University Medical College - Scalpel Yearbook (Kansas City, MO)

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I 5 Q Our Eihim! Adoerfirers Dr. Percy B. James, CLAUDIUS J. ALLEN PJJQ D. V. S. PROCTOLOGIST EXTRAORDINARY Successor to Thornton 6. Minor. Carcinomas and Coin Cheerfully re- moved While you Wait. Office Hours: 10:00 p. m.-3:00 a. m. P. S.-I Work better then. Send for my 4000-page booklet on how . I do the invisible operation. MY METHODS ARE EXCLUSIVE. J. H. HIPPUCHATES WUHLEY lvl. D., Ph. G cwhizy. Consultant Official Physician to the Class. Consulting Pathologist and Bacteriol- ogist. Author of 'KWhat I Know, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., Good Old Dr. Morton Plmple of Wealth Pelf and Squashington streets, Kan- sas City, Mo., Will cure you. No knife, no medicine. ALL I DO IS TO TAKE THE DON'T ASK ME ANYTHING EASY. IVIONEY. Sorrentino llegretti Gerstenkorn! ummm Le Baron R. F. Von Cannon ! ! ! !! CONSULTING SPECIALISTS OF THE I-IUNGARIAN-AMERICAN STAFF OF SPRAINED STURGEONS. We Wear our dress suits to bed so that We can answer night calls in proper attire. ANYTHING UNDERTAKEN ONCE

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Glnllege Bags 4 lHAT is a medical college? What is a medical student? A medical college is a E, place where the student gets wise-to lots of things. A medical student is a be- ing that exists-merely, and changes his shirt twice a week and his room and boarding place three times during the same period. But, talking about the lair of the embryo doctor, it would be real funny if it were not so sad to think of the pleasant inconveniences he undergoes. The average U. M. C. man starts in at the beginning of his Freshman year on the third floor iso I am toldj and it is peculiar that the higher he advances in his classes the lower he comes down in living apartments. This is not as mirthful as it seems, for the Senior year frequently finds him in the cellar. The way he gets located is laughable to any one except the student. Arriving in town with his old valiseg new trunk, best neckltieg all his legal tenderu in his pocketg several apple sized lumps in his throatg besides a glistening lachyrmal exudation in his off eye, he sets out to find his new abode. Attracted by a flashing placard, Furnished Roomsf, and thinking it is something of that sort he wants, he summons all his courage, or whatever he has that resembles courage, and proceeds to wring the neck of the door bell or push the button at the portal entrance of the castle. The gentle rattle of No. f2'sg the flurry of skirts and open flies the door and so does the 6X8 mouth of the sixteen, maybe thirty-six year old child the never was good at guessing age with powder on itl and yells, Ma! here's a man, as if he were the first rooster of that breed of fowls she had ever seen. Then she smiles at him. He grows dizzy and for the first time for- gets Edith and his vows of eternal constancy. At this juncture his future landlady ap- pears on the scene to say, What is it sir? He explains, a room, got any? See sign. She answers in the affirmative and says, walk this way. But he can't to save his head for women have a gait peculiar to themselves, besides he noticed that this one's feet don't track. However, he takes her as she means and makes the first flight of stairs in good condition and with credit to himself, but in a darkened way of the third floor he stumbles over a bucket half filled with bedbug annihilator. The bucket slops over with its contents and the student with apology. He says it is an un- pardonable blunder, and for once the landlady agrees with him, strange to say. At thi-s point a door is swung open and for the first time he sees a closet with a bed in it. But if he is credulou-s to all that he hears it is the warmest room in winterg the coo-lest one in summer that is to be had. CLater he swears that the opposite is truel. A tear creeps down the good lady's cheek as -she tells him that it would be occupied at present only the poor fellow who dwelt there last suddenly died and that his spirit has gone to test the realities of an unknown world. He believes what she says about the spirit all right, all right, but he stimulates his vision to pierce the darkercorners of the space for owing to the peculiar odor that eminates through the open door he is not so sure that the body has been so remotely removed. But he agrees to locate and upon the price per month ibut learns afterward that three weeks make a monthl, a sum he thinks too much, but is assured that it would be cheap at half the price. He then starts out in search of the Dean. Enters the office that corresponds to the number given in the catalogue and asks the office girl if his Lordship is in. For in- terrupting the tender blossom in the perusal of the latest novel Cfor she was just where the hero was about to caress the heroine for the first time, not the secondl, he gets a blunt yes and a look that makes him feel that the search for the North Pole is over and that the bloomin' thing is sticking down his back. He waits his hour turn with