University of Massachusetts Boston - Beacon Yearbook (Boston, MA)

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Hord to Believe Billy Toylor reportedly lost his bull horn. 0 Chris Clifford removes his glosses ond mustoche to sleep. A fire olorm wos pulled in lote October ond there oc- tuolly wos o fire. A night security guord wos found owoke ond olert ot midnight over Christmos Breok. A representotive group of Horbor Compus Students went on o foct finding mission to CPCS. Tocos served in the Wheotly Cofeterio were declored sofe ond edible by the Moss. Boord of Heolth. ln o weok moment the homburgers in the McCormock cofeterio were cooked medium insteod of the usuol chorred by one now out of work chef. It wos ononymously reported thot o window somewhere on compus octuolly opens. Jim Perkins troded in his sweotponts for gobordine slocks. During the week of Feb. 4, 1985, the Moss Medio come out with o well written, well conceived, thought pro- voking editoriol on o relevent issue. During the compoign for Student Trustee, condidote, Brion McDevitt decided ogoinst plocing Brion McDevitt for Student Trustee stickers on the pipes thot line the ceilings of both the G1 ond G2 goroge levels for feor of over exposure. In December, students were cought working up o sweot while they were engoged in thorough reseorch, tenocious problem solving, constructive conversotion, ond generolly productive studying, prior to finol exoms. AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY o student octuolly willingly gove his cor keys to o friend to drive him home ofter deciding he wos too drunk, ond thot driving wouldn't prove onything onywoy. THE ELEVATORS ot both the Downtown ond Horbor Compuses worked flowlessly for o period of one week - during spring vocotion. OF TEN RANDOMLY ASKED students in the O10 Wheotly cofeterio, three octuolly knew whot the initiols C.P.C.S. stood for. lT'S JUST A COLD SORE. AFTER misplocing o student's records in the Registrotion office, on employee octuolly put in extro time in on honest ottempt to locote them. After they were found, the employee octuolly mode o telephone coll to the student notifying him of the discovery. A UMB OPERATOR WAS reported to octuolly hove been polite when giving o requested number over the phone, ond soid the number ogoin in cose it wos not heord the first time. AN EMPLOYEE ot the Bursor's office octuolly showed some concern when o student presented o problem of poying her bill, ond even kept his window open ofter 8:30 pm to help resolve the motter. cont. p. 74

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Elementar Education by Stephen Coronella As a purely humanitarian gesture. some friends and I gathered an expedition recently to chart the different climate zones on campus. Aided by graduate school lackeys fluent in the many tongues we might encounter. our team set out across the unpredictable UMassfBoston terrain. recording weather conditions every step of the way. Our findings are published in the hope that someday students atten- ding classes in Building 010 will be able to take notes without their mittens on. Anxious for an early start. we assembled our provisions and manpower on the first floor landing of the rear stairwell in Building One. opposite the Language Lab. A few curious onlookers. bemused by our boots and backpacks. wished us well. and we were away. Of all the stairwells we might have chosen to inaugurate our journey. this one is the most attractive to researchers because. though totally en- closed. it exhibits the type of climate one would expect to find farther north. say. 100 miles above the Arctic Circle. The climatic parallels are indeed startling: both areas are cold and dark for extended periods of the year. and both. as a result. are rarely travelled. During our short time in the OIO stairwell. in fact. several inches of snow fell. and we were forced to establish camp on the third floor landing. just outside the cafeteria. To add to our sense of isolation. menacing howls rose eerily from the Garage Levels. This caused our party some concern. so we un- sheathed our tranquilizer guns in the event a pack of crazed motorists should emerge. When this danger passed and the weather cleared. we prepared to enter the Science Building via the recently constructed 010 Walkway. University officials had assured us. months before our departure. that the school's internal weather would become more accommodating the closer we got to our ultimate destination. i.e.. the Fortress of Administration. We hoped to God they were right. Only moments into our assault upon the Science Building. sadly. one of our most valuable native guides was lost. a graduate student in English named Mel. Mel somehow broke loose from the human chain we had formed across the 010 Walkway. and despite our frantic efforts to save him. he tumbled hopelessly into the Great Abyss of Arts and Sciences. His final words were: Remember me at the Registrar! Such a tragedy should sound a warning to us all. The 010 Walkway respects neither rank nor reputa- tion. Wind and rain lash this passageway mercilessly. turning back full professors and visiting lecturers alike. Similarly. inside the Walkway itself. ice patches. and wet pellets cascading from the perforated ceiling serve to discourage the would-be Hillary or Heyerdahl. If you must traverse this no man's land during your daily rounds at UMB. for God's sake don't go it alone. Our entire expedition. excepting Mel ofcourse. survived the perilous crossing. Yet. it was a weary lot of explorers who dropped their gear in the second-floor lobby of the Science Building. What say. Cap'n'? Move on. do we'? queried one of my lieutenants. Indeed. Building 080 was a disappointment. For all we knew. this place might have been some kind of futuristic tomb - bare brick walls on all sides. long concrete columns extending heavenward. and. most depressing of all. not a drop of indoor precipitation. There was no rain. no snow. not even a mild cyclone to defy us. The air temperature was even bearable. We decided to push on toward the Administration Building. and Shangri-La. This was no easy task. Bolstered by our experiences in Building One. we somehow managed to negotiate the wind tunnel that passes in front of the Healey Library. though several of us were tossed against the frost-stained glass sidewalls and badly shaken up. At last. feeling the flush of conquest. we stepped triumphantly into the Land of Administration. What a world we beheld! Like their Tahitian brethren. the sybarites here had long since discarded their outer garments: some were so bold as to parade about in their shirt sleeves. The office space. especially that on the third floor. was lush with fluorescent lighting and soft carpeting. Our company botanist even noted sundry species of domestic florae thriving on receptionists' desks. So this was where the Grand Chieftain and his Council convened. Several of us wept openly at the magnificence of the place. Well. that is our story. We hope that our discoveries will in some way help the average student in his struggle to progress from class to class. Ideally. to travel comfortably around campus. we found. one needs to pull a fully-equipped wardrobe behind him. We accomlished this with trained malamutes.