UCSF School of Dentistry - Chaff Yearbook (San Francisco, CA)

Page 89 text:

Correspondence Bureau, U. C. D. MATRIMONIAL DEPARTMENT FOR FRESHMEN. in i Chico, Dec. 24, IQOZ. Dear Editor :-I am a young man, twenty years old, blond, lool-: good Cperfect eyesightj, and have given up my important position on the farm, when crops are good, too, to assume my present position, that of a dental student at San Francisco. CRah! Rah lj I have no bad or expensive habits and am of a deeply religious temperament. Object, matrimony, and in realizing this perfect condition would like to meet my afhnity through you as a medium. The lady in question should be of medium stature, blond, Cnot a peroxidej and should weigh in at 150 pounds, in order that she be able to stand light housework. Yours for the blissful condition, -.....- HARRY D. MARSH. Santa Ana, September 1, IQO2. Dear Editor 1-I write you this letter from the land of sunshine, oranges, flowers and walnuts, to tell you of my increasing desire to attain the matrimonial state. I send you the only photograph of myself that I have at hand. I am depicted swinging in the hammock, which is hung between two of my father's walnut trees, C good producers, tooj. The animal at my right is my good dog, Bruno. I am a young man, have not as yet votedg have lived in the South a number of years, during which time I have not worked to any extent, except a preliminary go at the subject of Pharmacy-but have finally decided to take up the profession of Dentistry, in which field I expect to do much good. I weigh 147 pounds, am 4 feet 6 inches in height, chest measure-- ment, 40 inches, and am willing. 'Would like to meet a young lady, brunette, who is strong and active and who has no aversion to work Cas the future crop of tooth- aches may run out.j Any moneys she may have will tend to increase my affection in a direct ratio to the amount she possesses. I-Ioping to hear from some fair one, through your valuable publi- cation as a medium, I remain, You,-S, HBILLH FLOOD. 97

Page 88 text:

.The Meant No Offense If Dr. Reading could have found his voice at once, he would have felt much better, but then it was a serious proposition that confronted him, and, being absolutely without guile, he was really startled when the latest co-ed goo-gooed through her glasses and confidentially asked him if he knew anything about mechanical dentistry. Several minutes elapsed before the Doctor spoke. Finally he haughtily informed her that he was a graduate ot the U. C. D., and, besides, a practicing dentist. The young lady begged to be pardoned for her seeming rudeness, but truly, she had been under the impression that nice, clean men-nice, clean, handsome men never did that sort of work. The Old Broken Bases I. How dear to my heart are the scenes where I studied, Wlien fond recollection presents them to view, The lectures, the quizzes, the sub I dissected, And ev'ry fond thing which my student days knew. The great yawning cavities and the gold I put in them, The plates and the crowns C how I wished there were morej, The plate of aluminum and the celluloid denture, And e'en the old bases that laid round the floor. The old engine bases, the broken down bases, The rickety bases that laid round the floor. II. Those old broken bases, I hailed them as treasures, For often at noon when returned from my lunch, I found them the source of most exquisite pleasure, And tried them in turn, every one in the bunch. I-Iow hercely I seized one with hands that were glowing, i And quick 'cross the room it went spinning and fell! Then soon with the sweat of abandon upon me, And trying to smile, to my patient I'd yell, These old engine bases, these broken down bases, These old engine bases, I wish were in hell! 96

Page 90 text:

Colfax, Nevada County, Cal. Dear Editor :-I write you from the old farm regarding a very serious step which I contemplate taking. I have determined to enter the holy state of matrimony. Am a young man of above average size and appearances, dark, strong and have exceptional musical ability, occupying thereby, a prominent position in the U. C. band, playing the noble instrument, the slide trombone. The affinity to which I make reference is also a striking brunette, medium stature, and is capable of making such lovely biscuitsg enough in itself to endear a home-loving man to one who might lack in other charms. This lady is at present engaged as a kitchen mechanic at Colfax, and I am most of the time at San Francissco learning my profession, Dentistry. We correspond regularly, and those days on which I fail to receive a letter from Agatha, I am considerably depressed. You can readily see the mental state in which this azffair-de-com' has placed me and can advise me whether it would be wise to marry and join the musician's union, renouncing dentistry, or to continue my college course, thereby delaying marriage. Answer to one who is sorely tried. ' Yours, I-I. PHILLIPS BEAZER. .II Few Hints Evans-Dance for the boys. Get wise on those stories, Bill. Cheese, McDaniel, not quite so comical. Lane-No doubt you find the profs. somewhat different here. Many tried your stunt years ago and failed. I-Ioward-That's right I-Iovvard, speak up so We can all hear you, though your larynx is attached to your vertebral column. Be careful VVillie and don't get balled. Walce up Rodolph, King Dodo has come. Farley, Sobey and Olvvell-Cut out that baseball talk and pay a quarter to see a game. 98