University of Toronto Schools - Twig Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE TWIG Mr. Philips: 'iWhat's a Grecian urn? Zuerrer: H550 a week if he works hard. Bramfitt: What do you think of this story? Give me your honest opinion. Mr. Gill: lt's not worth anything. Bramfitt: ul know but tell me anyway. Doyle: HGiVe me a sentence using the word 'bewitches'. Hines: You go ahead, l'll bewityez in a minute. Mr. Gill: Who wrote this essay, 'On a Painted Face'? You Roberts? Our Alan: No sir, l used paper. Kerfoot fat a Garagej : ul want to buy a couple of tires, please. Attendant: Balloon tires, sir? Kerfoot: No! Automobile tires, silly. Mr. Williams: 'il chose exercise 'D' for you to do boys, because its shorter. Football Yells Bell Telephone-Hold that line, please! Panhandlers A.C.-W'e want a touch! Taxiderrnists-Take out those insides! Coalman-Where's the snap? We offer the following play for two fcount 'eml reasons:-fa, For its absolute meritlessness, and tbl Because it will be a welcome change, in that the sentences mean approximately what they say and the whole surpasses all others in utter insigniflcance. We got it from a budding young author who was always accompanied by a uniformed gentleman, who was evidently his body- guard, as he never let him out of his sight. The young man wouldn't tell me his name, and the manuscript was modestly signed with his nom-de-plume, William Shake- speare. HENRY THE IV B Act 1 Scene 1.-Before MacFluff's Castle. Enter King and Messenger. King Qwith gruff good humourj.- What letters have you? Mess.-How, my Leige, hast not heard that the valiant Despard hath excelled in Sports, even the Hundred Yards, the runnyng jumpe, the hygh jumpe and low hurdles, gaining in respect thyrd, fyrst, fyrst and second duly, whereas Ellison hath put ye shotte better than another. Stirling herein came thyrcl best as did Fletcher in the High jump. King.-Pertaining to the day at Held, acquit we quite colossally, magniiicent. Mess.-Yea, not half bad. King.-And then in studies are We prob- ably the highest level yet obtained by man- Thunder.-CEnter short dark complex- ioned apparition with scant hair. King and Mess. cower in cornerj lst App.-Not so fast there my son. Be- ware the Ides of june! CApparition vanishes by walking over to the door and going through it.j King fstill coweringj.-Twert the exams he meaneth, twert it not? Shall I end it all? funcowersj Nay, life is too sweet. Thunder CEnter second App. with red, red mask, talking as if from habit. in its sleep.j 2nd App.-zzz . . . mbur - . . Now what in the world can that line mean. Come on now, for goodness' sake wake up, at least for this one question. CEXits bumping into prosceniunmj King.-Like the writing on the wall of yore, this prophecy no doubt foretells the fall of a great kingdom. fwith con- victionj Now I will commit suicide. Thunder CEnter third App. much older, clothed in black with dilapidated copy of Virgil under arm.j

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THE TWIG 00' X 1 adv in TI-IIEI-' ba fra 0 Form Captain: Roland Brett Prefect: Alan Roberts Athletic Representative: Roland Ellison Form Reporter ln compiling our contribution to the Twig, we propose to begin with the most painful part of our task, the jokes. We do not contend that they are funny, and we hope that you have heard them all before. We have put them in for sentimental rea- sons, for after all, what's Form News with- out these alleged jokes? And anyway, what if they are old? Jokes are like lim- burger and red wine, the older the better. However we're leaving out the ancient wheeze which begins, i'Who was that lady .... U POETICAL GEMS Gray less gravely. The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, A line of cars winds slowly o'er the lea, A pedestrian plods his absent-minded way, And leaves the world quite unexpectedly. Often after school you'd like To know what's happened to your bike, You wade through frames, bolts, iron and dust Humphrey Milnes And feel around knee deep in rust. Here is a wheel, and there's a frame, Of course there's nobody to blame, That's a bunch of old bent wire On top of this torn rubber tire. A bit of greasy twisted steel What's under there behind that wheel? Oh, there it is, and for a fact, My bicycle is quite intact. I eat my peas with honey, l've done it all rrry life, It makes the peas taste funny But it keeps them on the knife. Vic Mason, a true scientist bold, Forgot his formulas l fear, He heated a few chemicals And left at once for strathosphere. Governor of St. Helena: Can you me where you come from? Napoleon: Of course I can. 74 te

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THE TWIG Third App.-O.K- 'Ats all. One crack out of you an' out you go. This class is too big already. fExit shaking Hstj King.-This is beyond human endurance. Now to an honourable end I go. CDraws sword, sets point against chest. gets ready to fall, loses nerve, tries again, trips, falls, dies.j 1 Mess CNot getting drift, but not wanting to be outdonej.-Me too Cfalls on sword, misses, picks up sword, falls again, dies.j CURTAIN THE END Jin ililrmuriam Will Rogers, the kindest, the wittiest, and the funniest philosopher the world has ever known, was killed in an aeroplane accident on August the sixteenth, nineteen hundred and thirty-five. He started his career as a silent cowboy on the New York stage, then accompanied his rodeo act with words, and EBT-HG after that he dropped the cowboy act, and concentrated on humour. Later, through the media of radio and screen, he became famous in all English speaking countries. The fellows of IVB knew Will as if he had been their best friend. 7- ' -ug gm..