University of Toronto Schools - Twig Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE T WIC ln about x years, according to our sci- entist, men will speak entirely in poetry, like this: Mrs. Back-Seat Driver- Should auld acquaintance be forgot, And never brought to mind, You knocked down Cousin Henry, dear, Some fifty yards behind! At the rugby game- But hark! the cry is Astur And lol the ranks divide: Though Muller got a touchdown, lt's for the other side. Pollock: Remember that five-dollar bill you promised me if l passed, dad? Father: Yes. Pollock: Well, l think l'll be able to save you the money. Yes, said Mr. Mills to lllA one balmy spring afternoon, lt isn't the heat, it's the stupidity. A Modern Version of Julius Caesar fCopyright I936, Talmadge E. l-lunt, IIIAJ Scene-The Forum. Enter Caesar and Mob, composed ol' the Chain Gang. Caesar-Let us go .... And do such deeds as will This town paint red. Enter C--Men of the conspiracy. Cinna-Oh, Caesar .... Caesar-Scram! .... Casca-Give 'im do woiks, boys! fRa-ta-ta-tat of machine-guns as Trebonius fires a round.J Caesar-Dey got me, Butch fdiesl. Enter Antony. Anthony-Friends, Romans, and country- people. Lend me your ears. lst Citizen-Say, what is that guy going to borrow next? Antony-Friends, l stand before you, not behind you. I come to bury Caesar, not to raspberry him. fExeunt in confusion., 79 Bennett-This is the illustrious artist of IIIA, known also as Bennett to Mussolini. Dales- Toughy plays tennis and wins scholarships. Deacon-Here is another artist, not a Church official. Greene-This impertinent youngster, a native of France, speaks French like Louis XlVf?l and Latin like a Holstein cow, Gundy-Our Athletic Representative is interested in rugby and girls. Klein-This is the man in IIIA who is al- ways giving masters the slip. Our form captain plays rugby too. Neilson- The Man with the Iron Frame has a great future in the circus or in radio. Patrick-We take this opportunity ol welcoming into our midst Sydney Patrick, late of Runnymede. He is not related to the lrish snake-charmer of the same name. Rice-Our perfect Prefect, also an athlete, is addicted to the hideous art of punning. e.g. The garbage man is happy as can be. There are also names such as Boxer, Cole, Livingston, Rhind, and Pyper, which are self-explanatory. BUGLER GREEN

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THE TWIG the table, beside the table, then under it again. lt was he, with his brilliant dumb show and speaking parts, who made the audience laugh at the rest of the cast. Of course there was an excellent supporting company, with characters such as Falstaff and Henry IV ffirst part, himself. This year Hunt is acting in a play called Macbeth. Do not fail to see him, Talmadge Pavy Hunt, who made Shakespeare famous. Hunt received an elementary education before coming to U.T.S., five years ago, in 3A. He is a radio enthusiast of great vol- ume, and enjoys pulling switches back-stage. Our poetry critic offers his criticism of current IIIA poetry. The Fall of lVlan fDedicated to Cruickshank, for no especial reason., Oh, he shoots through the air with the greatest of grace, The daring young man who once fell on his face, Though his actions are graceful, no girls can he please Because at one time he fell off the trapezef' The critic considered it an insult to be asked to read this. Political Song-20th Century The object of my afflictions, Can change my convictions From Conservative to Red! -By Benn. We would advise Mr. Benn not to ruin a good song next time he gets a childish fit. Fooled Again! An ode in heroic kilometre. When Bairstow first came to this school He thought that he could play the fool. But also came one, Eric Work, And now the fool is played by Work. -By U. Beet lVle. We are not positive, but we believe that the originator of this meant Anode in archaic ammeterf' ln any case, the feeble attempt to work something out of Work brands this attempt as extremely illiterate. Finale. i'Violets are red, Roses are blue, l'm not a poet -So what! -By lra Homer Pollock, R.S.V.P. The dramatic finish to this is too sudden. ln any case, we would advise lVlr. Homer that his future lies, not in poetry, but in some occupation such as shelling butter-nuts at the creamery. Agent 999 reports the following: lVlr. Croal: Could you bring us some of this rock? Pupil: Well, not now. There's an old guy? there who wonit let you go near the place. Mr. Croal: You tell him who you are, and that you are collecting old fossils for U.T.S., and . . . and the class laughed. ln case he should blow up, we wish to record that Work, known to himself as Ericus Operis, carried on his scientific ex- periments towards the end of finding the elusive elixir of life, while in lllA. After he has found it, he will have no end in life. Already he has experimented with arsenic and root-beer, but finds the result unsatis- factory. He may use this to exterminate punsters, however. The answers to the questions on animal life are: l. Baby zebras. 2. The elephant is such a large animal that it is scarcely ever lost. 3. A blind pig. 4. The higher you go the fewer, fThis is an absolute fact., We cannot mention all the famous figures of IIIA from Armstrong to Work, but we wish to record the existence of the following for use in future years. Note: xcuy, used above several times, is idiomatic in the lingua franca of IIIA for man, strongly shaded with contempt.

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THE TWIG KJ ff Jffflfr. ORAL -gompl 7' POLLOCYR DOESN'T QUITE Acne: wnn 'ma svemaea. OVER THE CAFETERIA SOUP-BOWLS l-lorsey: My name is William, but my friends call me 'Bill'. Flanagan: UDO you want me to call you iBill'? l-lorsey: UNO thanks, l have an alarm clock. -This is submitted as a joke by Barnes. Major Bramhtt: 'iwhatl you left your books at home again? Wliat would you think of a soldier who went to war without a gun? Pupil: ul would think he was an officer, sir! flVlean crack No. IJ l-loclgins: What do you do with your clothes when you wear them out? Neilson: Wear them back, of course. fhlokej Bland: Who came after Queen Eliza- beth? Cole: Phillip of Spain, but she turned him clown. fYou'll get this later on., Neilson treading from Chemistry llflan- uall: Surface should be rubbecl clown thoroughly with steel wool.' l-l'mm. Oh, Phillips, what is steel wool? Phillips Cinnocentlyl: l'm not sure, but l think it's the fleece from a hydraulic ram! fLaugh now.J it Oh pity poor young Bill Oke, flhough we fear he is no morel His sole-supporting braces broke ln a fast revolving door! The minister came to the farm ancl stayed to dinner. ln his honour, the farmer killed a rooster. The mother of the brood, however, took her loss bravely and said 'l'm glad he went into the ministry: he cer- tainly would never have macle a layman! lVlr. Croal fin Chemistrylz ul 'have here a 4.4 solution of alcohol. lVlr. Newell fin Literature, : Here lies the port. Mr. Petrie fin Algebral: 'il..et's try the next case. -Contributed by G. l. Smella Rat. Q. 't,C-we-fkprezzb -'Q -H 2 ,A 'X 0 J . :- '- WXY5-as 'fy Q X 2 l..1 ,..1 Q-i 741- Jf' ,,,. , M nlu- Mix- F5 A-' ?' iff k fn