University School of Milwaukee - Trident Yearbook (Milwaukee, WI)

Page 29 text:

THE ACADEMY Twenty-three citement he goez to a bull fite, and watches a guy chase a bull until the bull chases the guy. This getz the Spanyard so excited that in order to kool down he eetz a dozen hot tomaleyz and if that don ' t kool him enuq he eetz a bucket full of chilly kun Karney. Spanyards wave red a grate deel show- ing they ain ' t afraid of no bulls, but you kan ' t judge a man by the kloze he wavez. After you study Spannish three hours a day for 3 years it generally kumz eezy for you, prooving that you oughten to get impayshunt if you don ' t lern it in 50 years. Payschunce winz everything be- cawz you kan make a Ford run if you wait for a cyclone. (I thank you for your attenshun.) A Sea Shore Skit. by William Bunk Verse the First Characters Neptune. Will Whifflepool {A Trickster). Little Lord Corduroy. Micheal Angelo {A Beach Comber). Will Mussup {A Plumber). Garibaldi. His Brother Gariindiana. Station Agent. A Drummer. Saragossa {A Servant of Neptune). Others. Neptune ' s Daughters {Daughters of Neptune). Lors Lori (Clandestinely related to Laurelei) . A Downer Girl. Clams, Fish, Stage properties and scenery. {Scene is laid in Paradise Gap. A hen is heard cackling nearby). {Editor ' s note: Real water should not be used. If possible, allozv the actors to mingle zvith the audience, so that enough will be mist to give a watery appearance to tHe eyes of the onlookers.) {Curtain rises reluctantly revealing Will Whifflepool looking thru an empty coca-cola bottle, searching for happi- ness.) W. Whifflepool: (Clairvoyantly) Here is the place, here shall I find it. Micheal Angelo: (Coming in and go- ing out) What makes the ocean roar? (3:10 bell rings at Doinier, and the Dozvner girl shinnies dozen the rain pipe raucously humming School Days. ) (Exit ' ] nil Whifflepool.) (Action begins) (Neptune appears abruptly) Neptune : Damn that servant ! I in- structed him to come to me, when he heard the bell-buoy ringing, and say, My Lord, what will ' st thou? Instead, he comes and says, My God! ' hadya want now? (Enter Will Mussup zvcaring his trou- sers zvrong side out.) Neptune: (Nastily) Dunce, your trou- sers are turned. Mr. Mussup: (Saluting zvith both

Page 28 text:

Tivent -tzvo THE ACADEMY In an Indian Chiefs Wigwam. As the sun rose over the mountain top its beams lighted the tall upright figures of three riders, mounted on wiry mus- tangs. As they drew nearer, their horses carefully picking their way among the rocks of the steep defile, they proved to be warriors of the Chotoc tribe. They rode in single file, proudly, without fal- tering they came straight towards an enemy ' s village, that of the Cherokees, which was spread out on the plain be- low. Evidently they were expected. It was an important day for both tribes. The liberty of both tribes was at stake. By sundown one tribe would be subject to the other. The decision would not be made by force of arms, but by a game of chance. Soon the three warriors reached the village, the leader, proving himself by his age and dignity to be the chief, the others merely escorts. Gravely they were received and led to the main tent. Within the tent the Cherokee chief re- ceived them ; about him were the medi- cine men and the older men of the tribe. Guests and hosts seated themselves In dian fashion on the soft fur robes with which the floor was covered. The walls were of buffalo robes of fine quality. From the ridge pole hung many grue- some scalps, trophies of war. Four moc- casins lay side by side in a sort of semi- circle in the middle of the tent. There was an air of tenseness. One of the older men detached himself from the group and gravely sat down within the semicircle. The two chiefs grunted assent, and sat down outside the semi- circle. The old brave began rapidly to shift a bullet, under and over, up and down, between and alongside of the moc- casins, then suddenly stopped. The two chiefs watched him with keen eyes. The stranger chief chose the first moccasin; the host, the third. To the stranger was awarded the first count. Again the war- rior repeated his motions. Again the chiefs chose, this time the host chose rightly. Greater grew the tension. The next choice would decide the fate of one tribe or the other. Again the perfor- mance was repeated amid a profound silence and the choice made. With an expressionless face, the stranger chief arose, his companions with him, silently left the tent, mounted the waiting mus- tangs, and rode off toward the distant range. He had lost, his tribe had lost its liberty, but to no one of his enemies was given the satisfaction of seeing his grief. — John Hume. Essay on Spanish. (By a Cuckoo Spanish is a subject wot teeches you how to pernounce Villa ' s name right. When a Spanyard tawks his mouth wig- gles like a octobus with the hiccups. In Spannish you say Si, si, Senor, and it don ' t meen eny perticukular guy. But in Inglish if you say Yes, yes. Senior you meen a guy wot ain ' t a Freshman, Soph- omore, or Junior, or in other wordz, a guy who insted of seying chewing the rag like eny ordinary guy wood, he says masticaeting the fabric. Freshman) When a Spanyard wants to marry a gurl he goez under her windo every nite and pickz on a string instrument and sings. In Spannish they kail this a sere- nade, but in Amerikun if a guy acts like that they kail for an ambulance. Sir Oliver Lodge otter lern to speek Spannish becawz then he cud speek with Villa as Villa ' s been ded so many times he cud give him a grate deel of informa- shun. When the Spanyard wants some ex-

Page 30 text:

Twenty-four THE ACADEMY hands) Aye, {pronounced ol) Sir. To relieve them of all baginess at the knees ; for the Amalgamated Promenade for Altruistic Terpischorean Plumbers. {Both turn their gaze upon Micheal Angelo, who can be seen in the distance, walking backrvards in the sand, in order to keep anyone from following him and getting there first. He, also, has a quest in life.) W. W. : Poor Mike! He has apart- ment hunter ' s disease. Neptune: What ' s that? W. W. Flat feet. {Pause to let audience laugh this off and for Will to retire remorsefully.) {First Verse cannot go on.) Worse yet begins. {I.ors Lori and Lord Corduroy occu- py the center of the stage. Around the camp-fire are draped Neptune ' s daugh- ters, {Daughters of Neptune) ivist fully hearkening to the pop-popping of the wienies. It ' s a pretty love scene. At a scream from the Neptune sisters the Drummer, clothed in a huge zvindow sash, stealthily enters without even ring- ing the door-bell). Drummer : Hush, and I will drum you a drummet so drummy as to seem a dromedary ! Neptune Sisters: {Not finding a kick in this) Oh, kind Sir, won ' t you dance for us? {The Drummer dances but the win- dow sash slips to the ground). Act HI {Still Verse). {The scene returns to IV. U ' hifflepoot vid his search. He has found something — a huge flat stone. Will he find happi- ness beneath it ' His chest rises and falls like the chests of movie men, or like a tire. By main strength he pries the stone azvay and tosses it into the sea. He looks — he breathes. Instead of happiness he has unearthed a mass of millions of dead, decaying, clams and fish.) {Curtain falls zvith a crash, leaving the audience smell-bound.)