University of Toronto Schools - Twig Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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T H E T W I G Thomp. l cw ether, A Buick sedan. Brown--Yes, there's no doubt of it. I re- Sull. f g '- A Chev. coupe. member once-fHere the radio an- Brown fpuzzledb.-Pardon? Thomp.-Sullivan's quite right for once. it is a Chev. I had it confused with my last car. Sull. Qirrelevantlyj.-Gosh, Chief, you ought to read this magazine! Here's a swell story. I'm only at page twenty and there've been three murders and six robberies already! Thomp.-Sullivan, you disgust me. Brown.-Oh, I think you take it too seri- ously, sir! They're line for giving law-abiding people like us some excite- ment. Thomp.-I am not a believer in such vicarious experience. Oh, I wish that train would come! Brown.-Of course, sir, as a railway man it's hardly my place to suggest this. but if you are in such a hurry why don't you take a bus or a taxi? Thomp.-But there's no-I mean, is there a bus service here? Surely not at this time of night- Brown.-That is stupid of me sir. You're right of course. This night job seems to make me very dense sometimes. But there's still the taxi, sir. Thomp.-Well, as for that, Brown, I've no desire to ride a hundred miles in a leaky, uncomfortable old wreck such as they usually call a taxi in places like this. Brown.-I guess there's something in that too, sir. QHe goes to small radio in corner and turns it on.j Can't get anything but a lot of noisy jazz at this time, I suppose, but it may cut out the sound of that rain. It's making me sleepy. fDance music is heardj Great invention, radio. It's almost as good as detective stories for bringing excitement to small places like this, sir! fThis remark addressed to Sul- livan.j Sull. fwithout looking upj.-Yeah. nouncer breaks in.j Announ.-Ladies and gentlemen, the Toronto Police Force asks all who hear this announcement, particularly those living in Western Ontario to be on the watch for two men who, several hours ago, made a substantial haul of jewelry and silverware from the home of one of our prominent citizens. They made a successful escape from the city, and are thought to be heading for the U.S. border. One of the men is said to be rather short, wearing a brown overcoat and gray fedora hat. The other is of medium height, wear- ing a gray overcoat and bowler hat. No further description is available. Thank you. QDance music fades in again. For reasons which should be obvious, the two travellers seem to be slightly ill at easej Brown.-Well, well, it's astonishing what some of these crooks get away with nowadays, isn't it? Thomp.-Oh, I suppose there have always been and always will be people like that. fHeartiIy, and in a more friendly tone than beforej I hope, Mr. Brown, that this is not a very typical example of the excellent climate which I have heard exists in this part of Canada? Brown.-No, no, of course it isn't. You should see something much better in a couple of days- Sull. Capparently just becoming con- scious.j-Oh, but that's no good. We won't be here in a couple of days. We- Thomp.-Shut up! fto Brownj Pardon the digression, but my friend sometimes becomes a little bit confused when he attempts to speak too much. What he undoubtedly meant to explain was this, after the transaction of our busi- ness in Montreal to-morrow, we are proceeding directly to New York. Therefore, our visit to your beautiful

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THE TIVIG A Play In One Act Cast Brown-a stationmaster. Thompson Q Sullivan j Two members of the crew of a freight train A police sergeant. Two police constables. V travellers. QThe curtain rises on the interior of a small village railway station in Western Ontario. The time is about 2 a.m- The door to the platform is in the back wall left. On the side wall left is the ticket window and a door into the office. In centre stage right are two waiting-room benches placed fac- ing each other and running at right angles to the audience. There is a radio on a stand in corner. Downstage right Brown, the stationmaster, is seated in his private chair, which he considers more in keeping with the dignity of his odficial position than the common benches, reading a newspaper. Thompson is standing at the open door to the platform looking irritably at his watch from time to time. He is rather good-look- ing, and is dressed in a gray overcoat and bowler hat. Sullivan, who can only be described as low-browish and rather dumb in appearance, is sitting on one of the benches reading a detective magazine. He is wearinga somewhat shabby brown over- coat and gray fedora. At his feet are two large suitcases. j Thomp.-Stationmaster, how late is this train? We've been waiting half an hour now! Brown.-Two hours. Thomp.-Two hours! And what in the world are We supposed to do while we're waiting? Brown CHe always speaks slowly and laz- ilyj.-Well, your friend seems to be solving the entertainment problem easily enough. Thomp--Huh! He lives on that rubbish. Always has two or three in his pocket. Personally I can't read these cheap magazines. Even though I am Amer- ican, I have some respect for English. Sull.-Aw, quit grousin'! No sense gettin' steamed up just because you've got to wait a couple of hours. Thomp.-By the way, since we are going to be together for some time, we might as well introduce ourselves. My-er- friend's name is Sullivan. Mine is Thompson. Brown.-Glad to know you, Mr. Thomp- son, Mr. Sullivan- Brown is my name. I'm inclined to side with you, Mr. Sullivan. About those detective maga- zines, I mean. I find them very enter- taining, particularly in a dull town like this where nothing much happens. Along with the papers they help to pass the time. Thomp.-Raining again. Dash it, what's keeping that train? Brown Qcomfortablyj.-Well, the company can't guarantee its trains to be on time, you know, especially in soupy weather like this. American, you say you are, sir? I didn't know we had any visitors in town. Sull.-Heck, we aren't visitors. We- Thomp. fquicklyj.-No, the fact is we were driving through from Chicago, and our car broke down just as we were leaving this village. The local garage man tells us that it will take a day or more to repair the damage, and we must be in Montreal to-morrow night. Brown.-Well, that's too bad. You were almost out of the town eh? Then you must have come past the station here. The road passes right outside. What kind of car is it?

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THE TWIC country will most regretfully be cut short. Brown.-That's too bad. Excuse me gentlemen, but I must go out and attend to some signals. fThrows on his raincoat, picks up a lantern and goes outg from where we are we can see that he does not go very far, but remains just outside the door, out of the line of vision of the other two.j Thomp.-Now, you fool, you keep your big mouth shut and let me do all the spiei- ing, or you'll queer this job yet. You may be a first-class safe-blower, but you drive the English language like a ten-ton truck, and in the wrong direc- tion too. fHere Brown disappears for a moment or two, then comes back againj Sull.-Well gosh Chief, suppose you turn on your Rolls-Royce technique and tell me what this crazy stunt's about. Seems like the dumbest trick anybody could pull, goin' right back into the middle of all the fuss like this- I tell you, I'm only stickin' with you on account of you're generally there with the little gray cells like this bird Parrott QPoirotj in the detective stories. Thomp.-You idiot, you'd be a better hand at this game if you'd act like some of the guys in those stories you like so much. Can't you see that the safest place we can be is right back in Toronto? The dicks there think we've cleared out so nobody will dream of suspecting us. Besides we'll have been seen by dozens of people leaving the station and going over to the hotel like a couple of ordinary business men. In fact I've got it arranged so somebody will see us in case the public is as un-W observant as usual. QHere Brown be- gins to make sounds indicative of a re-entrv in the near futurej Sull.-Well, I dunno: it still seems to me- Thomp.-Shut up !-Yes, there is no doubt that methods of railway operation em- ployed on this continent are vastly different from those in force in Eng- land and Europe. Qenter Brownj Ah, Mr. Brown, we have just been dis- cussing some of the-er-shall we say technique of your calling. I've no doubt that it is, in some ways, a most arduous one. Qslight pausej That's strange Mr. Brown. Has the rain stopped? Brown.-No. Why? Thomp- Cslowlyj.-Your raincoat, Mr. Brown, is perfectly dry. Yet you were outside for several minutes. Rather strange, isn't it? Brown. Cnervouslyj.-Oh, the platform is covered, you know. It's quite dry out there. Thomp.-Then why did you put on your raincoat? fHis hand is in his coat pocket, and there is a suspicious bulge there.j Mr. Brown, you are obviously a man of high intelligence, but of little tact, and I would suggest, in the language of that community in which I have recently claimed citizenship, that you stick 'em up and do it fast! fAt the end of this sentence his voice has lost some of its cultured quality, and has an intonation which suggests that Mr. Brown would be well-advised to comply with his request, Mr. Brown does so.j Thomp. Cto Sullivanj.-Frisk him. CSuI- livan does so, Ending nothing danger- ous.j You may sit down, Brown, and lower your hands, but you will place them on your knees and keep them there. Sullivan, you will go out, find a good strong rope somewhere and come back as quickly as possible- But don't come back without one. Cexit Sullivanj. Now, Mr. Brown, since some little time must necessarily elapse before we shall be able to take our leave of you, per- haps vou will be good enough to tell me what we have done to arouse your suspicions. Something must have 59