University of Maine at Portland - Reflection / Umpire Yearbook (Portland, ME)

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THE PUVIAN 2!. lt'i-z anmzk l-VllAT BRADSTREETR RATING WOULD GIVE HIM ON THIS. A young negro came to our ofhee a few days since to open a charge ac count. He answered the usual questions necessary to establish his credit. On lteing asked if he could furnish a good business reference, he nervously replied that he never did anything like that before. Putting his hand in his peeket. he drew out 1111 envelope and said. WW1! that do .w Lipnn examination. it was found to contain a marriage license which he had just procured from the city clerk. -Thp Frrmih- Circle Rimes Brothers Company. A pretty young woman stepped into :1 music shop in the city the other clay. She tripped up to the counter where a 116w clerk was assorting music, and in her sweetest tones asked, Have you 'KiSSed Me in the Moonlight'?,l The clerk turned, looked, and said, tllt must have been the man at the other counter. I have only been here a week. At the junior class meeting the ela'se was discussing the matter of obtaining an orchestra for a dance. Wilson : ll can get a good orchestra for $8.00. Sharpe: llW'hat do you want to :10, hire a vietrola ? At the same meeting, Wilson: t'W'hat is the matter with going out to 31' Dunscmft. Durant: ' I don't want to go out in those jungles. A woman entered a department store recentl-xr and asked 'W'Vhere is the lingerie P DO you mean the rest reimh:w quev tied the salesgirl. In French CEass-Mr. Smith. ex; plaining the translation of the neuter gender: 1 have a grammar, She is tliihcult. Don't get that idea. IT is difficult. It is runmred that Basil Hunt de veloped the Hunt System Of type- writing. lt is not known whether 61' not he discovered llhunting. Deacon Robbins spilled a. story the other day about his inexperience. He said. liOh. we won't upset it. eGir15, ask him yourselves ! ll Asnault was trying to argufy with his auto some time ago. It got very hot, and a committee was appointed to set- tle the argument. After a heated ar- gument with a barrel of mud, the com- mittee won the point. Want AdSr-FOI' Exchange: $85.00 diamond ring for a double-barrel shot gun. . i For Sale: High grade cornetealso shot gun, both for $50.00. In Salesmanship ClasseTeaeher calling toll: Boyle. Two people answered: Here. Teacher; Have we two boils u! here 3 TN ACCOUNTANCY. Hinkley says: All the debits are credit accounts and all Credit Accounts are Dehitsfl It all rlenenrls Hinklev. rm which side at the Dehit the Credit side is mi. Cavmtettef Anvthing that cannot be mnved is a h'lFixed Asset.

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m THE PUVIAN e23 Eluhw anh $tinh5 ea! OH. WHY ! Why is it that 11 certain junior ta girl 1 is accused of robbing the cradle? That CIyde Cotton looks :0 happy lately? That Hill Dotschuckk hair is light in Frnnt? That Ralph Robbins carries a perw fumed kerchief tand it isntt hist? And Sharpe was seen with two one Monday morning. Man tin drug stm'et : HI want some consecrated lye. Druggisl: 'tYou mean concentrated lye? Man: t'It does nutmeg any differ- ence. That's what I camphor. W 113th it sulphur. Druggist: HFifteen scents, I never cinnamon with so much wit.'l Man: ttVVell. I should myrrh myrrh! Yet I ammonia. a novice at it? FEnmhrmge. 'tC-olonel Sharpe says he drank a pint of milk and half a dozen dough- nuts for breakfast the other morning. We are very pleased to see the in- terest of Mr. Smith, out French in- structor. in the school. Mr. Smith is usually to be found in his oHiee almost every week day, including holidays. IN THE ART DEPARTMENT. Custnmer: Please give me pattern. leti-L Miss Connor: j.ust nmasure. please? Custmner: I didn't know you need- ed the bust measure for bloomers. The tCoIc-ne! is a strange salesman. The Other day a salesman called him up 011 the phone t0 still him some schuul materialst and the phone conversation closed with Sharpzfs sening him a space in the school paper. Then a iittle later the Colonel nlmnst goes to sleep in the salesmanship class. SOMETIMES IT 15. Two Florida darkies were watching a balloon ascension. The younger darky looked up at the big bag in amazement anti then said: I wonder what keeps that bavloml up in the air that-aiway? K-Vell? replied the Oldfil' datky, 'tIt is caused by various causes. Some- times it is caused by one cause and then again it is caused by another causefr T111; BURDEN 0F P120019. Advertisement in the ttIdaho Falls Registef': anm': a ladyhs leather handbag left in my car while parked 0n Park Ave- nue two weeks ago. Owner can have same by calling at my ofEce, proving the property and paying for this ad. H she will explain to my wife that I had nothing to do with its being there, I will pay for the adeflarimr. We wonder who told Mr. Smith that McCreacly was a Prohibitiouist. Anonymous. HEARD IN THE ENGLISH CLASS. Cayouette: Ginger pointed sky- warmI : The. point '15....unot so much E't Quimby: HGood .N'foming Aloysius 1

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22 THE PLTYIAN We :mlice that Elmer Small. '24. is living up 1:0 the reputation acquired in 1132,11 schonl-Jthat is. wearing fancy hose. W'ouldxft it be a good idea to ask 'Cutie Dorschuck the telly of his light hair in front. and the rest of his head dark? Teacher in Salesmanship Class: Lincoln said, All men are created equal'. Sharpe Hrom back of romm : they don't stay that way. .1111; J- 3Dyibus kissibus sweet girlorum, Girlibus likibus wanti sumorum, Kissibus ioudibus. wake up poporum. Kickibus hoylhus nut the front doorum, Darkibus nightibus, no lightorum, Climbibus picket fence, breechibns torum. Wieccit is usually a lie-ability. You can always tell a F reshitf' by his green looks and such. You can always tell a. Junior. but you can't tell him much. Politician: 'What makes Congress- men and Senamrs famous ? ' Soldier: Death. ' 'Did you ever hear Colonel Simrpe' sing ?m Yes, he should be with Wagner. WNhy, he's dead 3 q know it. Student: 29in I want permission to be away from school three days after the end of vacaticm Dean; HAh, three more days of grace ! Student: No, sir. three more days of Gertrude. Professor: H'hy. you are so dumb, lazy and thick. that very few girls would ever marry you. Student: Thafs all right: very few would be enough. Ile: We are coming to a tunnel, are ynu afraid? She: No, not if you take tha: pipe out of your mouth. Sweet Young Thing: 51 think the way college men discuss kissing is ter- rible. Snph. hvishing to pleaseE : So do 1... S Y. T.: lfs unhygienic. Soph: qt certainly is. S. Y. T.: And vulgar. Staph: 'Abs0luteiy. 5. Y. T. Miter gazing at him exp pectantly for a few momentsjp : Well, we might as well go in and dance. GExI-zkous WF. Too. Cupper: A policeman died and I am taking up a collection to bury him. Will you give a doilar? Victim: A Dollar to bury a police- man 3 Copper: Yes. Victim: Herefs ten dollars. Bury ten. Irate Mother: 111 teach you to kiss my daughter! inwlent junior: You're. too late. I've learned already. I When l'iellis. was appointed manager of the lunch counter he voiuntcered this information: h01w.- pound of cof- fee will make 175 cups of tea? M r. Shesnng i n Economicsi : hWhen the rent comes due, we nmve. apt h: