University of Nebraska Lincoln - Cornhusker Yearbook (Lincoln, NE)

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Recurrence of jfacultxg 3okes. 5 During the year '99-'00 there will be twelve periodical jokes, thirty-six puns, and a varied number of gags, coming with more or less irregularity. Observations disclose that, of the above number, eight jokes and twenty-four puns come at regular peri- ods of twelve months each, while the remainder, governed by unknown laws, come and go as comets, bursting suddenly in all their brilliancy and then fading away never to appear again, or, having run their course, return, to the infinite delight of the student. The following are a few of the first magnitude, periodi- cal in their nature, and will be audible on their respective dates: The Chancellor's chapel joke, The left side of the house,', etc., will pass the meridian September 20, 1900, at 10:00 o'clock, 23 minutes, and 16 seconds. Prof. Barber's jokes--No. 1- Forte dux fel Hat in guttur, audible on November oth, at 9 o'clock, 42 minutes, and 2I sec- onds. No. 2-t'Quid rides, audible November 12th, 9 o'clock, and 22 minutes. No. 3- Pugno, pugnas, pugnatf' not audible this year, as the date of its annual appearance falls on Sunday. Prof. Taylor's jokes-No 1- Our old friend, Champaign, has a period of S7 days, IO minutes, and will appear on the fol- lowing dates: October 16th, December 12th, February 9th, and April 7th, does not occur during vacation. No. 2- Tweedle dee and tweedle dum, audible on October Ist, will appear with accelerated motion until January gd, will retrograde then till Feb- ruary 2d. No.3- Consumption in jackets, will be in conjunc- tion October 5th, November 11th, and December 15th. Jokes of the second magnitude, are less regular, but careful observations place a few on the following dates: Prof. Fling's graphic illustration of the Warrior women of the Republic, .audible April Istg Prof. Lees' witticism, Shuffle off, will occur December 14th and March 12th. A Prof. Fossler's exhortation to dull students, GMM sir' 'Zt!.fZZ.l'67', biffcf blffef Come, come, my man, time is precious! die ne:rz'e.f audible daily at Io o'clock, 20 minutes, IO o'cloclc 25 minutes, IO o'cloclc, 30 minutes. Besides the above, there are countless puns and stories sim- ilar to meteors in action, whose orbits cannot be determined, but whose appearance bears close relation to the time of issue of Ayer's Almanac. xil X

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EBRASKA. ' N UNIVERSITY OF

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where 115 Tbeaven? il They went together to the dance, The Journalist and the maid. The maiden's name begins with V- -Ill 'twould be if I said The whole-for then the world would know- And,--they,-they would be mad. But when the fiddle and the bow Were laid away, the lad Began to look his program o'er, And found that, with this one, Nine times he'd been upon the Hoor- Nine rounds of bliss had won. But she'd been looking on the while, Oh, heavens on earth! she cried. And on his face there dawned a smile, For he knew she hadn't lied. ii' F? . Che 99th Ctavalrp. il We have been led to believe that the pony constituted an essential feature of college life, but times have changed and we are outgrowing such things, just as our ancestors outgrew ghosts and other seemingly indispensable accessories. Some have cast off the pony for ethical reasons, for instance, Mumau, who claims that he is too religious, but We must confess that influences of a far more material nature have been at work upon some of our classmates. Miss Dahl canlt ride, and Bessey claims that he has home sense already, Miss Randall answers with decision, No, he died, and Hastie prefers a mule, Bartlett says, Of course, papa is afraid Iwill get bow-legged if Iwalkf' W. R. Boose, 0nly during vacations, to bring in the cow. Hills, No, my motto is, 'Egan ne c1'ea'z'te,' flineid, II.-48. McCreery, with com- mendable generosity, speaks for a bicycle built for two, and Miss Gardner is too bright to need oneg Hulett says it is too- much trouble to take care of it. The last one possessed by Thomson died of overwork, and Mansfelde has a front seat. X222