Millay's Second April. Choosing from American poets. Anne Hcnncman placed Leaves of Grass among her selections. The “practical choices came from Bill Stafford and Eldon Pratt. As might be cxpxtcd from a science major, Bill would take with nim textbooks on botany, invertebrate zoology, anatomy, and psychology ' in order to better understand his surroundings The cver-studious Eldon would take five books on the Einstein Theory, presumably feeling safe in the knowledge that he could never hope to exhaust their contents. “Bob Mills, however, thought of his physical needs first. Heading his list was Nancy Crocker's Cook Book, and then he added Shakespeare and a volume of short stories to “guard against the possibility of going insane! Anon. Hands Hands arc like the person to whom they belong. Somehow- the secret character of the person is told by the hands, although some of them do not tell the story very well. One day in the library my eyes wandered and came to rest upon a pair of hands. They were a striking pair. 'ITiey were coarse and worn, but the nails were beautifully curved and cut. What did these hands tell of the persons character? Without knowing the person, one could get an idea of the owner of those hands. We Thank You For Your Patronage IDLEWILD Always the Best Music Eau Claire, Wis. Again my eyes wandered around the room and suddenly caught a bright spot of color. A finger nail? Yes! This was another pair of striking hands The nails were brilliant red and the hands were milk white. T his pair of hands certainly “gave away the person's character, and the story was very well told. Anon. Teachers’ Retirement Fund Cheer up future school teachers! When you enter the ranks of the teaching profession you will be assuring yourself an income for your declining years. In view of the past few years, wouldn't that appeal to a young person preparing to enter any profession? ITie prospect is made possible by the Wisconsin Teachers' Retirement Fund. From the time a teacher has attained the age of twenty-five years, he automatically begins to save money for this fund by paying in five percent of his income, 'lire state, out of its income from income sur-taxes. then pays into the fund a constantly increasing sum. from year to year, and then in addition to this the state gives each teacher a bonus of twenty-five dollars each year. Any Wisconsin teacher is privileged to retire after having taught for twenty-five years and reached the age of fifty, and receive a monthly income for the remainder of his life. Depending on the amount of the teacher's income and length of service, the monthly payment will range from twenty-five dollars or more each month. In the event the teacher dies before retiring from the profession. the entire fund accumulated to his credit is paid to his estate, just as life insurance is paid. This phase of the Wisconsin teacher's opportunities is one that is not usually understood by many people. even those contemplating a teaching profession. Anon. Closely Allied Dr. Schneider—Who will take the topic on the concentration of wealth in the United States? Mr. I Icydcr- May I take that topic? Dr. S.—But you're working on the Jewish question. Mr. Hcydcr -I know, but they're so closely allied. one hundred fifty- ix

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USE CLASSIFIED ADS — IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR WORK, A BOARDING PLACE, A ROOM, OR HAVE SOMETHING TO SELL, USE A CLASSIFIED AD The Eau Claire Leader and The Daily Telegram Eau Claire, Wisconsin {Continued from page 157) And kerchiefs numbered eighte. Fulle onne hys over r-coatc. hce drcwc. And spedde through posternne gate. Unhccdyng. goode Sir Murray tore Across hys neighbour s lawne. And hurdled hedge withe spryghtlie grace, Lyke somme slccke prankyngc fawnc. Awaie. awaie. I must awaie. ’ Quod hce, and spytt a spatt. Bye chaunce I'm late for classc todaic. I'll telle 'emm thys and thatt. Canto II Desparvnge, ynne a laste attemptc. Hce thumbed a passyng carrc; When dutie calls a manne of partes, Reserve goes ”au revoir. The dryver sawc him strugglyngc there Against the icic blowes; The dryver was a studentc, and Meethynks hce thumbed hys nose. Attc last the goode professor stopped; Hys sweete mouthc popped wyde ope. Quod hce, Were 1 hys dadde. I'd washc Hys thumbe and nose wythc soape. Perverted sense of humourc thatt. Ye foe of wytt and prudence; How cannc you rcconcylc thatt aette Wythc Eau Clayre's college studentes? Oh. noble schoole I ve seen you cope Wythc gamblyng and wythc thieves. I've herdc your wortnie pilotes flayle The cursed snotte-grecn seas. These glories holdc; they're yours bye grace Ol Hym who syttes onn hyghe. Butt Goddc forbyddc your studentes thus To pass Sir Murray bye. Canto 111 Sir Murray clenched hys fystes and wheeled. A curse was onne hys lypes; Chaste lypes whence slyps those flyppantc quyps Soc loved bye English Lits. Bye Jove. quod hce and struggled on, I'd better bee a jumpyn . Two bits, before 1 reach the dorre. I'll freeze a toe—or sumpyn'. And soc yt goes, hys toes did freeze— A noble sacrifyce To reach hys eager waityngc classc. A phyfanthropic pryce. How fate couldc bee soc down-righte mean, I haven’t wordes to saie— That daic was Tuesdaie. and you know. There ayn't no classe thatt daief—A.W. L'Envoy Toward his trusty parkynge playcc, SyngwilUvw, willow, willow. Fled studente varlct fast away, Willow, willow, syng willow; But whenne he came unto that spotte He foundc. alas, the space was notte, Soe myssed his classe, and a callynge gotte-Alack, alack, and alack-a-daye!—A.L M. Whoop and Hoi.ler I ts the fight ingest club in school. said Presidenf jim Barnes. Five of the members of Major Simpson's Physiography class decided that life was pretty dead, and Whoop and Holler was the result. This club has two principal aims: First, to yell louder than anyone else in assembly during pep meeting, and second, to keep Bill Zorn in g«xxl training for his career as an orator. An organized cheering section insures the yelling. and constant speaking aids Bill. Every morning before class begins, the Board of Directors has a meeting. The Board consists of Jim Barnes. Al Setter. Bob Bemish. and Jim Hendrickson. Ihc club's code of ethics is too complicated to be printed in full. However, one important rule should be given. Two demerits shall be given to any member caught studying in the library or going to any class on time, says this rule. Besides the Board of Directors, there are several leading members. Tney are: Grand Chief of All the Exalted Whoopees— Don Barnes. Grand Chief of All the Exalted Hollcrcrs— Sam Hollcn. (Continued on page 159) one hundred fifty eight