University of Missouri College of Engineering - Shamrock Yearbook (Columbia, MO)

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l-ifx be first ngineer OR quite a number of years, the patronage paid to St. Patrick by the Engineers of Missouri Uni- A l versity fand now at Oklahoma, Arkansas, Rolla School of Mines and Amesj has caused people unacquainted with the legend to wonder not a little at the connection. We will here at- tempt to explain how it has been proven that St. Patrick was the only first and original Engineer. , The bearer of the illustrious name of St. Patrick was born of Irish parents on the sea coast of Britain in 389 A. D. History shows that he manifested great engineering ability by mastering alge- bra and trigonometry before he learned his letters. At the age of I5 he proved the earth to be round before an august and learned body of scientists from Dublin. A year later he realized the need of a bridge between analytic ge- ometry and mechanics. Thus the inven- tion of the calculus which has been handed down for us to 'cuss. The Irish now awoke to the fact that this engineering genius was being wasted in Britain. So a vessel was se- cretly sent to the coast of Britain, and one dark and stormy night Patrick was kidnapped and brought to Dublin. Here he was appointed a committee of one to determine the cause of Ireland's re- tardation in the progress of civilization. After four months of diligent and ceaseless investigation Patrick informed the scientists that he was going to im- prove the barbarous condition of Ire- land. Eleven His First service was the construction of a masonry aqueduct on the outskirts of Dublin, thus furnishing, the city with pure water from the springs of that vicinity. He also built three sky- scrapers, an elevated electric railroad, and a cantilever bridge. Not neglect- ing the mechanical and electrical needs of his country, he constructed a dam and erected a power plant on the Shan- non river and transmitted the light and power all over Ireland. Hfis network of railroads established easy access to even the remotest peat bog, upon which Ireland depended for her supply of fuel. , This caused the awe and devotion of the good Irish people and they tried to repay Patrick by giving him the title of Saint. They really wanted to make him king, but he refused, as Withfihis high ideals of democracy, he was op- posed to the rule of ,one man. We thus see why these ideals 'of democracy have afterward been fostered by the follow- ers of the engineering profession. Now these services to Ireland began to worry the lawyers not a little, as a result they feared for their power which they held over the people. So he was accused of witchcraft, arrested and brought before one of their judges. Now St. Patrick was equal to the occa- sion, so he promptly invented the mon- key wrench and screwed all the lawyers to the bench. Later he was elected mayor of the city of Dublin. Four years later St. Patrick started on his famous topo- I

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L 2 3655555 ego 459. ' nhup C. J. HUBBARD. Witli Apologies to Kipling. Vifhen our last survey is taken, And the last map is plotted and inked, Viflien the oldest camp is forsaken, And the youngest uroughneckn has died, Vlfe shall rest, and faith we shall need it, Lie down for an eon or two, Till the Master Engineer shall call us, And command that we survey anew. And those that could design shall he happy, They shall never rise before noon, Their power plants shall all be in Eden, They shall work by the light of the Tungsten And only Archangels shall help them, The Saints shall respond to their call, They shall erect but one transmission in a century And never he Weary at all. There nothing but praise shall he printed In reviews of the engines they have madeg And nothing but Efs shall be given Each hour, when the engineers are paid, .Each one, in joy and contentment, To his home in some separate star. Shall motor, a cheruh to drive him, A million-horse comet his car. '1

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- -:a'5Q'-DK Z- .,:,j :3 V 7 or - etseiyt-1355 graphic survey of Ireland. It is said to have taken ten years to complete. An incident is said to have happened while he was in County Cork, en- gaged in precise leveling that will be told to even the end of the world. He was taking shots between hills that were four miles apart, and on one sight- ing, he seemed to see the hill move up and then down, to the right and then to the T left in a most unaccountable manner. Upon removing the lens, a young. unsophisticated, green snake crawled out of the instrument, destroy- ing the cross hairs. St. Patrick then an elaborate topograp1'1iC map of Ire' land. His computations became very laborious and tedious, so he invented the slide rule, commonly called the slip-stick. The original map can be seen in the University of Dublin, where it is paraded and exhibited by the learned men of that institution. St. Patrick was the founder of the Royal Society of Engineers of Ireland. He lived to a ripe old age and died March 17th, 461 A. D. It is said that the earth trembled and the skies dark- ened at his death. He sleeps in the shadows of Blarney Castle, where the lost his for seven days and drove all of the snakes out of Ireland into the sea. Upon completion of his survey, St. Patrick returned to Dublin and laid out temper, and knocked off work shamroclzs grow, but once a year, on the 17th of March he appears on earth again to reward his faithful followers who cheerfully and willingly cut all classes. The Giant iiests All day the Giant, works. l-lis arms of steel Lift the huge weight or turn the ponderous wheel Nor lesser tasks does he disdain or shirk- Allis grist to him that feeds his greed for work. But when the evening creeps across the land The Giant rests, and stretching forth his hand Gropes for his pipe, then bends his tired frame And stoops to light it in the sunset flame. Soon, thick and fast, as he begins to blow, The ruddy sparks through the soft twilight glow. They fill the city streets with mimic noon And flash and sparkle by the still lagoon, Through the dim parks they blaze a golden trail, Float up the hills or cluster in the vale. l-lither and yon, the lovely, airythings ' Go glimmering past us'no their shining wings, While overhead the Lady Moon looks down And deems them jewels lost from out of her crown. PAULINE FRANCES CAMP. Twelve