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Page 44 text:
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SENIORS Biochemistry, taught (?) by Dr. Trojanility Saltman, was an osterized world of esoteric-entropic-teleologic-ose. This is where a bunch of little enzymes, all doing little things, which when put together and salted lightly with buggerup-ase can ' t even defy the hydrostatic pressure of a fire hose. We learned that Michealis-Mentan isn ' t an after dinner drink, although Tibbs and Suits were willing to try, but that it is very important to enzymes, because, well, it ' s their way of doing it. Al Lasnover, with an otherwise clean slate, was reprimanded 1000 times by Dr. Saltman with a single jesture and 4 small words. Actually, Dr. Saltman ' s lectures were informal, interesting, and unimportant. In his delightful manner he managed to keep most of us awake (except for Bubien, but then everyone failed there, too) with frequent, humorous analogies in a language that even Colburn could understand. This course found us with notebooks and cards crammed full of strange structures. Before the year was half over Cooper had used 30 notebooks, and Milton was on his third roll of butcher paper. Dr. Saltman ' s ego became ir- reparably damaged by the restrictions of the thesbian life and toward the end of the year, he became hopelessly addicted to LSD. This became apparent to all when the Biochem final was given. The exam itself was a schizophrenic delight, but to turn it in one had to place it in the properly numbered envelope, seal it, and stack it thusly in a ritual decipherable only by a derranged mind. Cellular Structure and Function was really histology just like in other schools. The lectures were well prepared, short (less than 5 hours), and appropriately placed after lunch. With full bellies and a supressed gastro-colic reflex, we at- tempted frantically to keep pace with Bubbles . Over the scratch of many flying pens could be heard the gentle snoring of John Bubien. As the year wore on, the class shifted from ssats near the door to those by the windows. From this vantage point one could invariably see the relaxed figures of Herman and Blanchette lying on the grass 3 stories below. After all, Ron had lost his elevator key, and Steve wouldn ' t desert a friend. Aside from long lab periods spent in the coffee shop listening to the peaceful strands of Tequila , Schreiner developed a fondness for cigars, Abrams devised plans for doing away with a certain instructor, and once in a while microscopes were brought out and dusted off. Dr. Birr Yang took us beyond the cellular level. Here he taught us some of the characteristics of what went on inside the cell, as well as a neat way to get rid of 2000 tons of guinea pigs. Entertainment was provided by the erudite questions asked by Graham and Allen. Two refugees, one from the Irish Rebellion and the other from the Spanish Revolution, had somehow gotten jobs with the anatomy department and ended up teaching, You guys have got to know this stuff Neuroanatomy. With one of Cajal ' s smashed microscopes in Dr. Santisteban ' s hand, and a shillalah in Dr. Flanagan ' s, they rode herd on the confused 67 down the nervous pathways. The nervous sys- tem was shown to simply be a mixture of interwoven line of various colors on the blackboard, and a few hundred thou- sand fly-specks on the slides. Heretofore, Ravenna had thought that the diencephalon was a Catholic home for the mentally retarded, and Allen still thinks that the Mammillo-thalamic tract is a place where the Mexican dog races are held. All that need be said about Physical Diagnosis is that most of us are still mad at not being allowed to be in the group with Courington, Suits, and Schreiner. And so went the first year. Z . In September the comic relief returned; battle-hardened veterans of the freshman year, armed to the teeth with hemoglobinometers, 1 compound microscope with oil im- mersion objective and mechanical stage, 1 pair of medium forceps, 1 box of cover slips (no. 2, 18 mm), 1 red wax pencil for writing on glass, 1 towel for drying glassware, 1 box microscope slides, condescending airs and a various assort- ment of umm humms and head nods for appropriate occa- sions. It was the vogue to place our stethescopes in our pockets in such a way that the maximum length of tubing dangled out so that all would know our calling. The theme of this year might well hove been Don ' t read it; just copy it down. This is well illustrated by Bob Futoran ' s monumental achievement of copying down the final exam of a Physics class that proceeded Clinical Path. Also I ' m sure half the class has buried somewhere deep in their path notes a detaihd map of the Monrovia hills. Dr. Clelland ' s home, and how much of the area was destroyed by fire. Micro B led us into a strange world of bugs, germs, mut- ants, phage, and Dr. Gordon. In lab we learned the right way to kill rats, the wrong way to kill rats, and several inadvertant ways of killing rats. We also learned why not to boil scissors, how to give chicken eggs the flu, to put Hepatitis Harvey to the end of the line when receiving Tuberculin skin tests, and how to flunk Dr. Gordon ' s exams. A typical exam answer might have been: (1) a, (2) b, (3) a and b, (4) c and d, (5) a and d, (6) a, b, and c might be true but probably isn ' t because of sexual incompatability of Tl and T3 mentioned in question 3, (7) Tl and T3 don ' t have sex problems, (8) everybody is impotent except you and me, and I ' m not so sure about you. Danny Cooper became so engrossed in his work that he repeatedly shar- pened his mechanical pencil in the pencil sharpener. One day he was actually seen to walk straight into a wall and continue uncertainly down the hall. One member of our class made history with his modification of the Ziehl-Neilson technique of staining. He placed the bunsen burner directly under the slide for a full 10 minutes. The slide burned fine. The room burned fine too. The rest of the building only burned pretty good.
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Page 43 text:
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SENIORS L. to R. Tibbs, Schreiner, Stanton, Shea, Arthur, Smole, Campbell, Gregory, Peterson. Terrified, but at last in medical school, should be the motto of our first year. The year was prefaced by an orien- tation lecture on something or other by the emminent Dr. Stainbrook (the most foul-mouthed boy in the neighborhood, now the most full-mouthed). I think he told us how to make one big triangle out of three little ones, but I don ' t recall why we should want to. Pulok, convinced that he wasn ' t speaking English, spent the following three days reading his English-Indian Dictionary. To our horror, however, only too clearly did we under- stand the sickening words of Dr. Patek on that first day when he informed us that our friends were waiting in the next room. When told that we were to grease and wrap the hands, feet, and heads of our deceased friends, our first impulse was really a fleeting one. That is, Let ' s get the hell out of here. In fact, one member did, which explains the odd number of 67. Pops may graduate anyway though; his name is still being called at roll. The rest of us, taking firm hold of ourselves (a hand placed firmly over the mouth) en- tered into the spirit of the occasion just as if we had been playing with dead things all of our lives. Stomachs slowly settled to normal and we energetically dug into the meat of the thing. Christenson, surgeon and cow anatomist par excellence, made himself known immediately for his persist- ent advice as to the way it was done on the horse, or con- tinual referenecs to the way I did it in surgery. One student obviously terrified at Dr. Patek ' s constant admonition that only clean lab coats wer e to be worn, wouldn ' t even wear a shirt. Anatomy was slowly mastered; McCormick made the discovery of the year by isolating the Laryngeal- penial nerve; Suits and the campus police discovered a new midnight entrance to room 369; and kudos go to Oscar for having spent a total of 3 hours in the study of anatomy. The mneumonic device was used to its limits; we now remember no anatomy, but we all have a good repartee of dirty rhymes. The study of Physiology is a, well a, if a, one a, takes a , piece of a, x ray a, film a, and a cuts a, the urn a, a distal a end a, so as a, to a form a point a Well, physiology isn ' t really a course in arrow making or Indian Lore. It ' s really a course in the extermination of turtles, farm anirnois, and household pets. Who will ever forget the lectures by Dr. Drury who has been known to lecture for better than an hour without saying a single word; or the not only interest- ing but flavored oratory of Dr. Meehan. Many challenges were afforded by physiology, and some were issued, such as, ' If you put that God-damned stuff in my ear again, I ' ll break your neck. Or, Keep your hand in that bucket or we ' ll dump it on you. To keep us on our toes we were offered snap quizzes and unscheduled hour exams. A typical exam question would be: If a 200 lb. midget after riding 3 miles up hil lost 194 lbs., what would be the quan- tity of NaCI that dripped on the rear tire? A certain in- structor staring condescendingly through his hyertensive retinopathy and coke-bottle bottom lenses informed us re- peatedly that all we had to know to pass physiology wa s everything. All the while the threat of the gastric tube hung heavily over our heads. All was not trauma, however; Bob Futoran provided enjoyment for all with his choreographic interpretation of the pathological Rhomberg at the Phi Delta Epsilon rush party; amazing to all, he became a member of that fraternity. Also in physiology we got our first taste of surgery, and Allen discovered the use of the panic button when he cut the carotid artery in the controlled hemorrhage experiment which suddenly became uncontrolled.
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