University of Maine at Portland - Reflection / Umpire Yearbook (Portland, ME)

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m THE PUVIAN e23 Eluhw anh $tinh5 ea! OH. WHY ! Why is it that 11 certain junior ta girl 1 is accused of robbing the cradle? That CIyde Cotton looks :0 happy lately? That Hill Dotschuckk hair is light in Frnnt? That Ralph Robbins carries a perw fumed kerchief tand it isntt hist? And Sharpe was seen with two one Monday morning. Man tin drug stm'et : HI want some consecrated lye. Druggisl: 'tYou mean concentrated lye? Man: t'It does nutmeg any differ- ence. That's what I camphor. W 113th it sulphur. Druggist: HFifteen scents, I never cinnamon with so much wit.'l Man: ttVVell. I should myrrh myrrh! Yet I ammonia. a novice at it? FEnmhrmge. 'tC-olonel Sharpe says he drank a pint of milk and half a dozen dough- nuts for breakfast the other morning. We are very pleased to see the in- terest of Mr. Smith, out French in- structor. in the school. Mr. Smith is usually to be found in his oHiee almost every week day, including holidays. IN THE ART DEPARTMENT. Custnmer: Please give me pattern. leti-L Miss Connor: j.ust nmasure. please? Custmner: I didn't know you need- ed the bust measure for bloomers. The tCoIc-ne! is a strange salesman. The Other day a salesman called him up 011 the phone t0 still him some schuul materialst and the phone conversation closed with Sharpzfs sening him a space in the school paper. Then a iittle later the Colonel nlmnst goes to sleep in the salesmanship class. SOMETIMES IT 15. Two Florida darkies were watching a balloon ascension. The younger darky looked up at the big bag in amazement anti then said: I wonder what keeps that bavloml up in the air that-aiway? K-Vell? replied the Oldfil' datky, 'tIt is caused by various causes. Some- times it is caused by one cause and then again it is caused by another causefr T111; BURDEN 0F P120019. Advertisement in the ttIdaho Falls Registef': anm': a ladyhs leather handbag left in my car while parked 0n Park Ave- nue two weeks ago. Owner can have same by calling at my ofEce, proving the property and paying for this ad. H she will explain to my wife that I had nothing to do with its being there, I will pay for the adeflarimr. We wonder who told Mr. Smith that McCreacly was a Prohibitiouist. Anonymous. HEARD IN THE ENGLISH CLASS. Cayouette: Ginger pointed sky- warmI : The. point '15....unot so much E't Quimby: HGood .N'foming Aloysius 1

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T 1-1 F. PUYIAN 19 l a: Sparta l as BASKETBALL. All indications point to a successful season this year in basketball. Of course we lost a few men by their leav- ing school, but there seems to he a wealth of material in the Freshman Class. Also there are a few new mem- bers in the Junior Class who give pi-tamise of being a help to the team. Manager Hunt is doing all that he can to produce a strong team. He is planning the erection of an outdoor court so that the teaiti may start prac- tice early this year. This will be much appreciated by the members of the team and shOuId give them a good start before they begin indoor prac- tice. it is very probable that the Port- land lioyst Club uGym wiil be secured for indoor practice. There are three regulars left from last yearls team as follows: Hunt, Stuart and Robbins. Besides these, there are Dorschuck, Wilson. Mc- Garigle. Asnault and Bellis. Without a doubt the Freshman Class has a star in Kenneth Prince. The University probably has other material that is not known. - Captain Asnault has made the state- ment that every man shall have a chance to show what he can do, whether he be a letter-man or not. As this article goes to press, we are told by the manager that a playing schedule has been started. The team will play Gotham Normal Schoal at t'iorham. December 8. Also that he expects to be able: to print the entire schedule in the next issue of this paper. RALPH C. ROBBINS: JIL. '24. FOOTBALL. It has been iinally decided not to have :1 football team represent this school on the gridiron this fall. It seems to us that this is perhaps for the best, as the initial expense of equipping a football team is quite large. This clitl not worry the students much as a call was made for football candidates to turn out, but as there were only eight or nine men out, nothing could be done. The entire stu- clent-hothr seemed eager for a team, but for various reasons some of the stu- dents could not come out. The result was not enough men for a team. My next fall we should have enough money in the hands of the Athletic Association so that there will be no worry over this matter. Also there will be a larger studentvhody from which to pick the material for a team. It was claimed by some that we coultl get started and play one game. In this way, pay our expenses and then play a few more games before the sea- son was over. While this might be ail right, we have our doubts. Foot- ball is the most expensive game for a school to start. It is a good idea not to let one branch of sports get into debt. Each One should be made to pay for itself as in this way they are sure oi money with which to start a season. It is very,r likely that a foot- ball team this fall would have gone in debt. This state of attain; would have handicapped the basketball team ztnd might have handicapped the stal'tlng of a baseball team. Why not start one branch oi major sports each year? Wit: had basketball last year. so why not baseball this year and tnnlhall next? In this way we should have some money with which to start each new team. RALPH C. Ronnms. JIL, '24.

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THE PUVIAN 2!. lt'i-z anmzk l-VllAT BRADSTREETR RATING WOULD GIVE HIM ON THIS. A young negro came to our ofhee a few days since to open a charge ac count. He answered the usual questions necessary to establish his credit. On lteing asked if he could furnish a good business reference, he nervously replied that he never did anything like that before. Putting his hand in his peeket. he drew out 1111 envelope and said. WW1! that do .w Lipnn examination. it was found to contain a marriage license which he had just procured from the city clerk. -Thp Frrmih- Circle Rimes Brothers Company. A pretty young woman stepped into :1 music shop in the city the other clay. She tripped up to the counter where a 116w clerk was assorting music, and in her sweetest tones asked, Have you 'KiSSed Me in the Moonlight'?,l The clerk turned, looked, and said, tllt must have been the man at the other counter. I have only been here a week. At the junior class meeting the ela'se was discussing the matter of obtaining an orchestra for a dance. Wilson : ll can get a good orchestra for $8.00. Sharpe: llW'hat do you want to :10, hire a vietrola ? At the same meeting, Wilson: t'W'hat is the matter with going out to 31' Dunscmft. Durant: ' I don't want to go out in those jungles. A woman entered a department store recentl-xr and asked 'W'Vhere is the lingerie P DO you mean the rest reimh:w quev tied the salesgirl. In French CEass-Mr. Smith. ex; plaining the translation of the neuter gender: 1 have a grammar, She is tliihcult. Don't get that idea. IT is difficult. It is runmred that Basil Hunt de veloped the Hunt System Of type- writing. lt is not known whether 61' not he discovered llhunting. Deacon Robbins spilled a. story the other day about his inexperience. He said. liOh. we won't upset it. eGir15, ask him yourselves ! ll Asnault was trying to argufy with his auto some time ago. It got very hot, and a committee was appointed to set- tle the argument. After a heated ar- gument with a barrel of mud, the com- mittee won the point. Want AdSr-FOI' Exchange: $85.00 diamond ring for a double-barrel shot gun. . i For Sale: High grade cornetealso shot gun, both for $50.00. In Salesmanship ClasseTeaeher calling toll: Boyle. Two people answered: Here. Teacher; Have we two boils u! here 3 TN ACCOUNTANCY. Hinkley says: All the debits are credit accounts and all Credit Accounts are Dehitsfl It all rlenenrls Hinklev. rm which side at the Dehit the Credit side is mi. Cavmtettef Anvthing that cannot be mnved is a h'lFixed Asset.