University of Toronto Schools - Twig Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE TWIG Third App.-O.K- 'Ats all. One crack out of you an' out you go. This class is too big already. fExit shaking Hstj King.-This is beyond human endurance. Now to an honourable end I go. CDraws sword, sets point against chest. gets ready to fall, loses nerve, tries again, trips, falls, dies.j 1 Mess CNot getting drift, but not wanting to be outdonej.-Me too Cfalls on sword, misses, picks up sword, falls again, dies.j CURTAIN THE END Jin ililrmuriam Will Rogers, the kindest, the wittiest, and the funniest philosopher the world has ever known, was killed in an aeroplane accident on August the sixteenth, nineteen hundred and thirty-five. He started his career as a silent cowboy on the New York stage, then accompanied his rodeo act with words, and EBT-HG after that he dropped the cowboy act, and concentrated on humour. Later, through the media of radio and screen, he became famous in all English speaking countries. The fellows of IVB knew Will as if he had been their best friend. 7- ' -ug gm..

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THE TWIG Mr. Philips: 'iWhat's a Grecian urn? Zuerrer: H550 a week if he works hard. Bramfitt: What do you think of this story? Give me your honest opinion. Mr. Gill: lt's not worth anything. Bramfitt: ul know but tell me anyway. Doyle: HGiVe me a sentence using the word 'bewitches'. Hines: You go ahead, l'll bewityez in a minute. Mr. Gill: Who wrote this essay, 'On a Painted Face'? You Roberts? Our Alan: No sir, l used paper. Kerfoot fat a Garagej : ul want to buy a couple of tires, please. Attendant: Balloon tires, sir? Kerfoot: No! Automobile tires, silly. Mr. Williams: 'il chose exercise 'D' for you to do boys, because its shorter. Football Yells Bell Telephone-Hold that line, please! Panhandlers A.C.-W'e want a touch! Taxiderrnists-Take out those insides! Coalman-Where's the snap? We offer the following play for two fcount 'eml reasons:-fa, For its absolute meritlessness, and tbl Because it will be a welcome change, in that the sentences mean approximately what they say and the whole surpasses all others in utter insigniflcance. We got it from a budding young author who was always accompanied by a uniformed gentleman, who was evidently his body- guard, as he never let him out of his sight. The young man wouldn't tell me his name, and the manuscript was modestly signed with his nom-de-plume, William Shake- speare. HENRY THE IV B Act 1 Scene 1.-Before MacFluff's Castle. Enter King and Messenger. King Qwith gruff good humourj.- What letters have you? Mess.-How, my Leige, hast not heard that the valiant Despard hath excelled in Sports, even the Hundred Yards, the runnyng jumpe, the hygh jumpe and low hurdles, gaining in respect thyrd, fyrst, fyrst and second duly, whereas Ellison hath put ye shotte better than another. Stirling herein came thyrcl best as did Fletcher in the High jump. King.-Pertaining to the day at Held, acquit we quite colossally, magniiicent. Mess.-Yea, not half bad. King.-And then in studies are We prob- ably the highest level yet obtained by man- Thunder.-CEnter short dark complex- ioned apparition with scant hair. King and Mess. cower in cornerj lst App.-Not so fast there my son. Be- ware the Ides of june! CApparition vanishes by walking over to the door and going through it.j King fstill coweringj.-Twert the exams he meaneth, twert it not? Shall I end it all? funcowersj Nay, life is too sweet. Thunder CEnter second App. with red, red mask, talking as if from habit. in its sleep.j 2nd App.-zzz . . . mbur - . . Now what in the world can that line mean. Come on now, for goodness' sake wake up, at least for this one question. CEXits bumping into prosceniunmj King.-Like the writing on the wall of yore, this prophecy no doubt foretells the fall of a great kingdom. fwith con- victionj Now I will commit suicide. Thunder CEnter third App. much older, clothed in black with dilapidated copy of Virgil under arm.j

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THE TWIG ,. .5 . Q X494 ff' LI'e.z...1 im :Wm 5 wi X ,,- .-...- 1 f-' -ff .MY ff ff E, ,- E215 ff 4 wwf - . fftlfglff J 'B51vnfT1 U Form Captain: E.. Klein Prefect: E.. Rice Athletic Representative: R. Gundy Form Reporter: Clarry Herein is presented the official, confiden- tial and impartial report of that assemblage of budding humanity known in official records as IHA, I935-6, and of their illiterate efforts. For further references see under Sport or Police Court News. Note: If you read anything below that has a faint suggestion of humour, remember that it is written after the manner of those Aber- donian parents, who tell their children funny stories when they are young to make them happy when they grow old. The point of the joke dawns on them then. Agent Triple X, our rugby expert, reports that the weight-teams, or team weights, have been greatly strengthened by IHA. Klein, Gundy, Macdonald fToarJ, and Pyper represented IIIA on the I40 lb. team. Bairstow, Benn, Boxer, Deacon, Living- ston, Muller, and Smythies boast about the accomplishments of the I20 lb. team, while Greene and Horsey alone play on the l00 lb. team. Barnes, Dales, and Rice reached the second round in this year's Senior Singles tennis tournament. Last year our Toughy Dales and Jo Greene nearly won the Junior Doubles in a desperate battle. Our Zoological expert has submitted the following questions to test your knowledge: l. What has a zebra that no other animal has? 2, Where is the elephant usually found? 3. What animal lives in a pen, eats garb- age, and can see equally well at both ends? 4. Why is a mouse when it spins? fAllow 3545 for each question. Answers will be found on the next pagej ' Our Green Room agent writes: The Hunt No one who saw that super performance of Henry IV last year had any difficulty finding Hunt. He was that captivating character whom you seemed to see every- where at once. He was under the table, on