University of Nebraska Kearney - Blue and Gold Yearbook (Kearney, NE)

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D ropping out of college. This is one thought that I am al- most certain has crossed all of our minds at one time or another. But why? Why did you feel that it might be necessary to drop out of col- lege, You might say that you needed to regain your sanity or cope with your high blood pressure or better yet, you just needed to relieve yourself of ail this stressWl Do these reasons sound all too famil- iar? Why, when most of us are so young, energetic and ambitious (we are going to college, aren’t we?) do we get ourselves into these situations? These are deep and complex ques- tions. I certainly don’t have all the an- swers but I can offer one theory: we have all felt like dropping out of college as a result of, whether directly or indirectly, our own self-concept. This may sound absurd or even ri- diculous, but it’s true. “Human behavior is always a product of how people see themselves and the situations they are involved in,” This quotation is more complex than the few words it was writ- ten in. It was taken from a textbook called “Helping Relationships” by Ar- thur W. Coombs, Donald L. Avila and William W. Purkey. By reading different concepts and philosophies from this text, I was able to understand that quotation in a new light. In order to help you understand the full meaning of the quotation along with the complexity of self-concept, we need to first look at the definition of “self-con- cept” as listed in “Helping Relation- ships”. “The self-concept includes all those aspects to which we refer when we say T or ‘me’. It is the organization of percep- tions about seif that seems to the indi- vidual to be who he or she is.” One idea we must remember about our self-concept, however, is that some- how it is developed by how we think others see us. “I think it’s so wrapped up in our relationships with other people,” said Kent Estes, chairman and assistant professor, department of counseling and educational psychology at KSC. Estes goes on to say that self-con- cept is determined by how you are treat- ed by those important to you. One phrase that Estes mentioned explains how de- pendent our self-concept is in relation to those who are important to us in our lives. “I’m not who you think I am. I’m not who I think I am. I am who I think you think I am,” he said, If our self-concept is so dependent upon what others think of us, where do we draw the line? Do we care what every- one thinks of us? For most of us, the answer is no. Most of us just care about what certain people think of us. Who are these certain few? Are they the people who are a part of our closest relationships? Maybe, but not always. The people we want to impress or please are those who are the most important to us. What these “important” people think of us is what can either make us or break us. How do we decide who is and who isn’t important to us then? That is one question I have yet to find a complete an- swer to. The explanation “Helping Rela- tionships” gives involving human rela- tionships is that “persons are primarily social animals, and they derive their most crucial self-concepts from experi- ences with other people.” The text goes on to say, “From these interactions people learn that they are liked or unliked; acceptable or unaccept- able; successes or failures; respectable or of no account. We learn very little from ffrWlhe first person you must - ■ sell an idea to is yourself. ” — Estes unimportant people even if they are teachers, parents, social workers, coun- selors, priests, or rabbis. Only the person the individual considers significant has much effect on the self-concept.” It is not only the words, advice, or criticism of the important people in an individual’s life that make the total pic- ture. Other factors also have significant effects. Body language and nonverbal communication play important roles in developing an individual's self-concept. To say you are concerned is a lot dif- ferent than showing concern just as say- ing you love someone is a lot different than proving you love someone. This same idea holds true when molding an individual’s self-concept. They have to feel what those important individuals are saying before the words hold any meaning. Words aren't enough, feelings Kent Estes: Chairman and Assistant Professor of Counseling and Educational Psychology must also be involved in communication. According to “Helping Relation- ships,” “The effect of words does not lie in what is said, but how it is interpreted by the hearer.” This is an important factor to re- member when analyzing how individuals develop the self-concept they have of themselves in relation to how those im- portant to the individuals actually com- municated to them. “Helping Relationships” also asso- ciated this same idea with parents and their children. “A parent who scolds a child for not doing well in school may do so with the best of intentions, hoping to motivate the child to greater effort. To the child the meaning of this event may only be that he is stupid, unacceptable, or not much good.” It is not just one of these events, however, that determines an individual’s self-concept. Self-concept is developed through a series of these events. They must happen over and over again in or- der to have a lasting impact upon how the individual views him or herself. Dr Fritz Redl, a co-author of “Children Who Hate” spoke on the slow development of an individual's feelings about self during a lecture he gave re- cently on juvenile delinquency. “It takes 14 years to make a good delinquent; be- fore that you can't be sure you have one. To make a good delinquent everything has to go wrong, not once, but over and 17

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over again. The home has to go wrong, the church has to go wrong, the commu- nity has to go wrong, his friends have to let him down, not once, but over and over again. They have to make a habit of it! Then, after 14 years of that you may have a good delinquent.” Unlike the concepts introduced by Sigmund Freud which suggest that self- concept is primarily a product of the dra- matic events that have happened to an individual while growing up, “Helping Relationships” suggests a different theory. “We now understand that the most important changes in the self-con- cept probably occur only as a conse- quence of many experiences repeated over long periods of time. The little day- -to-day events repeatedly chipping away at an individual’s feelings produce the most pervasive effects on the self. A child To make a good delinquent - ■ everything has to go wrongf not once, but over and over again, ” -Redl learns that he is acceptable or unaccept- able - not so much from dramatic events as from thousands of little everyday nuances of attitude and feelings picked up from those about him.” How one sees him or herself is what determines attitudes and behaviors. This is why self-concept is so very impor- tant. Marvin S. Spracklen, professor of counseling and educational psychology, talked of the importance of self-concept in relation to applying for a job. When applying for a job, the main objective, of course, is to present yourself as an “okay” person. The problem with this objective, said Spracklen, “is the first person you must sell that idea to is your- self.” Finding a job after college is a big concern for a majority of students and yet there are other students who don’t seem to worry about this at all. Is this yet another problem that can be associated with self-concept? Spracklen presents a similiar idea, “Maybe there is a relation- ship between self-esteem and how you perceive your personal power.” If we don’t have a lot of self-esteem, does that mean we’re doomed? No, of course not. Self-concept is something we all learn through the process of growing, so who is to say that we stopped growing and that the self-concept that we have of ourselves now is going to always stay the same? No one can tell you this; you must decide this for yourself. Changing important ideas and per- ceptions about yourself and your life does take time and is rarely accom- plished quickly. The most important thing to remember is that it can be done. “Helping Relationships” suggests learning to see old experiences in a new and different light. Try using “insight” to help you learn from the past rather than dwelling on it. “Life is not revers- ible; every experience a person has is for- ever. One cannot unexperience what has happened! Every experience of signifi- cant interaction has its impact upon those who were involved in it.” The text states, “Change, to be sure, is more rapid in the less important as- pects of self; but learning goes on contin- uously and even the central aspects of the self-concept may change as a conse- quence of experience over the years.” See, there is hope after all! You can be anything you want to be; you only need to believe in yourself. KfmKuMen Marvin Spracklen: protestor of Counseling and Educational Psychology Department, CASTING BLAME “In the February 1987 issue of Psychology Today, Robert Trotter profiled psychologist Martin E. P, Seligman. Seligman believes the way we explain bad events in our lives can affect future behavior and can have serious implications for mental and physical health. Sometimes, people suffering from depression feel a helpless- ness. Often this feeling is due to ex- posure to uncontrollable bad events, but not always, according to Seligman. Occurrence of bad events doesn't always lead to helplessness and depression because people don’t simply accept these events critically. The answer, or explanta- tion, for these events affects the person's expectation of the future and determines the extentent to which they will be helpless or de- pressed, he said. Researchers have found that the way children explain their per- formance strongly influences whether they give up following a failure or persist to succeed. Seligman said some people fight against stressors while others gee stressors as uncontrollable and react with helplessness and passivi- ty, Those with a more pessimistic view are more likely to have poor health and suffer from depression than those with a more optimistic outlook. There is a cure for what the doctor calls explanatory style, “If you can learn it, you can unlearn it 1 Seligman said. By changing the outlook and Ihe way in which one explains a bad event, through realization of how one perceives bad events, an indi- vidual will be able to alter his or her perspective to an optimistic one. When bad things happen, Seligman said people should look for other causes of the events rather then blaming themselves. This will re- sult in a better mental and physical health of the individual. is