University of Wisconsin Madison - Badger Yearbook (Madison, WI)

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PREF @E. §ND it came to pass in the five and eightieth year, in the month when the leaf falleth and the little grasshopper turneth up his toes, that it entered into the heart of them which were called Juniors, to inscribe in a book the mighty deeds that were done in those days. For these Juniors dwelt in a temple of learning, where there were many things worthy to be recorded, verily they dwelt in the temple which in the Badger tongue is called U. W. Now this book was to be for the afflicting of the nations, yea for afflicting them with divers and great plagues: plagues of puns, and plagues of cuts, and plagues of verse, and whatsoever plague pla£ueth the brain of man, with these were the nations to be plagued. And in those days, there ruled in this temple of learning certain mighty men, and the mighty men sware unto the Juniors saying: “By the great horned spoons, ye shall do that which it hath seemed good in your heart to do; for the mighty men are with you, even to Elisha the Badgerite of the tribe of Keysan.” But behold as the cold and dismal days drew on an evil spirit came into the temple which did stir up dissension between the mighty men and them which were called Juniors and the conflict waxed hot. So all the days of the book were five and seventy days, and it died. . And behold in the six and eightieth year there arose yet other Juniors, and they filled the temple, yea sometimes overflowing into the fields about the temple and the very orchards thereof, and they displaced the Juniors that went before them. Now when the spirit of wisdom had come upon them like the wandering bean from the bean-shooter, they said in their hearts: “ Let us not do like unto the Juniors of ’86 and ’87—for 11

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12 TttE TR0OH0S. thus were the classes before them called—let us not be fearful in heart, let us put forth a book like unto the first, whose reading was for the troubling of the nations. And the mighty men saw the work of the Juniors of ’88 that it was good. And the mighty men did prosper them exceedingly in their work even unto Elisha the Badgerite of the tribe of Keysan. Now the time draweth near for the appearing of the book and great is the rejoicing in the temple. The Senior neglect-eth his ethics for the book, the Sophomore putteth away his tar and club and the little Freshman within the gates bloweth his little conch with joy. Now these are the names of the men of cunning who did aid in making the book, besides the men of the Juniors whose names are written in the book: There was a Gentile whose surname was Towne, and he was crafty in the law; and Eckel, who was likewise called Philip and Ryder and Park and Bryant of the tribe of Jesse. These have all wrought well for the adornment of the book. Now in the temple of learning were certain tribes of men, who possessed mighty secrets. And some of these men did withdraw their support from the book. Yea with their heels they did kick. They would have no annual from the great temple of learning because they would not that the name of another tribe should appear first in the book. And the names of these tribes were in the Grecian tongue; BETA THETA PI, PHI KAPPA PSI, CHI PSI, and SIGMA CHI. Therefore the names of the men of these tribes are blotted out from the book which the Juniors did write for the afflicting of the nations. Now this is the beginning of the book. In it the Juniors of ’88, greet the other temples in the country where the bird of freedom floppeth and screecheth in his might. Yea to all peoples, whoso readeth the book, may there come peace after affliction and laughter after tears. Let the trumpet blow. Selah.