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Page 18 text:
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8 THE HADCIER. But. to take you into our confidence entirely, we must tell you that Mr. Y. objected because, as he said, good looking people always take bad pictures, while Mr. W. said he would never consent to have his grandchildren know that he had not raised a moustache at the age of twenty-one You see, gentle reader, there were weighty considerations for withholding from you this boon; trusting that you have not fully digested the doss ad- ministered by our illustrious predecessors, we hope for indulgence. Among our new departures is the Contribution Box; the original, being of a yellowish hue. was placed in Main Building hall-way as a receptacle for such varied effusions of men- tal energy as might happen to break forth. Was ever success more marked! At first its purpose was mistaken by the innocent seniors headed by Deacon B.. who dropped into it their scanty shekels as a thank-offering to their ■ ' lalla. When they learned their mistake it was too late, for Mr. H. had already appropriated the funds, which our business partners invested in one of those extended bums they so charmingly style hunting ads. But no sooner had the college population caught on to the true intent of our mysterious box, than they began to pour in upon us a mighty flood of poems, jokes, chestnuts, and such other diverse and variegated chattels as will be detailed at length under the proper heading. We also heard complaints that some of our would-be contributors were unable to inject their more voluminous works on Hygiene and Comparative Psych into our box; so we delegated Mr. M. to widen the aperture and thus give them every possible encouragement. The result of these effusions when read before the Board, was, as you may well imagine, simply disastrous. The ladies swooned away repeatedly, Mr. F. had to be led out into the open air five separate and distinct times, and Mr. L. said he thanked Heaven that he had been a member of Hesperia for two years, that, had strengthened his nerves. Upon one occasion when a particularly heartrending, inveterate pun was read, the old upholstered armchair, our silent but dignified comparison, collapsed with a groan; its unhappy ruins are now religiously guarded by W. M. S., and shown to visitors as an inducement to contemplation on the serious and dangerous character of puns. Having thus permitted you some glimpse into our workshop, we hand to you, dear reader, the result of our labors, the book whose sole purpose is to please you, and whose numerous shortcomings we commend to your kind indulgence. The H. ppv Thirteen.
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Page 17 text:
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J o }e ' Reaber. W ' lC no fears, dear reackr, for though we shall torture you by manifold devices, yet our leniency will not :illo v us to spring on you the ancient metaphor of catching the badger on the beautiful shores of Lake Mendota. We fully realize the poetical vigor of this pleasant conceit, and congratulate the man or board in whose fertile imagination this highly original figure (irst made its appearance; but the genial manner in which it has been treated and pushed to the verge of literary possibility by the last board, makes it as much out of the question for us succeeding generations to take it up again, as would be the idea of writing a second Kalstaff. , nd, to speak frankly about the matter, dear reader, catching a badger saems but one- twentieth the labor of grinding out a Badger; indeed the latter comes to seem almost a Sisyphean task after you have spent weeks in hopeless endeavor to be facetious. In the beginning when such select specimens, true blessings to this weary life, as Monroe, or . nthony. Joseph, or Clyde, are under consideration, the Badgerite swims in apt ideas; but when the stale, weary, flat, ommon run of humanity demands to be poetized and dis- tinguished by satire or encomium, then, indeed, the tribulation commences. The pin- nacle of mental anguish, however, is reached when you wring your brains for an ode to alma mater, a sublime . H C-poem. or a heroic epic on some li,i rittilli- that would have pa.ssed unnoticed, had not you in your tine frenzy clung to it for poetical inspiration, as Komeo to the wintlow-sill when his rope-ladder gave way. Let us pa.ss over these dark hours, for pessimism is lurking everywhere, and turn our thought to the moment when with moist eye of repentance and gratitude, Sidney will step up to us and say; ' Vou liave truly discovered my faults; I am henceforth a better man Heaven bless you! It may. however, notbeoutof the place to remark right here, for the benefit of those hardened specimens who will refuse to see our good will towards them, that in its last session the board appropriated $. )() to enable their chief athlete to take further lessons in fencing and hewing .as well as to import a sturdy shillalah. This gentleman will cheerfully hear any complaints, . s you mayhavenoticed.it has become customary for annuals, like patent medicines, to proclaim their vast superiority over everything that has gone before; as we. for one reason, utterly detest all chestnuts, we shall not follow the custom. We cannot, however, re- frain from acknowledging the vast preeminenC of the former book in many respects, as well as our own sins of omission The centre of gravity of the last volume, the point around which all the poetic treasures clustered was the image (as Dan would have said) of the classic features of the board. Do you not think the world owes them eternal gratitude for this aesthetic education, this accumulation of the sublime and the beautiful, this modernized Olympus? Can we not by looking upon these countenances explain the grandeur of their poetry? Will not future generations point to R. ' s vaulted forehead and say Hence sprang the profound Ode to the Water Pail. or to I. ' s thoughtful visage and remark Here origin- ated the wonderful prose romance of Finn. or to K. ' s sardonic sneer and exclaim Be- hold the power behind the throne, the inspiration? Should then we common mortals imitate these gods? Would it not be like the glowworm trying to make people believe it was still day. after the glorious sun had set?
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