University High School - Tower Yearbook (Carbondale, IL)

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his scroll, found alongside this tragic one, was a little startling, for we did not know that we had a real campus villain. Confessions of the Campus Dragon By RALPH FOLEY I am not a villain at heartg in fact, when I was in swaddling clothes my mind was as pure as any babe-in-arms. It seemed that my ability to stare long and pensively at an object for an embarrassing length of time eventually catalogued me into the John Gilbert class. It might be disillusioning, but it's true that near-sightedness brought about this catastrophe, until the reputation hung itself upon me, and I was forced to live up to the name of being the small-town sheik. Very young girls looked at me aghast, and men treated me with envious respect. I took myself seriously. I read every- thing I could on How to Have a Wonderful Personality in Six Weeks, Valentino's Life, How to Get Personal Magnetism, andveven talked to Ernie Sorgen on how to be the best-dressed man. Now I have hearts within my hands crushing them just to hear them break! I make girls cry just to see them mar their beauty. I live on the life blood of people's hearts. And looking back, I cannot say I am sorry for my life, but as Ogden Nash puts it: When I consider how my life was spent 1 hardly see what I could repent. eside two tombs bearing the names Fount Warren and Lyle Robinson, we found this inscription: Secret Duel Revealed The reason for these tragic deaths has no secrecy about it. All S. I. N. U. knows that these two men met their untimely deaths for the sake of honor. Fount Warren, while in the midst of students home from other universities, was heard to announce that he had the most beautiful girl in the world-certainly the prettiest blonde in Car- bondale. Lyle Robinson, who, with others, had chosen this pinnacle of fame for Maureen Webb, immediately challenged him to a duel. Neither had weapons, howeverg neither guns, nor swords, nor rapiers. It seemed that a physical combat was impossible until Verle Monicle suggested throwing cream puffs at forty paces. This seemed a truly rich idea, so seconds were chosen-Wilbur Hatfield, William Wolff, Dick Watson, and John Lashly. After throwing nine hundred pastry puffs, the boys were so tired and so filled up from unconsciously swallowing those parts which hit in the vicinity of their mouths, that they both dropped dead. The double tragedy of it all came with the news that, while these boys nobly established one of these girls as the queen of blondes of Carbon- dale, both girls had dyed their hair a jet black. Two Hundrrd Fuurl: ' ' .fi . if x NP . I- K' I . rj. x ff Qi 4' ,., 1'-i'. !!'1-naip41l'Ill'1. il Ili ..-.dnl - 0... .. .4 . . -7

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, I ' -av 3 .g 1' , l ,H r 4 T., :ll .. ' Q ' 5 -3 Q dt, t J i i 1 A 'yi NK , I j.g li i: ' ' 7 6 ' ' I x . , 'iii E X l . 41,1 I 1 J ill 1' -at-iff r- A' I' ' ' Hr A m 5 me-. -- -we-A .M . f if - . ' 'L '- If i ' .- ' l 'Fx ,.-4.-..-. ' . n .i1 -:'1'If'i -neu J his mummy case is so full of stunning truths that one should call this a confessional, anyway these facts may have been buried, but we delight inbringing them ta the lime- light. So here the trials of being the idol of the public have been revealed : Trials of An Actor By LEO BROWN First, I found the ladder of fame rather slippery, for each time I slipped, I felt I would never rise again. Now, I am at Fame's Pinnacle, and I reached it by my own merits alone. I owe my fame-not to Palmolive Shaving Cream, nor any of your other advertised objects, but to a spanking. . The spanking was inflicted by my father. One day he called me into his private office-no smile answering my wavering one. Good grades, son? Excellent, I answered. School good? Irreproachable, I replied. Girl? Oh, no, blushing. Spend money? Absolutely not. No vices? No, I am a good boy, fatherf, So he spanked me soundly. I did not cry. I stood absolutely motionless. My father also seemed motionless and a bit stunned. Doesn't that hurt? Yes, father. Aren't you lying to me about all this other? Most assuredly. And you can stand there and act so innocently? Beautifully, was my final response. So from then on, my father knew that I was cut out to be an actor, giving me his every support. But the public didn't seem to appreciate me. Finally I got into Strut and Fret, yet my publicity was only of one line variety. Then I got my chance in the Royal Family. Even President Shryock spoke to me in reverent tones, all the best min- isters asked me to their churches. Salesmen rushed down upon me to advertise their products, but I remained adamant. It is said I am second to Lindbergh, now, as America's model young man. Two Hundred Thirteen by -. -. - -f . It W ug-Q . i s 'isis' .. x 1 -IQ? swavwtal V.: J My

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ictor Herbert would have. probably been grateful if he had found what we found: How to Write a Comic Opera By JANE RICHARDSON, MARC GREEN AND KENDALL FUGATE First, select your group of prettiest girls, then assure them that they are to wear veils and very long dresses. Next, select a director, but let him realize that in no way will his name be known, or his art lauded-his work is only a gift to humanity. Borrow clothes and costumes from the best known stores, but fail to mention the fact in the programs to avoid any professional jealousy between merchants. Have no main partsg let each one realize he is unimportant. When the cast is all selected, then break the news that the play must be written. Take it word by word from some well-known play, so you won't be charged with plagiarism, and rename it Scarlet Letters, or The Shreikf' Start the production out with some such song as: You're the star in my horizon My chief constellation, You're the flaming meteor Which sent my heart afire. Would I could be with you Always mounting for you higher and higher. At least three people should die in the first act, providing more die in the second to keep from having an anti-climax. Have a dramatic scene of a man shooting the other man, or the mother with little Heva, flying across the ice. Each person in the audience should cry at least five tears to make the play a real success. It would be some- thing new and different if free towels would be presented at this time. W End the play with a hot novelty chorus like: You magnetized You hypnotized You ravanized Me, little star. Stars may be steady But Pm all heady Cause you fell for me. Repeat until all the audience has departed. One chorus will suffice. Two Hundred Fifteen M.v..V- as H - h-v ..?.....i... ni? E swam all M as . ' '45 'W 'N' i, 5 0 ' '- A if O, g,i , , i f ' llli' . RL, A .1-V ' -' 'ii' 'Q i i fl, .. r 4 1- 1 1' ,Q '.' , , , --. , ' -, - . i i t .1- ' i 1 We , ,.., - .. ww .v - '17 ' : ' f 1 P . ' . rg ' ' 'r. -- 4. ' .V-' 3 A J, ' . , , - 5 . -' H , f t 1, pst' Wi i xl L. 4 , .. gi A.. A' .. -f - f i fl ., 1 ' lf- . ' ' 'Q-own-fu ly., ,rf its-J' , A Q .