UCSF School of Dentistry - Chaff Yearbook (San Francisco, CA)

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U. of C., March 32cl, 1903. My Dear Graft :-Here I am all alone by mineself, resting noise- lessly in my most undelightful room, skituated on der fairst Hoor Hlooking downvardsu of der bifurcated enameled front, Hotel de Mrs. Skinnerf' It has a excruciation wiew of dree tin roofs und seven pack yards, und I am so strong from climbing up eight flights of stairs. In it is my ped-room, but der ped is folted up away in der tay time und put in der closet. Most of der time dot I am in my room, I am at der college making dentistness. Der veader is a fine one-cold like blazers. My room has seen better suns. Der news here is a scarcity, der poys are all too goot dis year. Maybe it vill be someding didditting next year. I hope it. None of der student poys has alretty pulled a infernal mamillary jaw out yet once. I have yet not caught on to der crowd of Profs. Ven I do, I vill talk German to dem. Last veek a schmart one mit pig names talked about Mr. Chemistry. I dink dey call dot Prof. Hogden, By Golly! Graft, I could see not a vord he vas talking abouit. I must have had my tongue around my eye toot. Maybe my visdom teets are darfts yet. lt is a very uncommon ding to see some of der poys eyes fall out. Vell I suppose it vill came to us pie und pie: as der longer ve live ve find out someding by-chimney. Say, Graft, I vas next to a pretty-near gratuated student last veek. He looks like Dusty Roads, but it isn't. Tim Callahan took me up in der unfirmary. Gee! but dot punch is certainly unfirm. A voman camed in vid a face dot looked like it had been stuffed mit dry sponges und den some von turned der hose on. She certainly pelonged to der swell gang. Vell, she valked in und some Lyton vater vas handed to her. She got it und den she got a swift stab vith a touble- barrel'cl powie-knife rite in der face. Say, vot camecl out of her mout vould make you study plumbing. Der lady sait her face painted her mostly between last Tuesday und chesterday, den it began to croud her nose, ears and eyes ouit. She surely looked der part, Some von gave her a subscription for antifat of der face seven or five times a day. She vent away quite cut up, Ach! Graft, put dose seemore's do pack avay a lot of gold. I guess I vill chump der study. Its a shame to vast such a lot of precious medal, Ven you need it so to spend a good time for. It vould pay a fellar to stant around und pick up der gold vat falls out on der floor. Talk about der lady spitting out pearls S4

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The Marchus Man Oh, lXlarchus of the Freshnian class, A mighty man is he, At least he thinks he is, and that's The same to him as if he he. His hair is light and wavy, His eyes are shining blue, ,His oral cavity is large l tones are, too. And his ora He talks at all class meetings, He spiels and spiels some more, H'e knows about most everything And always wants the tloor. low, little here be Man wants but ' - Y that little longg lor wants 'Tis not with him exactly so Though 'tis so in the song. His wants are many and if told, 1' nanv a score: Wfould number 1 C i ' ' halt a chance, And if he cl only They'cl number many more. He wants the class to honor h T be their prex he'll striveg im, o He wants to be the eclitor Of Chaff for naughty live. He wants to be historian Cf the illustrious Freshman classg ' l Treasurer The Secretary anc And Vice-Prex and, alas-- He would like to be the prompter Of Parliamentary law, Tn the class or any place Wfhere he can use his jaw. Oh, our Marchus is a mighty man A mighty man is he, And the muscles of his brawny - strong can be. Are strong as S3 J Z1 W

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und precious stones, she is nod in id. No use Graft, you are vasting time vorking for bread und sandwiches. Take my advisement und came up here und be a fresh guy. Say, Graft, it vould make a tickling all ofer you to see dot punch of freshies building clay teets. Sure, dats der limitation. Chess, und how dey like it. Yhy dey are natural porn skulpitors und toot spitors. I heard dat der faculty is going to make it a compultion to learn dot clay business backvards, so dat ven ve are a graduationed it vill be easy to built air castles mit toot statyoos all around it. Some von sait dot U'Connell und Kedian vas going in der Clay Tootuary business by each odor. Dey vill be der Clay Bros., resi- dence Alnis I-louse. Say, Graft, did I told you about id? Some von is in drouble. Vhy Wan of der patents vat camed in to have a set of teet made, is deat. I vas standing in der office of der college talking, und advising der faculty on different changes necessaryly disimportant, ven Dr. Dean Carlton rushed me as dough I vas a half-back. I sait stand pack und pay me vat you owe me. I-Ie gave me der half-back und sait in a distrembling visper dot could be heard for miles around: Wl1o made dis set of toots ? at de same time holding aloft mit both hands a large set of hard rubber up and low down teets. Ven dot picture vas tooked by der longest leasted camera in der vorldt, I broke der silence und sait: 'tIt is for me to a large oak tree to survey der skiduationf' Den der Dean leaned on my solder und sait in a disinfected spooch. Villie! I made it to you a defective to unfadom dis mysterious- ness und ad der same dime to unravel dis set of teetf' Vell, I took me der job und I find it ouit dat some chunior made a patent a set und dey vas so unnatural dot der man put dem in his hip pocket und der teets pitted him, den later py two days or more he died of hydrofoamia. Since den dey all call me Shylike Homes. De gasoline in my cold-oil lamp has dat low-down feeling, so I must clothes up und get into ped, Give my luff to all der girls und dell dem to rite me. I guess I vill dine mit der Profs tomorrow night, any- vay I have a promise. Tanking you so much for vishing me dot I see my Finish pretty soon, und hoping dat der vorst vill be der veinervorst, I am efer your Fateless College chump, - ' WILLIE. 85