University of Missouri at Kansas City School of Dentistry - Bushwacker Yearbook (Kansas City, MO)

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'THE PATlENT'S ODE TO DENTlSTRY ' Dear Doctor, We, the patients, do feel some disdain For those professional pushcrs of novacaine. We show almost no respect For those who do nothing but detect Those little soft spaces In the most inconvenient places. We, Mr., Mrs., Miss, and Ms., never thrill While you drill at will to fill the nil. Need you ask, Why no glory? When most things you do are so bloody gory? And why, really, should you expect to rate When all we ever here is, Now, expectoratef' We come in fear We leave in pain And still a friendship you try to claim. But Doctor, the only time we become resentive ls when your dentistry becomes more than preventive! We don't know what to do when pearlies protrude Or even what to do if they malocclude. We'll never know how to till a cavity space Or even how to band a brace. We find no other knowledge as banal As the dentist's knowledge of a root canal. There is no other banter quite as trite As the conversation abour canines left and right. We find our mouths wet and boring, forsooth What can anyone find interesting about a tooth? Doctor, even for your professional fee Dentists we would never be! Because, there must be that certain chemistry For one to be in dentistry. There is a unique trait found characteristically In every dentist that we see: For one to be a dentist One must be non compos mentis. A dentist indeed is a rara avis And from this tortuous trade. . .God save us! This poem is dedicated to those who must practice or perish Who never know their polishing, probing, pulling is to most nightmarish' To all, fair warning, one day you'll meet your doom And all be confined in an operatory room. We'll tie you up with dental tloss And for all your strength you'll still be at a loss Because, the more you try,to fight us The more we'l1 calm you down with nitrous. And to complete this devilish dentocide We'll gag you all on cola flouride. Then the least of your worries will be taxes and inflation POWER TO A CARIES NATION ' When the revolution comes .....,. 1, of unsound mind 2. rare bird, unusual thing x.J

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