University of Arizona - Desert Yearbook (Tucson, AZ)

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Day, What The Doctor Ordered? The sound of the Beatles singing Here Comes the Sun on the clock radio wakens me at 6:45 a.m., leaving me plenty of time for a hot shower, breakfast at El Pueblo and a quick re- view session over notes for my nuclear engineer- ing quiz. After arriving at class 10 minutes early in order to assure myself a front-row seat, I study more and greet the professor as he walks through the door at precisely 8:00 a.m. Upon acing the test, I ask the girl next to me out to lunch, and we decide to meet at the Union Club at noon. Soon the clock strikes 8:50, and I pro- ceed to my 9:00 a.m. chemistry discussion. Entering the classroom, I once again take a seat in the front-row and personally greet the professor as he walks through the lab door. As class starts he asks, Does anybody know exact- ly what dextrorotatory is? Being the first one to raise my hand, I reply, It is simply a term used to label a chiral mole- cule that rotates the plane of polarization of plane-polarized light to the right. My answer inspires the professor to excuse me from the rest of that day ' s class, but I gra- ciously refuse, not wanting to miss a single word he utters. As chemistry ends, I head over to the math building for my calculus class. When class starts, I am once again seated in the front-row and answering every question that the professor dares throw at me. However, T he Fundamental Theory of Calculus soon begins to bore me so I pull my copy of War and Peace out of my backpack and read it for the third time. Before I know it, the clock shows 10:50 and I head for the library to study before lunch. After studying for 45 minutes, I walk towards the Student Union and arrive at the Union Club exactly five minutes early. My date arrives pre- ... I study more and greet the professor as he walks through the door . . . cisely at noon, and we study for next month ' s midterm while we wait for our food. Lunch goes well. My date heads back to class while I go back to my dorm and read Adam Smith ' s Wealth of Nations for the fourth time. I am completely absorbed in the text until 6:00 p.m. when hunger pangs begin to set in. So, I hop in my 1973 VW Bug and drive to Lunt Avenue Marble Club and dine on lasagna and a glass of Blue Nun. After that hearty meal, I drive back to my room and do another hour of studying. Soon the clock reads 9:00 p.m. and I decide to go to sleep in order to be fresh the next morning. Suddenly the sound of workers drilling through the sidewalk awakens me and I realize this day was only a dream. Thank God. 1) The prescribed day includes an allotted time for the opposite sex. 2) Even with the dullest of lectures, much worthwhile information is offered and finds its place on the perfect student ' s note paper. 3) A casual experiment adds to the well-rounded day. Satire 15

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Irt UMVERSITY Of VRIZONA COUNTRY ClUB Membefship Card WILDCAT, WILBUR 000001 K a U A Coutfry Club member in good siandng and is entitled to the privileges of membership R rescribed 14 Satire

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ampus Life Hazardous As the sound of workers drilling through the sidewalk pierces the air at 9:00 a.m., the realiza- tion that school has already started is accompa- nied by the realization that my alarm never went off and my 8:00 a.m. chemistry lecture is over. Jumping out of bed becomes easy at this point; it is only after standing up that the hang- over from a late night at Dirtbags sets in. Oh, that cold shower feels so good until someone flushes the toilet and scalding hot water pelts my face. However, after all these minor mis- haps end and the clock strikes 10:00 a.m., I am ready for my third class of the day. While racing across campus on my metallic green and orange moped, I ask myself, What else can go wrong? Unfortunately this question is answered after entering psychol- ogy and finding a pop quiz shar- ing the seat with me. After bomb- ing the quiz and spending the rest of class watching the beautiful girl in the fourth seat of the third row, the clock finally strikes 10:50 a.m. and I exit the classroom for lunch at Louie ' s Lower Level. While standing outside the building, I stare in shock at the hulking figure who is speeding away on my metallic green and orange moped. Although I am upset, I figure nothing else can possibly go wrong and I continue to head for Louie ' s over at the Student Union. As I walk across the mall, I step in a fresh pile left by the golden retriever who was playing fris- bee earlier. I mysteriously begin to lose my appe- tite and decide to go to the third floor of the library instead, and scam on the gorgeous chicks. I enter the library and, walking upstairs, I spot a group of friends sharing a table. As my excited cries are muffled by the librarian ' s hand against my mouth, I see that I passed the third floor and am on the fifth floor instead. This inspires me to gladly accept the librarian ' s re- quest to leave and on the way downstairs, I write to Dr. Laird, asking him why I decided to go to college anyway. On the way out the door, the aroma of a cheeseburger catches my nose, and the girl who is eating it catches my eye. I ask her to join me at Louie ' s, but she tells me that she has to clip her toenails, so I go by myself. Unbelievably, everything goes well as I walk toward the Student Union. I manage to make it across the mall without problems and enter the front door and walk down to Louie ' s. A scrump- tious meal of a dry roast beef sandwich and a five-day-old piece of peach pie in- stantly fills me with energy, and I run up the stairs J? w, t o the second floor and exit out to the arcade. Be- fore I know it, my exhuberation turns into a fren- zy as I am at- tacked by a dozen religious fanatics, and band mem- bers, trying to shove literature in my face. I decide to make a fast get-a-way and end up plowing down a little girl. After making a beeline to my dorm, I feel tired and decide to take a nap before the 7:00 p.m. date with the girl in my psychology class. I quickly enter dreamland and remain asleep un- til I hear the phone ringing at 8:30 p.m. I decide not to answer it and instead get dressed for an- other late night at Dirtbags. 1) The sight of flashing lights in the rearview mirror of one ' s moped at 8:00 a.m. is one indication the day is not off to a good start. 2) All of life ' s necessities are present for this student as he soaks up rays outside the mall, reads the WILDCAT, and listens to a friendly statue compose his favorite song. 16 Satire i