University of Nebraska College of Agriculture - Shucks Yearbook (Lincoln, NE)

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David, said the Sunday School teacher, do you know what to eat, and what to drink, and what to avoid? ' Sure I know, answered David W. 'A Eat all you can,'drink all you can, and avoid bursting. THE QUICK-WITTED WAITER ' A downtown restaurant has made its reputation upon one waiter who was never yet found wanting to translate an order into a language of his own, and he and the cook understand each other perfectly. One order of pea soup, one customer will say. A plash of split peas, cries the waiter. Couple of doughnuts and a cup of coffee, without cream, another will order. Two submarines and a mug of murk-no cow! orders the waiter. An order of ham and eggs, says the customer. Roast two on a slice of squeal! the waiter shouts. Beef stew and a cup of tea for me, says a new arrival. ' Bossy in a bowl-boiled leaves on the side! sings the waiter. A dozen raw oysters, orders a busy business man. Twelve alive in the shell! shouts the waiter. Where's my eggs on toast? complains a man who has been waiting. ' Rush the biddies on a raft! cries the waiter. I want a rump steak rare, orders another man. Slab of moo-let him chew it! the waiter calls. I want a bowl of tomato soup, ordered one man, 157 a plate of beans, bread and butter, a piece of apple pie, and a glass of water. The waiter seemed puzzled for an instant: then he shouted into the tube as follows: One splash of red noise, platter of Saturday nights, dough well done with cow to cover, Eve with a lid on, and a chaser of Adam's ale! Everett, said his mother sternly, you should not fight with that Nicholson boy. I know it, ma, said Everett penitently. That's right, and when did you find it out? About a minute after I hit him. 'Neta- Did you ever read 'Looking Backward? ' Dorothea- Yes, once. In a test and I nearly got canned for it. We can't all smoke ten-cent cigars Or drive a limousine, But we can all collect the bands, And smell the gasoline. 1-' . A few days ago a prominent young man took his best girl a bouquet of fiowers. The young woman' was so pleased that she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. He rose and started to go. I'm sorry I offended you, Dick, she said. Oh, I'm not offended, Happy, he replied, I was just going back after more flowers.

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