University Medical College - Scalpel Yearbook (Kansas City, MO)

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Jobine patience and is finally ushered into the presence of him who wields the destiny of medical students. After a seven-minute and thirteen-second interview, he is again upon the street and throws away his purse. Why, what is the use in keeping it? He has been to see the Dean. But it is high time for our hungry young friend to find an eating place. A res- taurant is the usual haunt of him who learns the Aesculapian art. For there he may order what he wishes? Maybe. If he does it is wonderful what freaks his fancy takes. Vrlhy he orders Irish stew instead of ham and eggs has always been a puzzle to us. And why on the morning after a good night out with the boys he sits with drooping eyes but without breakfast before the eight o'clock professor and when the doctor mistakes his --it - ' ' 7' A 2 C,-1: - - is J ogENlETogJwerHuNc. lnwx gil TW5 HAND LOOKS -- Q Q- ' gif , ,X LHQE A FOOT . ,Zvii-I f,rcl?mh2 Q -'-i- --- - ' ..i'Y9 L 'iss BQ' K 1-'21 W s i XWWN f. .I!',,lL' X ' - 44 F x U l X IQ f , ffic A Q' N 'lir is f Tl W N' ll u1'X3'3' lx i SQ N 5 ' l if- w.. U or . .7 . 4 .. vsj Q K- .na mixvxxigiix 'W it if . . ..MN XS? lNiElR QNs ' mimi' In 1 V , ff Q-xisisx. KN X . 'fig : LXXHN X 6 .X . 'igfizw' ' -J K 0' 'L Q , Eiilkdd ' W if gqwlilln . Suisse tx 1 J Wil . W . .,. ss J 'H gpg Qxvgzlii -N-2-Qstsw 5 . -. ' Q 3 wwwwrsxxmxwsmxxxx-:mx S fly A X' ' -Lim ,X -'-A y , F N: , i ,, mn.. 1 vi ' N . iigilwf rl 3 ' I 'vii' 'l 'SQQWEV Ni ll ' A- ll ' WQ5 A em I Q W 1 'l',v I .,-5.-i bfi- f Six-SAQT Tx ? Tw 2553: is Q-:aff ' v If :fi 1 Jimiiuzs. f if f!! x?w x?QX Q? ' 5: X f 1 H I X Q THAT SOPH PuTc.H GAME. H stretching yawn for a manifested desire to ask a question and wishes to know what he wants, he dreamily answers Hcoffee and rolls is another thing that is beyond our feeble comprehension. Just why flies cling about a medics boarding place is a question that no one seems ready to answer. It shows bad judgment on the part of the fly. It is all right to be brave but who wants to be drowned in skimmed milk or baked to death in a pancake. Queer how prone the college man is to sing. Sing he will. It must be that he does so here because he is not allowed to make an ugly noise at home. Sweet Ade- line, is a popular class song on a cloudy day. How fortunate for Adeline she need not listen to the tuneful pinings of poor Joe. Strange how every man sings in his own key.

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Glnllege Bags 4 lHAT is a medical college? What is a medical student? A medical college is a E, place where the student gets wise-to lots of things. A medical student is a be- ing that exists-merely, and changes his shirt twice a week and his room and boarding place three times during the same period. But, talking about the lair of the embryo doctor, it would be real funny if it were not so sad to think of the pleasant inconveniences he undergoes. The average U. M. C. man starts in at the beginning of his Freshman year on the third floor iso I am toldj and it is peculiar that the higher he advances in his classes the lower he comes down in living apartments. This is not as mirthful as it seems, for the Senior year frequently finds him in the cellar. The way he gets located is laughable to any one except the student. Arriving in town with his old valiseg new trunk, best neckltieg all his legal tenderu in his pocketg several apple sized lumps in his throatg besides a glistening lachyrmal exudation in his off eye, he sets out to find his new abode. Attracted by a flashing placard, Furnished Roomsf, and thinking it is something of that sort he wants, he summons all his courage, or whatever he has that resembles courage, and proceeds to wring the neck of the door bell or push the button at the portal entrance of the castle. The gentle rattle of No. f2'sg the flurry of skirts and open flies the door and so does the 6X8 mouth of the sixteen, maybe thirty-six year old child the never was good at guessing age with powder on itl and yells, Ma! here's a man, as if he were the first rooster of that breed of fowls she had ever seen. Then she smiles at him. He grows dizzy and for the first time for- gets Edith and his vows of eternal constancy. At this juncture his future landlady ap- pears on the scene to say, What is it sir? He explains, a room, got any? See sign. She answers in the affirmative and says, walk this way. But he can't to save his head for women have a gait peculiar to themselves, besides he noticed that this one's feet don't track. However, he takes her as she means and makes the first flight of stairs in good condition and with credit to himself, but in a darkened way of the third floor he stumbles over a bucket half filled with bedbug annihilator. The bucket slops over with its contents and the student with apology. He says it is an un- pardonable blunder, and for once the landlady agrees with him, strange to say. At thi-s point a door is swung open and for the first time he sees a closet with a bed in it. But if he is credulou-s to all that he hears it is the warmest room in winterg the coo-lest one in summer that is to be had. CLater he swears that the opposite is truel. A tear creeps down the good lady's cheek as -she tells him that it would be occupied at present only the poor fellow who dwelt there last suddenly died and that his spirit has gone to test the realities of an unknown world. He believes what she says about the spirit all right, all right, but he stimulates his vision to pierce the darkercorners of the space for owing to the peculiar odor that eminates through the open door he is not so sure that the body has been so remotely removed. But he agrees to locate and upon the price per month ibut learns afterward that three weeks make a monthl, a sum he thinks too much, but is assured that it would be cheap at half the price. He then starts out in search of the Dean. Enters the office that corresponds to the number given in the catalogue and asks the office girl if his Lordship is in. For in- terrupting the tender blossom in the perusal of the latest novel Cfor she was just where the hero was about to caress the heroine for the first time, not the secondl, he gets a blunt yes and a look that makes him feel that the search for the North Pole is over and that the bloomin' thing is sticking down his back. He waits his hour turn with

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,rg .- . I -ffevvkd A 1 if ' i I 1 .,. .1 lf' .V 1 1 1 1 F 1 1 l il l 1 V j1. .I if l 1 :QI Q 1 f1 ii mi 12 1215 3 3, 5 .1 W All fyll NH 18.1. 'il I lim 1' rfb .13 1 fl I. ,. 11 .L I 5 l l 51, it 1 .111 1 l 1 l 1 ,. , N 141 1 I ll Q1 I1 11. 21 ll lv, 1 lil? 171 itll :Wi 21.11 VH .1r i1 .l. 45' 1. it 1 1 '1 11 l 1 l 1 1 1 i 4 1 J 1 ll li 11311 l 1 1 1 .1 . V 1 3111 . 1' V 11 '1l11l1 1 1 E1 ll .11 11 Some times there are hardly enough keys to go round. Those who listen but cannot see must necessarily presume that the whole bunch is singing in whis-key. But Oh, the busy, busy grind of him who learns the healing art., Days and nights on anatomy. Why was manfs body made so complex and his mind so simple. But chemistry. Speak of that once and then forever hold your peace. Who can straighten out therapeutics without getting his mind in a whirl. Why study pediatrics any way? Already money is too scarce and children are too plentiful. But never mind our sorrows will soon be forgotten. And by the way so will be the chemistry. However, while yet in school some men seek to quiet their trouble, and to drown it seems to be the conventional method. Those good old nights when you don't go home till morning. But we do not approve of ranting riot and roaring dissi- pation. A little spirit may be all right but what a pity any one can get too much of such a good thing. A man with more stomach than brain might get jagged before he knows it, but once his equilibri-um is disturbed even a chump should be aware of the fact, for, When your heels hit hard and your head feels queer, And your thoughts rise up like foam on beerg When your knees are weak and your voice is strong, And you laugh like thunder at a durn fool so-ng, You're drunk, by gosh, you're drunk. But the will be doctor -seldom goes wr-on-g when out for a -social time, because he knows the evil effects of alcohol. It is his unwise visiting friends such as Anheuser Busch and Bud Weiser who drink too deeply fro-m the cup that cheers. And no matter which it becomes our student's solemn duty to see home in safety he finds it difficult to lead either Ann or Bud and yet refrain from walking in well marked curves. It seems though, that time has passed rapidly on, as time will do, and many are nearing their college end. We look back with pride upon our moral integrityg happy to know that our methods have always been above suspicion and that our grades are with- out taintg glad to realize that no man has betrayed the trust of his professors and insulted his own dignity by stooping to the vile art of ponying. -Who said Splash ? Soon by sensible answer-si to hyperincomprehensible questions we mean to bluff the state boards into granting us a license to legally commit murder, whether in them that be wise or otherwise. J. F. l,lli - Dr. Logan: Mr. Fair, will you call the Junior roll. I left my roll book at the office. Fair: Billings, Brown, Buttln Dr. L.: That will do. sir. We will omit the roll call today.