University of California Los Angeles - Bruin Life / Southern Campus Yearbook (Los Angeles, CA)

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(Contributed by One of Its Members) The word facullv is dcTived from Lat. facultas, meanint - power or capa- eilv. This word is itself derived from facilis. easy. It is applied to groups of individuals known to possess an unusual capacity for taking things easy. This has no reference to personal property; it is simply intended to call atten- tion to the easy, careless, irresponsible mode of life of the faculty, — a perfectly natural consequence of having every whim anticipated and provided for at public expense. This last consideration connects the word faculty with Lat. facere, to make (the word monetam beuig implied). The foregoing evidence regarding the origin and fundamental conception of the facultv is supported by the derivation of the word school from Greek schole, leisure, a word exactly describing the chief characteristic of the in- stitution. The Romans called their schools ludi. plural of Indus, play, or sporL. Thus the term ludi-crous is still applied to anything pertaining to what is known as school work. Paleontological evidence derived from a most exhausting study of peda- gogic fossils tends to confirm the testimony of philology. The fossil faculty series, as it has been traced from the Azoic era through the Corniferous. the Glacial, and into the Epizootic, reveals the gradual atrophy and elimination of distinctively pedagogic organs, apparently through gradual disuse. To cite but one example from the mass of Archeological evidence. Egvptologists have definitely established the fact that the earliest Pharaohs were deified facultv members who lived in the height of splendor and power, enjoying untold revenue, and ruling their subjects with a rod of iron called a ferule or sceptre. The Sphinx is now known to be only a memorial statue commemorative of a well known species of student (not yet extinct) in the act of reciting. . facultv may therefore be defined as an organized body of social sponges or parasites engaged in the collection of enormous revenues at the expense of the state, while living in luxurious idleness, occupying public positions of immense power and infiuence, and occasionally interfering with the amuse- ments of a group of younger indi iduals collected in what is known as a school, or place of entertainment. The essential properties of the faculty are sufiiciently evident in the foregoing account of its origin. One of its chief functions in the school is so to direct and domineer over the amusement-courses of the students as to derive the fullest measure of personal gratification therefrom. For example, the faculty exacts excuses for delincjuences in attendance in order to satisfy its intense curiosity as to how the students spend their working hours when not engaged in the amuse- ments of the school. As an organism the faculty a])pears to be deeply gratified by anything 14

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... Trainmg-School Jingles ... There is a teacher, Miss Meader, Here she comes with her little First Reader- With her pencils and chalk, And tall, stately walk. Just see how the children do heed her. Next comes that dignified dame, Mrs. Seckler, we all know by name, Her Standard is high — To reach it we sigh, This is her well known fame. Miss McKenzie, so gentle and kind, Her equal ' twould be hard to find. Every thing new She knows how to do. Indeed she has a wonderful mind. Here ' s to our friend Mrs. Preston, In order she ' sure is the best one. They mind ' tis true, She jollies them too. That ' s why we like Mrs. Preston. Miss Joy lives up to her name, You will always find her the same. She ' s a friend indeed. In all our need, To part from her all think a shame. Miss Woodbur} knows as much as a book On how teachers should teach, act and look, If we wished to advance. We knew this was our chance, So we got there ' ' by hook or by crook. Miss Jensen has little to say. But that little goes a very long way. Calm to view But stanch and triew. We find her every day. Miss Mathewson the girls all adore. We ' ll never see her like any more. She never preaches. But the way she teaches ! Will give you pointers galore. And what shall we say of the chief, Miss Osgood. It is our belief You may search but not find One of her kind. For her virtues our space is too brief. 13

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tliat excites its consciousness of its own beauty, digiiity ami jjower. Hence it delig ' hts to sit, either wliolly or in i)art. on an elevated scaffold, and either gaze superciliously above the heads of the insignificant students, or look in- tently into the distance or at the floor or ceiling as if absorbed in profound meditation. As individuals the faculty love to see the students jump in alarm when the desk is rapped for order. For this reason they encourage the unsuspect- ing students to grow careless about the bell signals, tliat this form of pleasure ma - be more frequently enjoyed. The principle of selfish pleasure also explains why the faculty require so many students, particularly the more handsome and timid among them, to take the amusement courses several times over. They particularly enjo} ' witnessing the tears of those who, because of nostalgia, or love of mere money, would prefer to relinquish the leisurely life of pleasure in the school; these they delight in tormenting and tyrannizing over. Strangely enough certain verbal formulae are especially pleasing to the facultv, though regarded by common persons as unpleasant. Among these forms the most pleasing are. Ain ' t the faculty just too mean! The horrid things ! and the like. An observer may often see members of the faculty tip-toeing about trying to overhear such expressions on the part of the stu- dents, and smiling in great glee if successful. On the other hand, what usually pleases merely common humanity simply bores the faculty. Any sort of commendation or praise is deeply offensive to it. It is generally believed by most careful investigators that this is in some way connected with the fact that the public generally refrain from expressing such sentiments. Being a super-rational organism the faculty is not governed by the rules that commonly obtain among mankind, and one should not depend upon any regular course in attempting to placate or conciliate it. Nlau}- careful in- vestigators have been puzzled in the attempt to apply psychological tests to the hvper-mental processes of the faculty. For example, a large number have tried to show that personal vanity is a leading characteristic, by the use of skillful flatterv just before the recording of the hieroglyphic symbols at the completion of the courses of entertainment, with a view to determine any eff ' ect that might be produced on the nature of the symbolic characters. But the results have been very discouraging for the most part. In fact, such evidence as there is tends to show that in this respect as in most others the faculty is quite unlike ordinary people. The clearest conclusion yet reached is that complete mental and moral perversity is the most constant faculty characteristic. 15