University of Toronto Schools - Twig Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE TWIG ,. .5 . Q X494 ff' LI'e.z...1 im :Wm 5 wi X ,,- .-...- 1 f-' -ff .MY ff ff E, ,- E215 ff 4 wwf - . fftlfglff J 'B51vnfT1 U Form Captain: E.. Klein Prefect: E.. Rice Athletic Representative: R. Gundy Form Reporter: Clarry Herein is presented the official, confiden- tial and impartial report of that assemblage of budding humanity known in official records as IHA, I935-6, and of their illiterate efforts. For further references see under Sport or Police Court News. Note: If you read anything below that has a faint suggestion of humour, remember that it is written after the manner of those Aber- donian parents, who tell their children funny stories when they are young to make them happy when they grow old. The point of the joke dawns on them then. Agent Triple X, our rugby expert, reports that the weight-teams, or team weights, have been greatly strengthened by IHA. Klein, Gundy, Macdonald fToarJ, and Pyper represented IIIA on the I40 lb. team. Bairstow, Benn, Boxer, Deacon, Living- ston, Muller, and Smythies boast about the accomplishments of the I20 lb. team, while Greene and Horsey alone play on the l00 lb. team. Barnes, Dales, and Rice reached the second round in this year's Senior Singles tennis tournament. Last year our Toughy Dales and Jo Greene nearly won the Junior Doubles in a desperate battle. Our Zoological expert has submitted the following questions to test your knowledge: l. What has a zebra that no other animal has? 2, Where is the elephant usually found? 3. What animal lives in a pen, eats garb- age, and can see equally well at both ends? 4. Why is a mouse when it spins? fAllow 3545 for each question. Answers will be found on the next pagej ' Our Green Room agent writes: The Hunt No one who saw that super performance of Henry IV last year had any difficulty finding Hunt. He was that captivating character whom you seemed to see every- where at once. He was under the table, on

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THE TWIG Third App.-O.K- 'Ats all. One crack out of you an' out you go. This class is too big already. fExit shaking Hstj King.-This is beyond human endurance. Now to an honourable end I go. CDraws sword, sets point against chest. gets ready to fall, loses nerve, tries again, trips, falls, dies.j 1 Mess CNot getting drift, but not wanting to be outdonej.-Me too Cfalls on sword, misses, picks up sword, falls again, dies.j CURTAIN THE END Jin ililrmuriam Will Rogers, the kindest, the wittiest, and the funniest philosopher the world has ever known, was killed in an aeroplane accident on August the sixteenth, nineteen hundred and thirty-five. He started his career as a silent cowboy on the New York stage, then accompanied his rodeo act with words, and EBT-HG after that he dropped the cowboy act, and concentrated on humour. Later, through the media of radio and screen, he became famous in all English speaking countries. The fellows of IVB knew Will as if he had been their best friend. 7- ' -ug gm..

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THE TWIG the table, beside the table, then under it again. lt was he, with his brilliant dumb show and speaking parts, who made the audience laugh at the rest of the cast. Of course there was an excellent supporting company, with characters such as Falstaff and Henry IV ffirst part, himself. This year Hunt is acting in a play called Macbeth. Do not fail to see him, Talmadge Pavy Hunt, who made Shakespeare famous. Hunt received an elementary education before coming to U.T.S., five years ago, in 3A. He is a radio enthusiast of great vol- ume, and enjoys pulling switches back-stage. Our poetry critic offers his criticism of current IIIA poetry. The Fall of lVlan fDedicated to Cruickshank, for no especial reason., Oh, he shoots through the air with the greatest of grace, The daring young man who once fell on his face, Though his actions are graceful, no girls can he please Because at one time he fell off the trapezef' The critic considered it an insult to be asked to read this. Political Song-20th Century The object of my afflictions, Can change my convictions From Conservative to Red! -By Benn. We would advise Mr. Benn not to ruin a good song next time he gets a childish fit. Fooled Again! An ode in heroic kilometre. When Bairstow first came to this school He thought that he could play the fool. But also came one, Eric Work, And now the fool is played by Work. -By U. Beet lVle. We are not positive, but we believe that the originator of this meant Anode in archaic ammeterf' ln any case, the feeble attempt to work something out of Work brands this attempt as extremely illiterate. Finale. i'Violets are red, Roses are blue, l'm not a poet -So what! -By lra Homer Pollock, R.S.V.P. The dramatic finish to this is too sudden. ln any case, we would advise lVlr. Homer that his future lies, not in poetry, but in some occupation such as shelling butter-nuts at the creamery. Agent 999 reports the following: lVlr. Croal: Could you bring us some of this rock? Pupil: Well, not now. There's an old guy? there who wonit let you go near the place. Mr. Croal: You tell him who you are, and that you are collecting old fossils for U.T.S., and . . . and the class laughed. ln case he should blow up, we wish to record that Work, known to himself as Ericus Operis, carried on his scientific ex- periments towards the end of finding the elusive elixir of life, while in lllA. After he has found it, he will have no end in life. Already he has experimented with arsenic and root-beer, but finds the result unsatis- factory. He may use this to exterminate punsters, however. The answers to the questions on animal life are: l. Baby zebras. 2. The elephant is such a large animal that it is scarcely ever lost. 3. A blind pig. 4. The higher you go the fewer, fThis is an absolute fact., We cannot mention all the famous figures of IIIA from Armstrong to Work, but we wish to record the existence of the following for use in future years. Note: xcuy, used above several times, is idiomatic in the lingua franca of IIIA for man, strongly shaded with contempt.