University of California Irvine - Cortex Yearbook (Irvine, CA)

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THE PHILADELPHIA KID BEWARE YE STUDENTS FAR AND NEA R.- LARRY WELLIKSON IS HERE. AND IF BEFORE YOU HAD NO DREAD; WELCOME TO INTERNAL MED. HE DOESN ' T EXPECT TOO MUCH FROM YOU; JUST A LITTLE WORK TO DO. YOUR PATIENT LOAD IS SIX YOU SAY; YOU ' LL HAVE TO PICK UP 10 TODAY. AND IF YOU BE ON CALL TONIGHT- SIX WORKUPS OUGHT TO BE JUST RIGHT. AND WHEN THE SUN DOES ARISE; YOU WIPE THE GRAM STAIN FROM YOU EYES. YOU ' LL HAVE READ, OH JUST FOR FUN; FIVE CHAPTERS, IN DEPTH FROM HARRISON. FOR WHILE YOU SLEEP YOU CANNOT LEARN; SO ON YOUR FEET YOUR GRADE YOU ' LL EARN. AND IF AT NOON HE SEES YOU NOT; YOURS WILL BE A SAD, SAD LOT. SO GO TO CONFERENCE EVERYDAY; YOU NEED THE SLEEP, ANYWAY. -STAN RETURNING THE FAVOR- WHEN I WAS A STUDENT I BITCHED AND CRIED, NEVER PLEASING THE STAFF NO MATTER WHAT I TRIED. I CLAIMED STUDENT BRUTALITY AT EVERY TURN THEY RETORTED TO ME YOU ' RE NOT TRYING TO LEARN. SO WHAT HAS HAPPENED I STILL HEAR MY CRIES. AS THE YEARS HAVE PASSED I HAVE METAMORPHISIZED. ONE FINE DAY IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM To start at eight, arrive at noon. Even then it ' s still too soon. The box is empty, sit and wait, My need for sleep I cannot sate. Drink some coffee, read a book, Then over at the box I look. At last a patient has arrived: A drunk who has to be revived. Next a woman who ' s been bleeding, A man who fainted at a meeting, A three-inch facial laceration, A Crohn ' s disease exacerbation. Now a real red hot belly Sudden onset watching telly; Palpation he will not permit. Call the ward team, must admit. Then an OD started swearing, But nobody is really caring. Cut by glass while drinking milk? Fix it up with 4-0 silk. I check the box, it ' s overflowing. Can ' t stop to breathe the way it ' s going, Get some urine, draw some blood, They ' re pouring in, can ' t stop the flood, Do ' a gram stain, spin a crit, Another epileptic fit, A tender knee with large effusion, A supracondylar contusion. Here ' s an old familiar gomer Claiming that he broke his vomer. A lady with a dislocation, A foreign body aspiration, A swollen foot, a tender toe. In haled soot, two cuts to sew. Order X-rays, find a nurse, The man in M-5 ' s getting worse. Need some help, the intern ' s gone, It must be getting close to dawn; Up towards the clock my eyes do climb, Oh no! It ' s only dinner time. Eric Johnson UCI 3 4 r ,

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RICHARD MARGOLIN AB, PSYCHOBIOLOGY, HARVARD CEP, SPEAKERS PROGRAM. AMA, CMA, AMSA. 3 YR PROGRAM NEUROLOGY AND PSYCHIATRY ■« LARRY SCHACHT UC BERKELEY 3 YR PROGRAM INTERNAL MEDICINE [ DRS. GUILLAIN AND BARRE? e 44

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X-RAY ROUNDS AT UCIMC