University of Iowa - Hawkeye Yearbook (Iowa City, IA)

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Women Remaining Single 1960 1970 Ages 20-24 28.495 35.45 Ages 25-29 10.596 10.596 Men Remaining Single Ages 20-24 53.1 Z 54.7Z Ages 25-29 20.82 19.12 1976 42.621 14.895 62.1 96 24.995 Source: U.S. Bureau of Census, March 1976 . fp 1 I M L, ,- 1 I i Pushes, pulls-the single struggle Notice that youire the only one without a ring the last time you got together with friends? Or that y0u're getting fewer invi- tations to those get-to-gethers? Did Mom ask if yould thought about marrying that nice man you were seeing the last time you called home? Whatever form it takes, the push toward marriage is a factor that singles have to deal with, according to Harriet Shaklee, UI professor of psychology. Shaklee, who does research on sex dif- ferences, noted that this pressure exists for both men and women -that it is a myth that men only want relationships for sex- ual intercourse. But sociology professor Karen Polonko noted, as Bernard Ca well-known re- searcherj has said, marriage has a lot more advantages for men than women. Polonko explained that research shows that singlehood is a more positive state for women than men. Women who remain single voluntarily tend to be high achievers and mentally healthy, but the opposite is true for men, she said. The data also suggests that single ver- sus married women rate higher on all psy- chological tests, having less depression, headaches, etc., Polonko said. According to Shaklee, there are several ages at which the 'fl should be married feeling hits even those women who value their careers or who plan to remain single. The first stage occurs around high school graduation, the second in the late 20s, and the third around age 35. She describes these as points where people make deci- sions with long-term implications on their life situations. Shaklee noted that individual times of pressure towards marriage may vary, in- creasing, for example, when one of a pair of lovers is leaving town fthe one leaving may want to take a security persons' with him or her, or if a woman gets pregnant. Polonko said that the ages of 28-32 seem to be the most difficult for most adults, involving a lot of turmoil and re-evalua- tion, problems at work or job choices . . f' Men and women who remain single would seem to agree with these evaluations IMarriage and Family Review, JulyfAu- gust 1978, Peter Steinj, reporting 30-34 as the most difficult years. Polonko said peo- ple may believe this because they start to regard their living arrangements as perma- nent when they reach 30. More people have been remaining single . . . it is a myth that men only want relationships for sexual intercourse. or putting off marriage since the late 1960s, Polonko said. She noted that re- search on the subject is limited because there is little done on the Htopology of singlehood,' Qwho is seperated, divorced, widowed or simply never marriedj. Polonko reported that surveys show that 10 percent of people now in their 20s plan to remain single their whole life Cwhile only 5 percent of the people in their 40s and 50s are single nowj. ' The reasons for this trend are varied. In his book Love, Sex and Marriage Through the Ages, Bernard I. Murstein reports that growth in the 'cult of -the individualf changes in women's roles fto include work- ingj, and the idea of marital choicef, have encouraged the trend towards singlehood. If the fplusses and minusesj donit bal- ance out or have more on the advantage side, people go back on the marriage mart - so they're always keeping themselves prepared, he said. He said that this kind of marriage Qnot a security blanketj is of- ten questioned before people go into it. Peter Stein, in i'The Lifestyles and Life Changes of the Never-Married, gives six reasons for the popularity of the single lifestyle. These include higher education and increased career opportunities for women, the impact of the women's move- ment on general attitudes, birth control Creadily availablej, the Baby Boom Qmore women than men available in that age groupj, the ease with which singles can have an active social and sexual life, and the increasing divorce rate Cleading people to question marriagej. Higher education and more career op- portunities might not seem to automatical- ly cause an increase in singlehood, but ac- cording to Polonko, they do - for two reasons. It teducationj not only gives women more alternatives of what to do with her life, she said, but studies show that the higher the intelligance, occupa- tion and income for a woman, the more likely she'll stay single. This is not just because she has an enormous amount of autonomy and a ca- reer to give up fas may occur in a tradi- tional marriage where the male has the primary incomejf she continued, but be- cause on the marriage market, it is 'OK' for a man to marry his equal or lower, but not to marry up. So the further a woman advances, the fewer the men who are avail- able as partners to her if she wanted to marryf'

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ill Temporary housing at the UI is no joy ride for any- one. Students sardined,' into dorm lounges were all out by October. For most, it couldn't have come too soon. Leslie Baldwin opts for Greek living at the Gamma Phi Beta house. Answering the phone for 55 other housemates is one responsibility everyone shares. much be here without going out to do thingsf, Along with the demands, being an R.A. also has benefits. Lammers has a triple room to herself, where she has space not only for her rocking chair and sofa, but for parking her bicycle in the corner. She also enjoys her relationship with her girls. Being an R.A., you meet a lot of different peoplef, she said. And it forces you to improve yourself, because you know there are people watching you. The UI,s housing crisis, in fact, has forced a lot of students to do things they never thought they could do before. But somehow, they have done it. At least until next year, they can rest assured that they have answered the question that every up- perclassman had to face. I Chris Zinger

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7 1 - l pu-1 l I think that, in general, is true, tant to list the reasons why it's good to be Dan Eakins, 20, a UI freshman, said. But ifI meet a woman who has a better job or earns more money than I do, it'd be just fine. I know guys who won't let their wives work at that kind of job, but to support a family today, I think you need both par- ents working. In his article, Stein cites advantages or pulls to single life as reported by singles - freedom fto travel, etc.j, enjoyment, psychological autonomy, friendships, per- sonal development and enjoyable sexual experiences. In moments when loneliness or outside pressure mount, Polonko said it's impor- single and why you enjoy it. Kathy Reeves, 24, a broadcast and film student, said that if she's really discour- aged, it's easier to look at what you've got now, and what you miss in not being mar- ried. I point out to myself that I couldnlt go to college, where I wanted or have a ca- reer, because men are still considered the breadwinners. If you had to relocate, he'd probably throw 'Why bother, at you, be- cause he sees himself as the main income, Reeves explained. Shaklee said that it's normal for pres- sure from peers or parents - or your own expectations - to result in disappoint- ment, depression or anger at being pushed. She listed several ways to deal with these emotions. Label a push as a push and recognize that the 'you too, routes for hap- piness don't always work. Remember that you simply can't take all the stress out seeing your parents. Their views are going to be different than your's on many things. Loneliness is not an uncommon motive that urges people on toward a marriage they may not want if they were surrounded by family or friends, Ruth S. Cavan said in American Marriage: A Way of Life, Escape marriages start with a handicap, Cavan continued. 'iUsually, the normal development of companionship and love before a marriage is lacking .... ll Of course, the choice is not to simply fight back and not get married, or to give in and get married immediately. There are other ways to deal with the pres- sure. Sue Ratkiewicz, 21, a nutrician and diet student, tells herself, 'ifirst things first. I came to Iowa City to learn, so I could have a good career - not to get married. May- be later. Eakins agreed. While women seem more worried about getting married, when we Cmenj start losing our buddies to wives, we think about it, too. You start thinking that if you don't get married now, you never will. But I still intend to finish col- lege first. - Dana Sonnenschein MARRIAGE -' it V i iggiparenoes if -P05505 fcllffl-'mf Hegafivesf. ,V 'I . 1 f ii' rnarital sftuafioI1Q j. i single or return to itll i V , j V V fziftracrions to potential situarionsj: . Q Qffjglftckfof friends, isolation, 2 I' 7j.gearee5f.eppo1ftugitieS and development I V socialization- 5 V -.Vp approval of parents I jf Zlonelmess ' i K t'-'s availability ofsexual experiences pressure from parents desire to leave home loneliness fear of independence no knowledge or perception V of alternatives job availabilty, wages promotions ' social policies of favoring the married and responses 2 of social institutions ' ' , example of peers romanticization of marriage physical attraction love, emotional attachment security, social status, social prestige legitimization of sexual experiences . ' 'desire for children ad family V ., L restricted availabilty of l new experiences suffocating one-to-one relationship, feeling trapped obstacles to self-development boredom, unhappiness, anger role-playing and conformity to expectations ' exciting lifestyle, variety of V experience, freedom to change . psychological and social autonomy, self-sufliency support structuresg sustaining friend- ships, wonierfs and men's groups, political groups, therapists groups, collegial groups . .poor communications with mate j ,V V i .V ij .Q sexual .frustration Liestyles and Life Peter Stein? C