University of Missouri College of Engineering - Shamrock Yearbook (Columbia, MO)

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Pfix .E,,f' 1 ,ff .. . ...N I avi, 'P V V V R TE: ' EQ.. 10.11 me Q . '1 THE PERFECT CAR. An lmbecile Four rolled up to the door, All covered with extra devices galore, NVith trunk, anti-rattlers, self-starter and clock, NVi:h patent absorbers to take out the shock. With mirrorscope, primer, dust covers and chains, With a twenty-man top which gets stuck when it rains, With fire extinguisher, rims which de- mount, With covers and holders and racks with4 out count, With battery testers, a few extra tubes, A slick cigar lighter to capture the rubes, With dimmers and wrenches, gas Savers and pumps, And reinforced springs to take care of the bumps. Said I to the agent: The car looks quite nice, Please quote me Qwith discountsj your Very best price. He Egured it out on the back of his cuff, One-third for the car and two-thirds for the stuff. Oh, it isn't the power, the strength or the speeds, The get there or come back which this car really needs, But it's the trappings and gCWg-HWS and whatnots galore That makes life worth while in the Im- becile Four. -The Crescent. Eighty-Three A. Lincoln Hyde, fat smokerj- Some fellows take engineering because they saw Hart, Shaffner and Marx ad of a man squinting through a telescope and thought they would like t,o do that. They wanted to be one of the men that 'Chew and Do.' PB if P14 A Western street car conducter is re- ported none the worse for being struck by lightning. A nonconductor. Q P14 X4 P14 The man who wants but little here below is the fellow who gets what he wants. IB PI4 PB A promoter is the fellow who lets you in on the ground floor but has his own office in the basement. P14 PI4 PI4 Funny how. the average .girl will waste so much time and substance on her hats, considering that nine men out of ten measure her mentally, morally, and spiritually by their first glance at her feet. P14 P14 PX4 ' It's better to be up and a doing than it is to be down and done. PX4 PF PF The new Swedish cook, who had come into the household during theholidays, asked her mistress: Where bane your son? I not seeing him around no more. My son? replied the mistress pride- fully, Oh, he has gone back to Yale. He could only get away long enough to stay until New Year's Day, you see. I miss him dreadfully, though. Yas. I know yoost how you feel. My broder, he bane in yail six times since T'anksgiving. A

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1 , n Q 64, Pardon - I R - Lk, V, ' p A I 'xx ll -, Prof in Geom- What is space? Freshman- I can't explain it, but I got it in my head all right. ' V aaa - Fair Co-ed- I suppose you will com? mit suicide if I refuse you? He- Ah, yes, that has been my cus- tom. ' ' PBPBPI4 I' Welsh-QIn descriptive geometeryj, Now, Mr. Percival, how does that look? ' C Percival Qwaking upj- Oh, that's all right. ' Welch- Are you ina receptive posi- tion back there, Mr. Percival? A little greater perpendicularity of the body might be better. Shorthorn- Meyer boards by the day, doesn't he?', V1 ' - Landlady's daughter- What makes you ask that? ' Shorthorn- I see that he comes in every day-to pay his board, I suppose. P14 X4 K4 A ' Calling on an intellectual woman is, to the average man, just a form of men- tal gymnastic practice lwhich he takes to brace 'him up so that he can enjoy the enervating society of some cute fluffy little thing for the rest of the week. The individual you can spare the easiest is generally the one that is around the most. P14 PI4 P14 The man who is a failure hopes for the best, but-the man who is a success takes it. 'I' 'I' 'X' . The foreman of a gang of railway men has more than his share of Irish wit. The other afternoon he was walking along his section of the line found one of his laborers fast the shade of a hedge. Eyeing the man with a stern smile, he said slowly: Slape on, ye idle spalpeen-slape on. So long as ye slape ye've got a job, but when ye wake up ye're out of wurrkf' P14 P14 P11 when he asleep in The evening wore on, continued the man who was telling the story. P Excuse me, interrupted the would- be wit, but can you tell us what the evening wore on .the occasion? A I don't think that it is important, replied the story teller. But if you must know, I believe it was the close of a summer day. ' PF P14 P14 If a man lends his influence he rarely gets it back. p B PF 'B PI' A genius is a man who knows when to keep his mouth shut. Eighty-Two

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1 ' fofxs . ,- SEM ' 51183535 The door of hope swings both ways. P14 if P14 What I want, said the speaker,, is reform. I want police reform, I want so- cial reform, I want temperance reform, I want-I want- What you want, called out a lis- tener at the back of the hall, what you want is chloroform. P14 PB' PB A rather extraordinary experience was the lot of one of our esteemed en- gineer brothers, Mr. Longshore. It ap- pears that he had been keeping com- pany with one of the fair sex. Whether or not he had or has any serious inten- tions, we know. not. Some time ago there happened to be a game, the young lady wanted to see that game very much,,in fact, she had set her.dear little heart on it, and was very determined that she should not miss it, nor that he should miss it under any circumstances. Several times while strolling around the campus with her, she gave him' several hints that she wanted him to take her, but to no availg Qhe would not fall for them. Finally she became desperate and blurted out, Will you take me to the game? Please do. 'fReally, he replied, I can't, for I am broke. 'All right, came back a very weak voice. After a short time, he again met her and she gave him a dollar and a half, saying, Buy our seats. 'To be sure I willf' he exclaimed with unadulteratedjoy. ' g The day of the game was enjoyed very much by both, not so much the game, but the fact that they were to- gether. Although it is to be supposed that the young man felt 'rather like a sheep killing dog, as the young lady had made the date with him and had paid his way. Nearly a month had passed when he made a startling discovery. The young lady had given him a dollar and a half, but that only a dollar of that was her own, the other fifty cents she had' bor- rowed from another young man that she knew. P14 P14 P14 Walter had received as a birthday present a gift locomotive, the motive power of which was electricity from a storage battery. Delighted with the toy, he would have spent most of his time in its enjoyment but for the con- stant warnings that he must be careful or the batteries would run out. His Aunt Letitia was the most persistent in these admonitions and one rainy day he be- come discouraged and went upstairs to a closet in search of another toy. Aunt Letitia followed and, during the quest, kept up an uninterrupted flow of good advice to little boys. In the thick of it Walter gave up his hunt and stoically marched down stairs. I-Iis mother in- quired if he had found the toy. Q Oh, no, he replied with an audible sigh. I had to give it up, 'cause I was afraid Aunt Letitia's batteries would run out. - P14 PI4 PF G. D. Oliver- I sure got even with that girl, for I had a dance with her last night. K4 P14 PI4 Kentucky Tailor - And. the hip pockets, Colonel, what size shall I make them-pints or quarts?U Eigli ty -Four