University of Texas Dental Branch - Fang Yearbook (San Antonio, TX)

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REMEDI TORME I think that I shall never see my name behind a D.lVl.D.:ft One chance is all they've given me, To prove that here's where I should be. I've worked my butt off for three years And stayed 'bove average with my peers, But then an onlay margin caught, And now it may be all for naught. Zinck said the summer I could wait, And then I could remediate, Two weeks l'll have of summer session, But, what if my patient's on vacation? Then to the Junior floor l'm sent, Another year of my life spent Cottone and Hoskins on my back, lVly attitude will surely crack. They say that I'lI be treated fair, CBut first I'd better cut my hairlj lVly wife, she doesn't understand, She thought we'd made the Promised Land. She can't believe they'll kick me out On that point she is most devout - But more, she says that if they do, Our marriage meets its Waterloo. I haven't told my parents yet, Lest in their wills they might forget Their son, who tried so hard to be, A great success in dentistry. An extra year they sure won't pay, I'd better go and see Charles J. Oh, Lord, I have been such a fool To think Dentistry and Dental School, Could be the end and the means. Cl think it's just a hill of beanslj If in San Antone you wish to stay, Then politics you have to play, So I've just made a call to one Of my good friends down in Houston. :FA D.D.S. is what we get But see ain't gonna rhyme with it. So if you think it to be queer Stick this poem in youri. Editor Anon

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CARTI-I G CLC E NSTIT TE We at Carthage are seeking volunteers for our cloning experiments. We feel that the answer to the problems that dental schools across the nation are experiencing can be completely eradicated by our cloning process No more problems with students who've got the hands, but nothing between the ears , or with the more common 10-thumbed Bookworms . These problem students are usually remediated endlessly in the dental curriculum until finally being cast by the wayside. By cloning the perfect dental student , these problems can be eliminated. Think of it. All your school's admissions committee will have to do is to place an order for the freshman class quota on one of our handy Clone Order Forms, or simply call us up on our Call-a-Clone line. CREMEIVIBER: 20M off for orders over 150, so let's get those admissions uplj No more waiting lists. No more phone calls from anxious students or angry parents. You'll have more time to do important things with your afternoons off. We realize some of you from the more staunch and stoic schools may be a bit skeptical at first but we assure you it is not only possible, it's a reality here at Carthage It s being done now with dental school interviewees. After years of research, we have perfected the dental school applicant to a T 3 piece suit close-cropped expensive hairstyle, Gucci shoes and with a spectacular array of questions guaranteed to impart to even the casual listener a voracious interest in pursuing dentistry as a career lt can be done! CSee accompanying photography We are now in the process of cloning the perfect dental student but we need volunteers Our scientists are hard at work mixing and matching DNA in our remarkable Gene Machine We want just the right mixture of intellect, arrogance, dexterity, feigned humility and with a bit of brown tinge on the nose We feel that in the near future we can offer the answer to your problems No more hassles with remedial programs, gripe sessions, etc. And with our re cycle campaign you can sell used models back to us for V2 of the original purchase price. lnvent your own attrition rate' We also expect to offer several of the more popular minorities in our dental clone line so you can keep those Federal funds coming in CSorry - no returns on minority clones.D Imagine it! Within the decade we hope to perfect the Dentist clone Our law staff is hard at work attempting to gain the rights to G. V. Black's remains for the purpose of extracting some dormant DNA in hopes of reviving the greatest dentist that ever lived' Cloning is the science of the future and we at Carthage are working now for a better tomorrowtomorrowtommorow Carthage Clone Institute Box 19007082576 Carthage, California Call-a-Clone: C3015 524 CLONE

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i1 i . l In SCHOOL OE LLIED HEALTH SCIENCES Sorry, we missed Dr. Armand C-uarino, Acting Dean of the School of Allied Health Sciences Dr. John Preece, Acting Director of Dental Auxiliary Training: Professor - Dept. Coordinator of Dental Hygiene Diagnosis and Roentgenology Education The School of Allied Health Sciences includes three auxiliary units of the total dental conglomerate. Hygienists, although not employed by every practicing dentist, are also a major asset to some ot the more progressive and productive practices. Dental assistants also are not always utilized to their maximum potential, but tor the dentist willing to hire a certified assistant, the returns are much greater than any amount invested Cwell, there are exceptions to everythinglj. Dental Lab technicians, unlike the hygienists and assists, are utilized by ninety-nine and 44!100ths ot private dentists. In their case also, the price paid is outweighed by the service rendered. lt should be clear by now that these three specialty groups contribute significantly to the overall dental picture. So one can imagine the multitude of the task faced by faculty ofthe School of Allied Health. Yet they continue to turn out quality personnel, highly skilled in their respective fields, determined to contribute to the future of modern dentistry. Mrs. Jane Carr, Acting