University of Missouri College of Engineering - Shamrock Yearbook (Columbia, MO)

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1 ' fofxs . ,- SEM ' 51183535 The door of hope swings both ways. P14 if P14 What I want, said the speaker,, is reform. I want police reform, I want so- cial reform, I want temperance reform, I want-I want- What you want, called out a lis- tener at the back of the hall, what you want is chloroform. P14 PB' PB A rather extraordinary experience was the lot of one of our esteemed en- gineer brothers, Mr. Longshore. It ap- pears that he had been keeping com- pany with one of the fair sex. Whether or not he had or has any serious inten- tions, we know. not. Some time ago there happened to be a game, the young lady wanted to see that game very much,,in fact, she had set her.dear little heart on it, and was very determined that she should not miss it, nor that he should miss it under any circumstances. Several times while strolling around the campus with her, she gave him' several hints that she wanted him to take her, but to no availg Qhe would not fall for them. Finally she became desperate and blurted out, Will you take me to the game? Please do. 'fReally, he replied, I can't, for I am broke. 'All right, came back a very weak voice. After a short time, he again met her and she gave him a dollar and a half, saying, Buy our seats. 'To be sure I willf' he exclaimed with unadulteratedjoy. ' g The day of the game was enjoyed very much by both, not so much the game, but the fact that they were to- gether. Although it is to be supposed that the young man felt 'rather like a sheep killing dog, as the young lady had made the date with him and had paid his way. Nearly a month had passed when he made a startling discovery. The young lady had given him a dollar and a half, but that only a dollar of that was her own, the other fifty cents she had' bor- rowed from another young man that she knew. P14 P14 P14 Walter had received as a birthday present a gift locomotive, the motive power of which was electricity from a storage battery. Delighted with the toy, he would have spent most of his time in its enjoyment but for the con- stant warnings that he must be careful or the batteries would run out. His Aunt Letitia was the most persistent in these admonitions and one rainy day he be- come discouraged and went upstairs to a closet in search of another toy. Aunt Letitia followed and, during the quest, kept up an uninterrupted flow of good advice to little boys. In the thick of it Walter gave up his hunt and stoically marched down stairs. I-Iis mother in- quired if he had found the toy. Q Oh, no, he replied with an audible sigh. I had to give it up, 'cause I was afraid Aunt Letitia's batteries would run out. - P14 PI4 PF G. D. Oliver- I sure got even with that girl, for I had a dance with her last night. K4 P14 PI4 Kentucky Tailor - And. the hip pockets, Colonel, what size shall I make them-pints or quarts?U Eigli ty -Four

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Pfix .E,,f' 1 ,ff .. . ...N I avi, 'P V V V R TE: ' EQ.. 10.11 me Q . '1 THE PERFECT CAR. An lmbecile Four rolled up to the door, All covered with extra devices galore, NVith trunk, anti-rattlers, self-starter and clock, NVi:h patent absorbers to take out the shock. With mirrorscope, primer, dust covers and chains, With a twenty-man top which gets stuck when it rains, With fire extinguisher, rims which de- mount, With covers and holders and racks with4 out count, With battery testers, a few extra tubes, A slick cigar lighter to capture the rubes, With dimmers and wrenches, gas Savers and pumps, And reinforced springs to take care of the bumps. Said I to the agent: The car looks quite nice, Please quote me Qwith discountsj your Very best price. He Egured it out on the back of his cuff, One-third for the car and two-thirds for the stuff. Oh, it isn't the power, the strength or the speeds, The get there or come back which this car really needs, But it's the trappings and gCWg-HWS and whatnots galore That makes life worth while in the Im- becile Four. -The Crescent. Eighty-Three A. Lincoln Hyde, fat smokerj- Some fellows take engineering because they saw Hart, Shaffner and Marx ad of a man squinting through a telescope and thought they would like t,o do that. They wanted to be one of the men that 'Chew and Do.' PB if P14 A Western street car conducter is re- ported none the worse for being struck by lightning. A nonconductor. Q P14 X4 P14 The man who wants but little here below is the fellow who gets what he wants. IB PI4 PB A promoter is the fellow who lets you in on the ground floor but has his own office in the basement. P14 PI4 PI4 Funny how. the average .girl will waste so much time and substance on her hats, considering that nine men out of ten measure her mentally, morally, and spiritually by their first glance at her feet. P14 P14 PX4 ' It's better to be up and a doing than it is to be down and done. PX4 PF PF The new Swedish cook, who had come into the household during theholidays, asked her mistress: Where bane your son? I not seeing him around no more. My son? replied the mistress pride- fully, Oh, he has gone back to Yale. He could only get away long enough to stay until New Year's Day, you see. I miss him dreadfully, though. Yas. I know yoost how you feel. My broder, he bane in yail six times since T'anksgiving. A

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- Hyde- Mr, Marsh, look in the book . ! there is some valuable information in it. Marsh- It is like getting blood out of a turnipf' if 'If if When you are passing around the flowers to the fellows who are living, be sure to leave out the poison ivy. The recipient is apt to get all swelled up. K4 '14 H4 Man can beat a woman all hollow on the tight stunt. Laces can't touch booze for results. P14 'I' if Experience may be a great teacher, but a rnan's experience with a woman seldom teaches him good sense. , if '14 14 The old blue laws were probably en- acted for the purpose of preventing men from painting towns red. P14 if V14 One young man who was highly sen- sitive about an impediment which he had in his speech went to a stammerer's institute and asked for a course of treat- ment. The professor asked him if he wanted a full or partial course. A p-p-artial c-c-oursef' To what extent would you like a par- tial course. Enough s-so that wh-when I go to a f-f-florists and ask for a c-c-hr-chry- s-s-anth Qwhistlej e-m-mum, the thing won't w-w-wilt b-b-before I g-g-get it. PE P14 V14 Strother- Foster, what are yOu doing with that American handbook? Foster- Checking up my notes on Weinie's lecture. Strother- How do they check? Foster- ,oo2' per cent difference. Eighty'-Five Hotwad- Mr. Hutchinson, please call up judge Stewart, contractor and get the depreciation on a jackass for a period of three years, which in.forma- tion will enable us to figure the effi' ciency on a 'Missouri Conveyor? . . PF P14 P14 Finlay- What are you going to do with your dam when you get it de- signed-sell it for a million dollars? Boll- No, I wouldn't give a dam for two million. . P14 P14 P14 B,urger- Why didn't you put Your name in the middle, Les? Strother- That's to show my eccen- tricityf, P14 PX4 PE Scary Williams-CSeeing C. D. Green with his new jockey capj, Hey, Green, got a stable at home? ' PX4'PI4PZ4 Ima Nut- Does your fountain pen leak like that all of the time? Soami- Oh my, no. just when I have ink in it. P14 P14 P14 I see that you have your arm in a sling, said the inquisitive passenger, Broken, isn't it? Yes, sir, responded the other pas- senger. , . Meet with an accident ? No, broke it while trying to pat my- self on the back. Great Scott! What for? For minding my own business. P14 PB PB Fred P. Hutchinson would pause dur- ing the most momentous moment of his' life to enter some sort of fruitless argu-- ment, for the pleasant pastime of exer- cising his vocal chords. i