University of Maine at Portland - Reflection / Umpire Yearbook (Portland, ME)

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14. - PORTLAND UNIVERSITY Enhatm: Qllam gmaintt JOKES HEARD IN A SCHOOLROOM Teacher: How many seasons in the year? They: Two, the busy season and the dull season. Am NEEDED EDUCATING A Kentucky mountaineer led his over- grown son into the schoolhouse and asked the schoolnmstei' what studies he taught. XYell. themes arithmetic, geography. trigonmiietrye t'Thatiil do. that'il do. Mister? inter- rupted the father. hImml him up with triggemmetry. llc's the only pom shut in the family. IJum: til heard that an inmate at the insane asylum killed himself. Hummer: XVhat was his reason? Dum: He thought he was a sentinel on duty. and shot himself when he forgot the password. SHIPMENTS WERE MIXED Miss Curleycue, said the office man- aggir apologetieally to his stenographer one morning. I would prefer that you do not write lettevs to your young man friend during ofiice hours. Smith and joules report that we have sent them a shipment of love and kisses instead of the tar and axle grease they ordered. A HARSH CURE A husinese man had the hahit of leav- ing his umbrella at the otiice. One morn- ing on a street car he ahsent-mimlcdly picked up the umbrella of a ymmg lady who sat in the same seat. h'I beg your pardon, but this is mine, said she. He was much embarrassed. and that night gathered up all his umbrellas to take home. in order to forestall any-fur! that experience of that sort. When he get 011 the car there sat the same young lady. Leaning over, she said in a low tone: 1 see you tlitl very well today, after all.u A salesman traveling in the Southern States ftmmi his heavy underwear un- comfcn'tahlc and sent this telegram hack to his wife: :4. U. S. U. V. D. 13.1.3.9. t'I-Iow dare you? If 1 were a man I would punish you for that kiss. uFem- nnt, clear one. If you were :1 man you would have no occasion to pun- ish me. Little daughter tat a showy uW'hen are all the Indians coming on? Mother: Hush, there are 110 Indiana? Little daughter: dWho scalped all the men in the front row? NOT WORRYINJ Old-fashiohed mother tto daughter who is putting some money in the top of her stockingii My dean how do you get your mone-xr out when men are around ?u Daughter: Oh. I don't have to get my money out when men are around.

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PUVIAN 1925 23- 03111: leamlty 15:23. Earle Entry Ginnnfngham XVhen George Washington was born unto men. America was fortunate. 1When Lincoln was born. again man was the better off. XVhen our President, Dean Earle Henry Cunningham was horn, there came into existence with him a great desire to tlo something worth while and Maine is the henehciary. Maine in the year 1921, through the untiring eEorts of this great educator, was blessed with the birth of its Fifth college, Portland University. In this institution is invested the life of our President. in it is invested the great and burninginterests of many students. We all see the great possibilities awaiting us and this is all priesihle through the super human ambition and everlasting cmtrage of our dearest friend in the time of trouble, President Earle H. Cunningham. Brnfessnr i. militant: Stuart HA friend in need is a friend indeed? Thus we count in the head of the Busiw ness Atln'linistration Department. One Senior made the remark to me, llProEessor Stuart is the best hearted man on earth. and aeicle from the other members of the faculty whom he equals, but cannot heat, we are inelined to agree with our fellow student. If you once make the friendship of this man you want to 1mlue it highly for it isnlt very often that we find a FRIEND iii the time 01' need. Iimfessm' malph E. CEmmirrgltuut 51-9 and Hfmfm's pure gold? NO, more tlzan that. Professor Ralph Cunningham is what we term 1009979 pure radium. Rae clium is the most valuable metal in the world. Professor Curlingham is the most valuable nProf in the world and then some. Prof. Ralph is also the most sen- sible man in the world. for he is the orig- inal booster of Henry Ford. Eminent Erma! at. $61 Hels a good scout? You often hear this expression in any college, but the reason you hear it so much at P. U. is be- cause that title just fits our Professor of Economics. Professor Hall has been unanimously elected the coach of the varsity debating teams next season. Prof. Hall has an A. 13. Degree from Bowdoin. Ernfeaaut 329:: 053mm: Saheaung mSolid logic, another college term. Professor Shesoug is what we term a man made out of nsolid logic, mixed with common sense. good humor, and an understanding of human nature, what more could you ask for. Professor She- song is the head of the law department, and what he doeenlt know about the law wouldn't do anyone much gtmd. Profes- sor Fhesong is a graduate of Colby Col- lege, aucl was very instrumental in plac- ing the truth before mlr Legislature this year, and we may feel safe to risk our troubles with him any day. Brahman: manrite A. $nrist We all appreciate the Fine work done by Professor Morin during his stay here and are all very sorry to know that he will not he with us another year. Professor Morin is a graduate of Bowrloin and had cotii- plete charge of the Prize Speaking Contest. tContinued 011 page 26'J

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PUVIAN A farmer brought some produce to the city and sold it. Thought he, 'Tll sur- prise my wife. He bought a suit of clothes. a hat and a pair of shoes, and put them under the back seat. On his way home he stopped at the river. took off all his old clothes and threw them in. Then he looked under the seat for his new out- Et. They were gone; finally he got into the buggy and said, Gidclap. Maudeh wetll surprise her anyhow? K-Vaiter: hSir, when you eat here you need not dust off thf': plate. Customer: i'Beg pardoutforce habit. I'm an umpire.H 0f hI asked if I could see her home. uWhat did she say? HSaid she?! send me a picture of it. Teacher: ttJohnny, can you tell me what is wrong with this sentence? l'he horse and cow is in the heldl. Johnny: Yes, 1113321111. Ladies should come hrst. t'Dacl, what is the Board of George: Education ? Dad: th611 I went to school it was a pine shingle? The following latter was received re- cently by a large company which manu- factures corn syrup: 'iDeat Sirs: Though I have taken six cams of your corn syrup. my feet are no better now than when 1 started?1 NEEDED ONLY DAY CLOTHES A cattleman bought some handker- chiefs, collars and ties in a department store while on a trip to the city. The young man who had waited on him then I925 25 asked very courteously if he could not-seil him some nightshirts. tiNow, look here, young teller, begun the cattleman very earnestly, 1 d01ft know if you air making fun of me. but herets what I want to tell you: I aintt one of them sassiety chaps what go to dances and recepshuns. When night comes 1 go to bet . My task in lite.n said the pastor, ltcon- sists in saving young men. thh V replied the young maiden, save a nice looking one for me. It was at a recent concert by Sousa's Baud. Said one, 'That teller, Sousa, ailft got no control over his gang. How do you hgger that out ? X-Yhy the minute he quits threatening them with that little Mack stick of his the tellers quit working. Just watch them. Prof.: RDid-Ift opportunity ever knock at your door?!, Student: Yes, but I couldn't open the door.n Prei: Why ? Student: I was taking a. bath. HEARD .KT-SCUUT MEETING First Scout: hI had the worst dream last night? Second Scout: iReally, what was it? First Scout: 'tOh. I dreamed I was eating Shredded Wheat and I woke up and half of the mattress was gone? Very Stout KVoman Who wants to cross the busy tharoughfarey I say, constable, could you see me across the road? Policeman: KVhy, mum, I could see you a mile off.