University of Massachusetts Lowell - Sojourn / Knoll Yearbook (Lowell, MA)

Page 11 text:

, 1? AL Qi. .. fm W.-. en -.i - a 1:- if f 2

Page 10 text:

mon one-class absence excuses. For several absenses the student must come up with less trivial excuses such as, i'l've been having personal problems, l was going to quit school but changed my mind, and the all-purpose excuse, l had mono. Professors aren't really interested in why the student missed class anyway-hejust wants to know when the work will be made up. After all, why do you think professors tell you how many unexcused absenses stu- dents are allowed in the first place? Many students feel their college experience is not com- plete if they haven't live in a dorm. Unfortunately for them, here at the University ofLowell we don't have dorms, we have Hresidence halls. For some strange reason the ad- ministration has done away with the don'ns. lt is thought, however that the two experiences are similar. Roommates. By whim of some computer hidden away in the Dean of Housings ofiice, students are paired off as roommates. Unlike some schools that try to match up compatible roomies iSimular to computer datingl the Uni- versity of Lowell throws names into the computer and each student comes out assigned to a small cube inside of a bigger cube. Those students who are not fortunate enough to get a room are then put on Tl'lE WAITING LIST. WHILE SENTENCED TO wait for an inderrninate amount oftime, these students miss out on some of the finer points of residence hall life. While each hall has its own peculurlari- ties, they all have two things in common. The least danger- ous is the weekly visits from the Lowell fire department for the FIRE DRILLS. Fire drills occure with tno pun intendedl alarming frequency, and seem to have a propensity for Thursday nights. Students are rudely jarred awake by the steady bleating of the fire alami and forced to stumble, bed-clad, down the stairs out into the night. As if this were not bad enough, once the firefighters, fully equipped with axes and rubber coats, deem that there is no fire, students must haul themselves back up the stairs to the comfort of their beds. This is an especially traumatic ordeal for those who live in Fox hall upper towers. No one enjoys trekking up 18 fiights. The second is THE MEAL PLAN. For anywhere from 5600.00 to 5900.00 students can buy little plastic cards with their names and pictures on them. The little card allows students to eat specified food at specified times. The average meal consists of mystery meat with gravy, water-logged vegetables, super spuds, cookies, cake or choice of carbohydrate, and a non-alcoholic beverage. All students who live in the residence hall must purchase the meal plan. Meanwhile, at Bogus and Leitch , some lost soul is trying to get into the building, but can't, because he lost his SENSOR CARD. Sensor cards were designed to keep non- residents out, and to a point have succeeded, except that they also keep residents out. Some students choose to live off-campus in buildings oumed by people called SLUMLORDS. The average slum- lords own vast amounts of properties and makes vast amounts of money by renting to students. Typically, the average student apartment has ugly paneling on the walls, rotting linoleum on the kitchen floor, moth-eaten rugs on the remainder of the floors, leaky plumbing, mice, and rooms the size ofa Fotomat booth. The apartment experi- ence is supposed to give the student a taste of real-life responsibilities. ln all actuality it teaches them to stay in school so that they won't have to live in a college apart- ment forever. Other students live at home and are called COMMUTERS. Commuters are often pitied because they have to get up early to drive into school, and face a drive home at the end of the day. ln all actuality commuters do not dread the drive to and from school. Their true nemesis is the parking lot: they face a daily battle called PARKING. The Early Student Gets the Space is the motto of the commuter. For 55.00 a student can purchase a parking sticker from the campus police. This, however, does not automatically guarantee the student a parking space. Left to their own devices, commuters invented the game create a space, which is also known as creative parking. The rules ofthe game are very simple. After traversing the lots for a Hlegal 6 .fi-r 'C 1 ff 3 51 . I s . -ff 'Stiff-'-'ff N.,,H,,,f

Page 12 text:

space and finding none, students are allowed to park their cars in any available space in the immediate area. The object of the game is to avoid the evil parking monsters. The less dangerous of the monsters is ugly Rita-meter maid. Rita dispenses little orange tickets which charge students 510.00 for parking where they shouldn't have. Students usually ignore the little orange tickets, or they use them bookmarks. The real terror of commuters is the dreaded Hliamikazee towing monsters. The Kamikazees sneak up on unsuspecting cars, take them hostage, and hold them for ransom. Students are forced to pay the evil Chief Kamikazee if they want their cars in one piece. Unfor- tunately sometimes even if they pay the ransom their cars are never quite the same again. Some say the highlight ofa student's college experience is the social life. The college social life can be divided into two categories-on-campus partying and off-campus partyting. On-campus partying is usually censored in some way but is still quite popular-especially with under-age drinkers. Off-campus partying is more expensive and re- quires an l.D. of some sort, yet it too remains popular- especially with underage dnnkers. The majority of on-campus partying is organized by peo- ple students refer to as Greeks. Greeks are not necessarily descendents of the Hellenic race, rather they are a breed unto themselves. By day the Greeks are like most stu- dents-they go class, they skip class, they study, but un- like other students they are required to do many good deeds, to make up for all the partying they do by night. ln spite ofall the other activities they do, Greeks are still land with pridel regarded as the party experts. The remainder of on-campus parties are held in the residence halls, and are forbidden by the administration, which is why Greek parties and off-campus parties are better attended. Some off-campus partying occurs in apartments. The idea here is to cram as many students as possible into the apartment so they all can worship the silver-god called THE KEG. Students spend their time qualiing dovm as many beers as possible before the keg is empty. Once the keg is empty they seek out a new party or they go to a club. Clubs are popular because of the live entertainment, dancing, but mostly because of the cheap beer?l. Due to the stricter laws pertaining to alcohol, many students avoid clubs because they are either underage or they don't want to have to dnve home. ln any case, if a student has thoroughly leamed How to Talk Your Way Out of Anything, club paryting is ideal. The college experience culminates in GRADUATION. Many college students never get to experience graduation, but for those that do it, it must be a memorable moment. After all, what could top off hours of languishing away in the sun, wearing a black tent on your body and a black bookend on your head, while listening to someone too far away to see, say how proud he is of each and every one of you. Stephanie Marie Rose Burke 8 1 i 'Y 1 - 'C 'Sl