University of Maine at Portland - Reflection / Umpire Yearbook (Portland, ME)

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26 When you burn your hand what three authors do you think of? Dickens, Hewitt, Bums. I-Ie: Why does McCrellis talk so much ? She: He was vaccinated with a phone: graph needle? HOME Comma Druggisfs Daughter: Now. Jerome. you must come to church this evening. The minister is preaching from the text, 'Love ye one anotherh Jerome K.: Carft we stay at home and practice what he preaches ? ANOTHER GOUFFA He: The tunnel we Just through cost a million dollars? Fair One: Wt was an absolute waste of money, as far as you are concerned. passed THE VVRDNG VIEWPOINT A lady went into a photographer? ta have her picture taken naturally. W'hile the photographer was adjusting the cam: ran, the lady wrapped :1 ciothes-line 'around her skirts. You'll have to take that OPE, madam? said the photographer, tT cmft take your picture that way? HYou calft fool me that way, young man. she said. I know you see me upw side ciown in that cameraP NONE TllF. 1.1255 DESIRABLE Old Lady; t'I see that tips are forbid- den hem. Attendant: hLot. Mum. 50 was apples; at the Garden of Edenf' PORTLAND UNIVERSITY YJvam-X'rs Dear Parents : Itve been suffering from eye strain lately. Sou. Dear 5011: Please don't study so hard. Mother. Dear Son: Keep away from the front rows of mu- sical comedies. Father. OUR FACULTY tCoutinued from page 23h miss 23mm: 53mm Miss Spring is certainly a very efficient teacher of shorthand and secretarial sub- jects, according to the reports from the girls in the College of Secretarial Science and they know what they are talking about. Miss Spring is always ready to help out in the time of trouble. miss Kathrrine :11. Emma; Herets to our popular Registrar! If youke- feeling kinda blue it seems pretty good to see Misa Kearney and catch a hit of her catching smile. Some say that Miss Kearney can make :1 typewriter get dizzy and run backwards; many times we hml that typewriters: have to have. extra cylinders installed after she has To sum up a short story. shes a very valuu given them a number of fast runs. able asset to Portland University.

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PUVIAN A farmer brought some produce to the city and sold it. Thought he, 'Tll sur- prise my wife. He bought a suit of clothes. a hat and a pair of shoes, and put them under the back seat. On his way home he stopped at the river. took off all his old clothes and threw them in. Then he looked under the seat for his new out- Et. They were gone; finally he got into the buggy and said, Gidclap. Maudeh wetll surprise her anyhow? K-Vaiter: hSir, when you eat here you need not dust off thf': plate. Customer: i'Beg pardoutforce habit. I'm an umpire.H 0f hI asked if I could see her home. uWhat did she say? HSaid she?! send me a picture of it. Teacher: ttJohnny, can you tell me what is wrong with this sentence? l'he horse and cow is in the heldl. Johnny: Yes, 1113321111. Ladies should come hrst. t'Dacl, what is the Board of George: Education ? Dad: th611 I went to school it was a pine shingle? The following latter was received re- cently by a large company which manu- factures corn syrup: 'iDeat Sirs: Though I have taken six cams of your corn syrup. my feet are no better now than when 1 started?1 NEEDED ONLY DAY CLOTHES A cattleman bought some handker- chiefs, collars and ties in a department store while on a trip to the city. The young man who had waited on him then I925 25 asked very courteously if he could not-seil him some nightshirts. tiNow, look here, young teller, begun the cattleman very earnestly, 1 d01ft know if you air making fun of me. but herets what I want to tell you: I aintt one of them sassiety chaps what go to dances and recepshuns. When night comes 1 go to bet . My task in lite.n said the pastor, ltcon- sists in saving young men. thh V replied the young maiden, save a nice looking one for me. It was at a recent concert by Sousa's Baud. Said one, 'That teller, Sousa, ailft got no control over his gang. How do you hgger that out ? X-Yhy the minute he quits threatening them with that little Mack stick of his the tellers quit working. Just watch them. Prof.: RDid-Ift opportunity ever knock at your door?!, Student: Yes, but I couldn't open the door.n Prei: Why ? Student: I was taking a. bath. HEARD .KT-SCUUT MEETING First Scout: hI had the worst dream last night? Second Scout: iReally, what was it? First Scout: 'tOh. I dreamed I was eating Shredded Wheat and I woke up and half of the mattress was gone? Very Stout KVoman Who wants to cross the busy tharoughfarey I say, constable, could you see me across the road? Policeman: KVhy, mum, I could see you a mile off.

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PUVIAN I 92 5 2 7 P. U. DEBATING IfSSOCIATION Tap Row--Ear1 Currier, Ralph F. Blood, Stephen Larrabee Middle Row-.Pierre Belanger, Leo B. Brae, Wilfred Sevigney Bottom R0 Walter Stanford, Wright Cousins, Carlton Moore A CHALLENGE Portland University is a young but progressive college, and therefore neccsr sarily its organizations are also young, but likewise they, too, are progressive. .Tlne Debating teams of the University have practiced all Of the past year. They are now anxious to have the other Maine colleges and as well any other New Engn land colleges give them a fair show on the forensic field. We believe that the associations in the colleges are broad- mimletl enough to be willing to help us on to our feet, and therefore we make the statement that we will be glad to receive dates for debates at any times during the coming season Challenges or accept- ances should be mailed to Ralph F. Blood. President of the Association.