University Medical College - Scalpel Yearbook (Kansas City, MO)

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er breakfast he would study until school time. He gave no attention to anything but his work and his studies. The result of his first year's work was that he passed in all of his subjects except five. He applied a little more steam and succeeded in getting through on the second examination after having been tutored for two months during the summer. The remaining month of vacation he decided to spend in Pee Dee. He, there- fore, sent the following notice to his home paper, The Weekly Pee Dee Pifflef' t'Dr. Claude J. Von Witten formerly of this city, but now one of the leading physicians and surgeons of the State will be at the Pee Dee Hotel for three weeks and all of the sick and afflicted will be cured of any disease if they will call on this wonderful doctor, who effects the most marvelous cures. Dr. Von Witten charges only S150 for the first treat- ment, all other treatments will be paid for when patient is cured. Do not fail to con- sult this doctor as he will be here only a short time as he has offices in sixty-five of the principal cities of the country. As there had never been any regular physicians in Pee Dee, Von made money fast. In fact when he returned to College the second year he was very much transformed in appearance. Instead of the homespun and Scotch cap of Freshman year, he appeared in the latest creation that exclusive tailors and haberdashers could furnish. Von finally came to the conclusion that it was useless to attend lectures-that knowledge of medicine was not what was necessary to make money in this age of graft cures. He resolved to invent some new method. He quit College before the Sophomore annual examinations and put up a modest office in the Fudge Building. Von Witten found that Eddyites and Dowieites had worked the religious fanatical fake cures until that field was covered, he therefore rented more office space and advertised his sup- posed wonderful discovery which he called Suggesto-Therapinef' He hired all of the surplus stenographers and advertising agents in the city to send out circulars until the whole second floor of the Fudge Building was filled with his self-praising bureaus. The m-oney began to roll in so fast that he is not only the largest bank depositor in the city but has erected five twenty-story buildings on Tenth street in addition to the fact that he has just furnished fifteen millions to the government for the Panama Canal bond issue. To get back to Lottie, the Poor Saleslady who helped to mould his career-she waited in vain for him to return and claim her, but alas! Von had fallen in love' with Edna, the Pretty Typewriter. This so enraged poor Lottie that she began reading Science and Healing and in order to wreak revenge on her former beau-she rushed to Kansas City and started a rival cure concern in the Whelat Belt Bank Building at Thirty-first and Roost avenue. L As soon as Von found Lottie was getting part of his graft he gave up Edna, mar ried Lottie, consolidated their offices and both lived luxuriously ever after. H. T. M. Dr. Robinson: 'tSuppose your room-mate should wake you in the middle of the night and you found he was delirious what would you do? Forner: I would give him -a teaspoonful of hydrocyanic acid every half hour un- til he became quiet?

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