Uintah High School - Uintahn Yearbook (Vernal, UT)

Page 10 text:

Crime Report DEER WRECK Dear Jan A fast moving deer, belonging to the Uintah Fish and Game, collided with an auto on the comer of Vernal Ave. and 2500 South last night. Dr. Oscar- son lost all hope for the deer after a grueling 10 minutes of intense surgery. EMT’s reported that the liver and heart were missing when they arrived. Name of the deer is being withheld pending notification of next of kin. The car was reported unharmed. Entertainment Ramblerettes celebrate performance prior to vicious attack. Ramblerettes Are Attacked Ramblerettes attacked after com- mand performance. The only clues given were profanities being mumbled by the battered Ramblerettes; some- thing to the effect of “You ets! You ets!” In an unrelated incident the body of a Mr. Gary Temple was found beneath Polo Team Schedule POLO TEAM SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED PROVO ..Nov. 17 TIMPV1EW ... Feb. 3 MT VIEW .. Nov. 30 LAKE VIEW Dec 10 REAR VIEW ...June 6 SCENIC VIEW Dec 14 DISTORTED VIEW Cancelled AERIAL VIEW Dec 25 the bleachers of the football field. No witnesses have yet been found. The only evidence was severe flag punc- ture wounds in his chest, and a piece of recording tape wrapped around his neck. Happy Harold Hopla is no longer happy. It appears that someone broke into his room stealing everything from a College Prep English test to a stale doughnut left in his drawer. A baffled Mr. Hopla told reporters. I just don't understand. I check everything in this room to make sure it’s locked up. sometimes even 3 or 4 times. Someone must have copies for my keys. I HE KEYING NUN IN CONCERT LIVE AT THE LAST CHANCE coming attractions • ROBERT SCHULTZ” and the Copenhagen Cowboys T The Burritto Brothers” featuring their new hit, POOR LITTLE BLACK BOY Henry Searches for a New Heavy Weight Wrestler to Lead Team DEAR JAN: I wanted to run for student body pres, but my name isn't Calvin! What should Ido? Alvin Shmuck DEAR SHMUCK: Change your name fool! DEAR JAN: I've asked eight guys to Saddie Haw- kins. 3 are going hunting. 2 of their Grandmothers died, and the other 3 need to wash their hair, what should 1 do? Desperate Soph DEAR DESPERATE: Have you considered asking your brother? DEAR JAN: Everytimc I walk down the hall some- one always flips my dress up and yells. It’s dress-up day.” Is there some- thing I can do? Wcaring-Pants-Now DEAR PANTS: Have you tried stapeling your dress to your pantyhose? DEAR JAN: I'm in love with an older man. I've waited too long for this. Is it too late to teach an old dog new tricks? Signed Mae Kay DEAR MAE KAY: Are you kidding? didn't she? Today’s Marriages Ray D. Aider to Rhea Tard Elmer Sklue to Sue Age Mel Odious to Bette Wetter X.O. Verrisi to Helen Highwater Doug Grave to Gerta Loins Chip Monk to Frieda Slaves Rex Karrs to Emmy Nems Jerry Atrick to Bunny Pellits Moe Tell to Fanny Farmer Kurt Remarque to Sadie Word “I'll do anything to get a heavy- weight that can win, I don’t care where I have to go or what I have to do. but 1 will have a winning heavyweight! barked Henry with a flare in his nos- trils and a gnnd of his teeth. Coach Henry hinted that if the right heavyweight was found he’d have a good chance of becoming his favorite son. Henry also grunted. I’ll begin a school wide or even a city wide if necessary. No fast food unturned, I mean we ll be winners or We tried to work at heavyweight, but have as much to offer as do! Survey: Is Your Favori Henry shows off new heavy weight wrestlers. a Dippiness most frequently occurs in teachers between the ages of 24 and retirement. It can have lasting and emotional and physical effects on stu- dents. Doctors have concluded that dippiness will wear off as soon as the teacher either quits or retires. A plague of Dippies has been known to spread quickly through an entire faculty. Does your teacher 1. look funny? 2. have an unusual odor? 3. tell stupid jokes? 4. wear different colored socks? 5. talk to themselves? 6. walk like a penguin? 7. come to school at 6:30? 8. leave school at 8:30? 9. consider Calvin Knight’s poems a work of art? 10. eryoy sophmore’s company? 11. eat chalk? 12. loose their keys? 13. take notes in faculty meeting? 14. ride a bicycle to school? 15. bring a nutritional lunch? 16. cry in class? 17. have an unwashed hankie? 18. wear a Mickey Mouse watch?

Page 9 text:

Opening Theme 5

Page 11 text:

In the inside Index: Life And School...........See. G-7 School and You............Sec. A-9 Life and You..........Sec. C-C You and Living............Sec. 5-7 Living and School.....Sec. X-4 School and Lunch......Sec. Z-3 Lunch and Disease.....Sec. 9-4 You and Lunch.............Sec. 7-D Homework and School .. Sec. F-G You and Homework......Sec. L-l Homework and You......Sec. 1-4 You and Home..............Sec. T-5 Plush Carpet brightens hall. New speakers spread the news. TODAY S WEATHER: PARTLY TO MOSTLY Section A Vernal. Utah. Friday GENEVA EXPLOD Free ES TAKE REGION ... finally Flood Devastates Homecoming Parade — Queen Feared Lost In Sudden Downpour Torrential rain showers broke loose on Friday, causing freak flash flooding that annihilated the homecoming festivities. Flood water roared down Main, as fright- ened spectators watched in horror as joggers. Uettes. and a drenched drummer were swept down the parade route. There were unconfirmed accounts of casualties among the queens. A VCP officer reported 3 girls nearly suffocated when their dresses shrank during the outburst, and they slowlv choked on the hoods of late model cars. Rescuers from Search and Rescue dragged the gutters for bodies for 11 missing elementary joggers. As the flood waters rcceeded. streets were clogged with soggy crepe paper, piles of drenched napkins, and flings. Claims were made that Mr. Caldwell relied on his barefoot surfing experience to win the senior road race. Those charges were denied in the front office. Massive Blast makes Utes Region Champs. The worst disaster in Utah, hap- pened yesterday as the Geneva steel plant exploded. In addition to devas- tating the factory, the blast destroyed much of Utah county. The area be- tween Mt. Timp and Utah Lake was a giant crater, as crews searched for sur- vivors. farmers in Moab reported large chunks of the newly completed Moun- tain View, were falling on his heards. Utah county sheriff officers reported that as near as he could tell, all of the schools in the valley had been des- troyed. The commissioner of the Utah High- School Activities was contacted for his comments on the tragedy . He sniffled. i just don’t know what to do. we will have to declare new champs in all of our sports.” Coaches at UHS were excited with the news. Ladies. 1 knew you could win, if you’d just try,” announced Bink. Coach Weight reacted with. I knew this would be a rebuilding year, frankly I’m surprised our boys won.” I told you PG wouldn’t amount to anything this year. snapped Henry. Caldwell Launches New “Eat Lunch Save A Cook” Drive In a press conference Mr. Caldwell stated. Our students just have to eat more school lunch. If they don’t, our cooks will lose their jobs. Most of the students were in support of Caldwell. Jeff Good. Jim Abcggaln. and a few other boys started a chant. ‘EAT LUNCH — SAVE A COOK. EAT LUNCH — SAVE A COOK. Caldwell adopted this as his theme. ’’Fund raisers will be held so we can send the cooks to Ronald McDonald’s school of cooking. he explained. “We simply must have a cafeteria. Where else can you get soybean sur- prise and leather lasagna for just a dol- lar, anguished a frustrated cook. Maybe we could discourage the kids from leaving for lunch, if we mined the field between here and 7- 11. Student Officers Organize To Wipe Out Creeping Vandalism Knights first press conference highlights vandalism. Thats sick, not funny” raged Cal- vin Knight, as Student leaders led an investigation of washroom attacks. If we loose this money from the Vandal- ism Fund we won’t have enough money to clean our office. anguished Ken Bartlett. A news conference was called to focus on the problem. If this con- tinues we will have to resort to the Bathroom Buddy System.” threatened V.P. Greene.