University of Toronto Schools - Twig Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE TWIG The Chronicle of the Cafeteria fBeing a veracious rendering of a portion of the Saxon Chronicle., A certain ruler prepared a Cafeteria, and the place thereof was a lower chamber of the palace, and he bade thereto his whole household. And straightway many began to make excuses, and one said Verily, l must meet a beauteous damsel at the sign of the Owl, and so l cannot come , and an- other said, Lo, l have not the price, having squandered all my substance fsave only a plugged nickel, and a pink car-ticketl at the house of the man l..oew g and yet another made excuse and said, My spirit is not at ease before thy handmaiden, and besides, l know not the forks. Then said the ruler. Fic upon these cheap knavesg verily he that squanders his coin on the toothsome sweet and buyeth the ice-cream cone when it is hot, he it is who ruineth his digestion in due course, and he shall but smell the odours of my feast in the upper chambers of my palace. And at the sixth hour of the second day of the week Went great multitudes into the banqueting hall, and they gave unto the money-changer .according to their means and their capacities, and many there were who strove to obtain by stealth a double portion at the feast, but the handmaiden brooked it not. And delicious odours filled the air. For the Mulligatawny soup simmered in the cauldron. Yes, weiners and many of the Fifty-seven Varieties bubbled in the flesh- pots, and the raisin pie was good to look upon, though the portions thereof were as a fly on the hack of an elephant for size. And the hanclmaiden that did carve at the joint was tall of stature and ruddy of coun- tenance, like unto Diana, or one of the lm- mortals, and she spake not at all. But she that ministered at the beans and pursued the fragrant Weiners in their juicy lair was lowly, and plied her goodly conversation without ceasing. Then they all sate them down to meat, and the ruler was well pleased with the ban- queting hall he had made, and they of his household went not again to the sign of the Owl save only a few fellows of the baser sort who dallied with the Queen of the Soda Fountain. -The Annals, l9l4-l9l6. Gourlay: She told her dad l was the mark of all her affections. Smith: What did her dad do then? Gourlay: l-le Toed the mark. -The Twig, l924. Policeman Cto Mr. Lougheed, who has witnessed an auto accidentj: Can you tell me the number of the car? Mr. Lougheed: 'Tm afraid l don't know that, but l do remember that, if the number were multiplied by itself, the cube root of the product would equal the difference of the digits reversed. ig: 1 A. fxilfrig If . 5 T if ff, ,. . If ,L l 1: 'A' ' 11742 X fr :L if . it I . f L, Ei if -- ff , J ' r ' 1 ' ,f if a ' fi rf ua if ' X s A.. x .yo N0 , L . ' Kid 'ff' ' , i ,.' . , Q- Q, ij I I ,LS xg 2 g7gPI P 3 luwiui! Y, X ,t Aiea-L ii - ' - J l .. - fb I 5 X 1' L . I warned ya about that two-bits one- Shouldrft a bin a piker!

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THE TWIG SENIOR RUGBY The University of Toronto Schools, cele- brating its twenty-fifth anniversary, has every reason to be proud of its achievements in the academic and sports fields. Through- out the years since l9l0, the U.T.S. stand- ard-bearers have been to the fore, ever prominent, fair and proficient. ln l92l l had the honour to be appointed coach of the U.T.S. football team, and l have retained that position to this day. l also have guided some very fine U.T.S. hockey aggregations, but force of circum- stances caused me to relinquish these duties quite some time ago. Football at U.T.S. never has been sub- sidized and never will be. We take what we have for what it is worth and trust that. in defeat or in victory, there will be no alibis, no undue exultation. Play the game is the slogan, and win or lose, do it gracefully. Since 1921 U.T.S, players have received a minimum of penalties. They have gone through numerous campaigns Without get- ting even one nod of disapproval from the officials. No other team in the Dominion can boast of such an enviable record. May they carry on as genuine sportsmen. ln a brief resume, I might say that in l92l, U.T.S. finished as runners-up to Sarnia for the lnterscholastic Union title. They did the same in l922. The next sea- son, a light-weight U T.S. squad, conceding the great Oakwood C.l. team twenty-seven pounds to the man, were eliminated by the margin of one point. Hamilton C.l. put U.T.S. out of the run- ning in 1924, but in l925 Joe Cook and company won the lnterscholastic Union championship, and that team was the strongest ever developed in school ranks. After that the Blue and White battled valiantly, but without success until l929, when they retired, owing to a ruling by the O.R.F.U. that they would have to play a sudden-death game against Delta Collegiate in Hamilton. ln I933, U.T.S. came back with another brilliant team, and won the championship again, but St. Michaels would not be denied in '34 and '35, and youthful U.T.S. teams had to submit to defeat. After fifteen years' experience, I would say that the trouble with U.T.S. players is that they are too clever. They graduate in a hurry, and go on to star in other fields of endeavour, but they are sportsmen, every one, and after all the game of life is bigger and more important than the game of foot- ball. M. Rodden. The l935 team, though it was unable to carry off group honors, entirely measured up to the high standard set by previous U.T.S. teams. The first three games of the season were exhibition games, and while the team gave no outstanding promise in the first of these, losing 29-6 to Central Tech, when they had