University of California Berkeley - Blue and Gold Yearbook (Berkeley, CA)

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THE BLUE AND GOLD 153 O ' errun with bile the glucose of my spleen, And twist my stomach as a kitchen mop. (Looks in the glass.) What, not yet dead ! how can it be 1 The pain continues but the dose was small. Methinks the poison has been neutralized By potent juices from my beastly gall. The Fates forbid that I should die. So I will go and pack up my valise. To Berkeley then, eternally Good bye ! From all thy cares I now will find release. (Exit) SCENE VII. Ladies, Room, South Hall. Cleo. O woe the day that I that paper rolled And gently laid it on my bureau there ! Woe that it should get mixed with those that hold The curling tresses of my sable hair ! (Enter Mardian. ) Mard. Mistress, I have done as thou desired, And told thy Antony that thou wert dead. He acted in a way that made me tired, And also made me wish to punch his head. I left, and came direct to find you here, Except I stopped to play a game of pool, When news was brought me that your lover dear Had suicided like a measly fool. Cleo. Dead ! dead !! O can it be That Antony ' s expired ? That I no more shall see T he man I so admired ? I never knew his love Till Dr. Sternberg ' s lecture, When all the room was dark The rest you can conjecture. Life has no charms for me I ' d welcome Death ' s cold shivers ; It comes, and I am free ! (Calling. ) Rivers ! Rivers ! ! Rivers ! ! ! (Enter Rivers.) Rivers. Who calls me name ! speak quick, I pray ! Ah ! was it you ? As I was a

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152 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA And go and sit upon the grass and eat In Co-ed Canon, and let Bonte slay me. But no. I ' d bleed and spoil this borrowed shirt. A happy thought now agitates my cerebrum ! Eros, come hither ! Eros, quick ! Eros, I say ! (Enter Eros.) Eros. Ah gentle mate, prythee dilate And tell me why this hullabaloo ? Antony. Good fellow, I much want to die, And you shall see me do it, too, So haste away, to Mackin ' s stray, And bring me back a doughnut quick. Eros. No cash have I, how can I buy ? Antony. Go rascal ! get the thing on tick. (Exit Eros,) SCENE VI. The same. Antony. It seems almost an age since Eros went. The agony that racks my soul Equals in violence the torture of an hour ' s Assembly Lecture on Pure Mathematics. Methinks he comes ! (Enter Eros.) But why so green and pale ? Why inward presses he the bottom of his vest ? Speak, I charge thee ! why this change 1 Eros. Room-mate, farewell ! I could not bear To see thy death, and so 1 ate The greater segment of the doughnut there. Farewell to all I love and hate ! No more I ' ll bulldoze, cram, and bum. Forefathers, hail ! Satan, I come ! (Dies.) Antony. Ah ! Eros, thou hast taught me how to die. A third of that there doughnut yet remains ; Come let me clutch thee ! (Picks it up.) Would that thou wert pie ! (Eats.) Death is upon me ! Jingo, what pains ! Rack, pain ; rack, and crack my diaphragm ! Rage, thou dyspeptic hurricanes ! Ye tidal waves of misery o ' er my abdomen sweep ! t.

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154 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA Cleo. Good fellow, pause right where you are ! I have no time to-day to give An hour or two to hear you talk. I do not want to hear about Your crabs, or bugs, or rhizopods. So haste, and bring to me a snake Or I will squelch thee, by the Gods ! Rivers. What wouldst thou do if I refuse 1 Cleo. I ' ll tell your wife you mash the girls. Rivers. I ' ll do as you desire. Behold, I go ! (Exit Rivers.) Cleo. I wish my Charmian were by my side, But she has gone to get a longer dress: Ah Rivers, back again ! (Re-enter Rivers.) Rivers. My lady, I Have brought a creepy-crawley wretch, A sleeky, slippery, slimy snake. One that will make a shudder pass Adown your back, to look upon. Its name is if I don ' t mistake The snakus aquce, water snake. Cleo. Then give it to me and begone. (Takes snake. Exit Rivers.) (To the snake.) Come thou horrid, scaly creature, Emblem of my every teacher, Kiss these lips that used to hover, Near the moustache of my lover. ' ' With thy sharp teeth this knot intrmsicate Of life at once untie ! O couldst thou speak That I might hear thee call great Csesar Ou-u-u- (Cleopatra yawns. The snake jumps down her throat. She gives a piercing shriek. Enter Ccesar Smith. ) Ccesar. Thank Heaven ! I came not a moment too soon To do for this dame an unspeakable boon. (Grabs tail of snake just as it is disappearing, draws the -writhing reptile forth, and chucks it to the floor. ) Cleo. O sir, 1 thank you so For what you ' ve done for me ! I should have died, I know, That I, myself, can see. Cmsar. Yes Miss ; for if that snake Should in your stomach crawl,