USC School of Medicine - Asklepiad Yearbook (Los Angeles, CA)

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SENIORS Biochemistry, taught (?) by Dr. Trojanility Saltman, was an osterized world of esoteric-entropic-teleologic-ose. This is where a bunch of little enzymes, all doing little things, which when put together and salted lightly with buggerup-ase can ' t even defy the hydrostatic pressure of a fire hose. We learned that Michealis-Mentan isn ' t an after dinner drink, although Tibbs and Suits were willing to try, but that it is very important to enzymes, because, well, it ' s their way of doing it. Al Lasnover, with an otherwise clean slate, was reprimanded 1000 times by Dr. Saltman with a single jesture and 4 small words. Actually, Dr. Saltman ' s lectures were informal, interesting, and unimportant. In his delightful manner he managed to keep most of us awake (except for Bubien, but then everyone failed there, too) with frequent, humorous analogies in a language that even Colburn could understand. This course found us with notebooks and cards crammed full of strange structures. Before the year was half over Cooper had used 30 notebooks, and Milton was on his third roll of butcher paper. Dr. Saltman ' s ego became ir- reparably damaged by the restrictions of the thesbian life and toward the end of the year, he became hopelessly addicted to LSD. This became apparent to all when the Biochem final was given. The exam itself was a schizophrenic delight, but to turn it in one had to place it in the properly numbered envelope, seal it, and stack it thusly in a ritual decipherable only by a derranged mind. Cellular Structure and Function was really histology just like in other schools. The lectures were well prepared, short (less than 5 hours), and appropriately placed after lunch. With full bellies and a supressed gastro-colic reflex, we at- tempted frantically to keep pace with Bubbles . Over the scratch of many flying pens could be heard the gentle snoring of John Bubien. As the year wore on, the class shifted from ssats near the door to those by the windows. From this vantage point one could invariably see the relaxed figures of Herman and Blanchette lying on the grass 3 stories below. After all, Ron had lost his elevator key, and Steve wouldn ' t desert a friend. Aside from long lab periods spent in the coffee shop listening to the peaceful strands of Tequila , Schreiner developed a fondness for cigars, Abrams devised plans for doing away with a certain instructor, and once in a while microscopes were brought out and dusted off. Dr. Birr Yang took us beyond the cellular level. Here he taught us some of the characteristics of what went on inside the cell, as well as a neat way to get rid of 2000 tons of guinea pigs. Entertainment was provided by the erudite questions asked by Graham and Allen. Two refugees, one from the Irish Rebellion and the other from the Spanish Revolution, had somehow gotten jobs with the anatomy department and ended up teaching, You guys have got to know this stuff Neuroanatomy. With one of Cajal ' s smashed microscopes in Dr. Santisteban ' s hand, and a shillalah in Dr. Flanagan ' s, they rode herd on the confused 67 down the nervous pathways. The nervous sys- tem was shown to simply be a mixture of interwoven line of various colors on the blackboard, and a few hundred thou- sand fly-specks on the slides. Heretofore, Ravenna had thought that the diencephalon was a Catholic home for the mentally retarded, and Allen still thinks that the Mammillo-thalamic tract is a place where the Mexican dog races are held. All that need be said about Physical Diagnosis is that most of us are still mad at not being allowed to be in the group with Courington, Suits, and Schreiner. And so went the first year. Z . In September the comic relief returned; battle-hardened veterans of the freshman year, armed to the teeth with hemoglobinometers, 1 compound microscope with oil im- mersion objective and mechanical stage, 1 pair of medium forceps, 1 box of cover slips (no. 2, 18 mm), 1 red wax pencil for writing on glass, 1 towel for drying glassware, 1 box microscope slides, condescending airs and a various assort- ment of umm humms and head nods for appropriate occa- sions. It was the vogue to place our stethescopes in our pockets in such a way that the maximum length of tubing dangled out so that all would know our calling. The theme of this year might well hove been Don ' t read it; just copy it down. This is well illustrated by Bob Futoran ' s monumental achievement of copying down the final exam of a Physics class that proceeded Clinical Path. Also I ' m sure half the class has buried somewhere deep in their path notes a detaihd map of the Monrovia hills. Dr. Clelland ' s home, and how much of the area was destroyed by fire. Micro B led us into a strange world of bugs, germs, mut- ants, phage, and Dr. Gordon. In lab we learned the right way to kill rats, the wrong way to kill rats, and several inadvertant ways of killing rats. We also learned why not to boil scissors, how to give chicken eggs the flu, to put Hepatitis Harvey to the end of the line when receiving Tuberculin skin tests, and how to flunk Dr. Gordon ' s exams. A typical exam answer might have been: (1) a, (2) b, (3) a and b, (4) c and d, (5) a and d, (6) a, b, and c might be true but probably isn ' t because of sexual incompatability of Tl and T3 mentioned in question 3, (7) Tl and T3 don ' t have sex problems, (8) everybody is impotent except you and me, and I ' m not so sure about you. Danny Cooper became so engrossed in his work that he repeatedly shar- pened his mechanical pencil in the pencil sharpener. One day he was actually seen to walk straight into a wall and continue uncertainly down the hall. One member of our class made history with his modification of the Ziehl-Neilson technique of staining. He placed the bunsen burner directly under the slide for a full 10 minutes. The slide burned fine. The room burned fine too. The rest of the building only burned pretty good.

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SENIORS S O EMPUUE , MRORE GO HOME IN THREE MINUTES I Clinical path was chucked full of all sorts of practical goodies: the use of the bell shaped curve in the measurement of bells, the diameter of a Lee White tube, that we shouldn ' t drink the cyanmethemoglobin diluent but if we did it prob- ably wouldn ' t kill us unless some idiot made a mistake in making it and put too much cyanide in it, the real meaning of dry-labbing, sophistication in the technique of producing hematomas, and the technique of bone marrow punctures for fun and profit. Path lab offered many opportunities to take out our hostilities and aggressions on rats. Several batches were irradiated and the observation was made that all their hair fell out. One of the batches consisted of Hall, Jones, Colburn, Reed, and Firestone. In Pharmacology we had the distinction of being one of the last classes to take the course before pad locks were put on the latrine doors. We were taught the art of writing illegible prescriptions, and here again Danny Cooper ex- celled. Larry Bolick was observed to take his only notes in Medical School during the lecture on aphrodesiacs. Experi- ments were conducted using various drugs such as alcohol, spirits fermenti. Vodka, booze, and hooch. The potentiating effects of orange juice were also observed. Although our schedule kept us pretty busy. Tumor Path afforded us an opportunity to relax, sleep, and to go to the beach. Oscar and Phil were even allowed to ploy Bridge during class. With our ranks depleted after 2 years mental and moral deterioration, the onset of the junior year found our class once again restored to full force. Heretofore, peaceful chaos had reigned supreme; however, under the firm hand of Joan Otto (one of the new transfer students, whose husband also goes to school, I think) order was restored. As 3rd year students, we were to be found scattered in small groups throughout LACGH. Medicine comprised the greatest part of the 3rd year. And it was on this service that we learned the management of the Acute fulminating placement problem, as well as the use of abreviations such as; SOB, ASHD, PND, and PPP, PPT. Our case write-ups were things of sheer literary genius, and consist.:d of 7-15 pages of pertinent negatives. This includes such things as; no hang nails, no warts, and no spermatocele. The write-ups were, however, on essential port of the cose workup. It wasn ' t as if anyone would read them, but how else would the charts get so thick? Many valuable lessons were learned on the Medical service. These included the art of recording EKGs, measuring venous pressures and circ times, gagging patients with gastric tubes, making D.T. patients jump in horror by pointing to immaginary spiders crawling across their beds, and the art of infiltrating IVs. Pulak loorned why one shouldn ' t lay across the legs of a patient undergoing a gastric lavage. The patient vomited suddenly with the tube aimed inadvertently at Pulak. It hit him with all the force of a musket ball right smack in the side of the head. A gentle Oh s....t was all that was heard as he looked up with all sorts of things dangling from his glasses. One of the high points of the Diabetic service occurred when a patient was being presented to one of the senior female members of the house staff. She was bent over, busily engaged in scrutinizing a typical example of diabetic retinopathy when a blind patient in the next bed reached for his water bottle. He overshot his mark and found instead the generous posterior quarters of her nibs. Puzzled by what he had found, he explored all quadrants with a series of gentle pots. Her head bobbed up and down rhythmically. His hand suddenly slipped off and found the water bottle. A split second later, she straightened up, raised her cane and swung around in exasperation to face the culprit, and there stood Bob Jones, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Nothing was said, but there was communication — on her part. Housed in the CD building (where no CD patients are admitted) the Pediatrics service was spent under the guiding hands of Dr. Indenbaum. Under his firm direction we were exposed (literally ' to such things as Measles, Mumps, Chicken- pox, etc. And in his concise, lucid manner he taught us his own unique brand of fluid and electrolytes. Ample time was provided for the reading assignments; maybe we should have read them. This proved to be Mike O ' Brien ' s favorite service, and Mike proved to be Dr. Indenbaum ' s favorite student. On admitting nights the technique of doing un- successful L.P.s on small moving targets was mastered, while the rest of the night was spent in the well equipped lab doing scut work for the residents. Dr. Hodgman directed the newborn service as well as illustrating the effects of postural hypotension to all who doubted that women ore stronger than men. The Psych and Path services proved to be 8 weeks of a relatively relaxed atmosphere in an otherwise hectic year. The path staff under the direction of Dr. Brownie allowed us to run all the bowels we wanted. And Dr. Kuzmo convinced all that it ' s better to be obscure than Professors. In Psych we all became deciples of the Morgan Principles; while Dr. Rogawski analyzed us more than we analyzed the patients. DID you EtrciT AMY R£ OU fO T£ VD£R £5S r. ¥v«» iAL ' iu iM vi»i oaj