University of Arizona - Desert Yearbook (Tucson, AZ)

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IS To One ' s Health IK UNVER9TY Of MBZOMA COUNTRY CLUB MerrbenNp Card WILDCAT, WILBUR 000001 fc I UA Cortry ebb jnd 6 otfittpd lo thr pn4e(n of Satire 17

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ampus Life Hazardous As the sound of workers drilling through the sidewalk pierces the air at 9:00 a.m., the realiza- tion that school has already started is accompa- nied by the realization that my alarm never went off and my 8:00 a.m. chemistry lecture is over. Jumping out of bed becomes easy at this point; it is only after standing up that the hang- over from a late night at Dirtbags sets in. Oh, that cold shower feels so good until someone flushes the toilet and scalding hot water pelts my face. However, after all these minor mis- haps end and the clock strikes 10:00 a.m., I am ready for my third class of the day. While racing across campus on my metallic green and orange moped, I ask myself, What else can go wrong? Unfortunately this question is answered after entering psychol- ogy and finding a pop quiz shar- ing the seat with me. After bomb- ing the quiz and spending the rest of class watching the beautiful girl in the fourth seat of the third row, the clock finally strikes 10:50 a.m. and I exit the classroom for lunch at Louie ' s Lower Level. While standing outside the building, I stare in shock at the hulking figure who is speeding away on my metallic green and orange moped. Although I am upset, I figure nothing else can possibly go wrong and I continue to head for Louie ' s over at the Student Union. As I walk across the mall, I step in a fresh pile left by the golden retriever who was playing fris- bee earlier. I mysteriously begin to lose my appe- tite and decide to go to the third floor of the library instead, and scam on the gorgeous chicks. I enter the library and, walking upstairs, I spot a group of friends sharing a table. As my excited cries are muffled by the librarian ' s hand against my mouth, I see that I passed the third floor and am on the fifth floor instead. This inspires me to gladly accept the librarian ' s re- quest to leave and on the way downstairs, I write to Dr. Laird, asking him why I decided to go to college anyway. On the way out the door, the aroma of a cheeseburger catches my nose, and the girl who is eating it catches my eye. I ask her to join me at Louie ' s, but she tells me that she has to clip her toenails, so I go by myself. Unbelievably, everything goes well as I walk toward the Student Union. I manage to make it across the mall without problems and enter the front door and walk down to Louie ' s. A scrump- tious meal of a dry roast beef sandwich and a five-day-old piece of peach pie in- stantly fills me with energy, and I run up the stairs J? w, t o the second floor and exit out to the arcade. Be- fore I know it, my exhuberation turns into a fren- zy as I am at- tacked by a dozen religious fanatics, and band mem- bers, trying to shove literature in my face. I decide to make a fast get-a-way and end up plowing down a little girl. After making a beeline to my dorm, I feel tired and decide to take a nap before the 7:00 p.m. date with the girl in my psychology class. I quickly enter dreamland and remain asleep un- til I hear the phone ringing at 8:30 p.m. I decide not to answer it and instead get dressed for an- other late night at Dirtbags. 1) The sight of flashing lights in the rearview mirror of one ' s moped at 8:00 a.m. is one indication the day is not off to a good start. 2) All of life ' s necessities are present for this student as he soaks up rays outside the mall, reads the WILDCAT, and listens to a friendly statue compose his favorite song. 16 Satire i

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L ibraries ' Versatility 1) A little shut-eye is all that Kevin Rattigan needs as he relaxes in a pair of the library ' s plush chairs. 2) Research, a major function of the library, becomes common-hat to Alfred Ri- vera. 3) Studying in the library seems to provide the night atmosphere for Scott Neff as some- thing other than his book catches his eye. 4) UA students have options in libraries with the main, Law, Medical, along with the science library, shown here, since they are all so accessible. THE UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA COUNTRY CLUB Membership Card WILDCAT, WILBUR 000001 K d U A Country CUb member n good starving and rs entitled to the privileges of memhersUp signature